The day of reckoning for dear daughter's room happened this past weekend. She went away for the weekend to spend time with Grandma (Painter). This left me free to attack her room without the bothersome "need somewhere to sleep" issue.

At the end of the weekend, I had collected 4 bags of trash, washed 5 loads of laundry (Yes, all from her room), folded sorted, organized, vacuumed and arranged her room. It looks pretty cute! I was so excited for her to come home and see it.

She walked in and said, "Oh! You DID clean my room. Grandma said you might." A while later, she exclaimed, "You put down my pink rug!!"

Mission accomplished.

Enough already...

There comes a point when I just get plain ole "fed up". We have lived in this little duplex since the middle of May. I don't think I have seen the floor of the boys room since before we started moving boxes in. And tonight, I will not even talk about my daughter's room. I realize I am cramming 3 growing boys into one room but seriously, how can they stand to live in a room where you can't see the floor and have to maneuver around like some sort of ancient labyrinth full of dangers like tiny Lego pieces with their bumpy, pointy parts aimed directly at every toe or heel or the pile of blankets laying low like the foothills of some mountain range. I spent a day creating clever little labels of glittery embossing and adhering them to every box shaped container I could find. This did not inspire one lick of enthusiasm for using said containers. Instead, the boys filled their beds with blankets, stuffed animals and piles of clothing that I was pretty sure I had handed out the parental edict to "Sort the pile, put the pile away and for crying out loud, put the dirty stuff in the hamper". I tried to create a cute room that boys would love to spend time in. I painted two walls metallic silver and painted portholes on little canvases complete with sea creatures of their choice appearing in the portholes. I hung them to their individual specifications and encouraged them to think of their room like a submarine on a deep sea exploration. Still, no enthusiastic "Hey, lets keep this place tidy. Wouldn't that help us to find our favorite things? And those boxes Mom made are great...we should definitely use them!"

Three beds fit in that room when two are stacked as bunk beds. #1 son had this great loft with a huge desk and shelf under neath it. One problem, he didn't like to sleep in it. Instead, he continued to sleep on the couch.

I reached my point of "Enough already" and decided things just were not going to work without drastic intervention. I sold the loft because #1 son admitted he didn't like sleeping up that high. I bought a day bed instead. I hadn't intended to buy the daybed but the one I wanted to buy was sold out and I was going to get a bed for that child come hell or high water and it was going to happen NOW! I even found cute matching but not identical comforters for each boy on sale at Target.

In order to get that bed to fit in the room, I tore the whole room apart. Actually, I rearranged every piece of furniture, some got moved a couple of times. The pieces were in place, shelves were hung up by each boy's bed for his special treasures. Comforters placed on each bed. And at last, boy #1 has slept in his own bed for 2 out of 3 nights. Tonight, he fell asleep on the couch and I got him up and sent him to his bed.

I own the living room again. The boys absolutely love their room. It is not completely finished. There are some stacks of containers to empty into the bins I bought for the cubicle bookcase. I have two more shelves to put up but the room feels bigger and more airy. And they have room to play. I'm not quite so scared to walk in there.

The "fed up" moment is coming for darling daughter. If only my schedule would permit me the luxury of a day to overhaul it. However, October is shaping up to be a very busy month with various events and Master's coursework and papers to complete. I just try not to look in her room as I walk down the hall. If I look, I will want to run in and organize it. She needs some ownership and responsibility for her room but I think she is feeling overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start. The day is coming when we will just go in, drinks and snacks in hand and not come out until it is tidy, organized and looking like a cute girl's bedroom.

A change of thought.

I started to realize over the weekend that my thoughts about my Dad have changed direction. I read the status of my cousin-in-law as she remarked on her one year anniversary. Something clicked in my brain. At the wedding of my cousin and his bride, it was the last family function that my Dad would ever attend. It would be a month before his death. From now until the anniversary date of his death, everything seems to focus around "this was the last time..."

My Mom is feeling the same way. It's a new kind of sadness. A different kind of sad. I was putting together a scrapbook page of my son (the one who is 7) on his 4th birthday. (Yes, I am THAT behind...and more because I skip around and work on what I am in the mood for.) I found a picture of him and my Dad. My heart broke again. After this, Grandpa would only celebrate two more of Peanut's birthdays. I didn't mention that in the scrapbook.

I miss him so much. This next month may be the hardest yet. I can hardly believe a year has almost passed. I still think I will see him standing on the deck or working in the garage. Sometimes, I have walked into his wood shop (now called The Studio) and smelled the sawdust and woodsy smells and it felt as if I had walked onto sacred ground.

This happens to my kids too. One day, Mom and I were sitting on the deck, enjoying a glass of water. Peanut came out and was chipper and chatty and then all of a sudden while he stood at the rail and looked out over the yard, his whole face just changed and tears welled up. He senses it too. It's hard enough for me to grieve my father. It is even harder to walk my children through it. But I do. I acknowledge what he is feeling and tell him it is alright to feel what he feels.

We are getting through it but it is hard. I know I will always miss him. But perhaps in time, it won't sting as much.

New Job

I am not a person who really thrives on change and needs the "next thing" to get a thrill. I like things to stay the same. I don't think that is all that strange. I bet there are many who are the same way. This past year has been quite full of many changes and transitions and it has been difficult. It seemed like was just one thing after another.

I changed jobs twice. Ugh. However, I do think God has a way of working things out for the best and there is always a reason for things. I think my time working at the long term care facility taught me a lot about what my leadership style is and also showed me that I have more to learn before I am really ready for the level of responsibility required for a job of that caliber. I do not rule it out as a possibility and some sort of management/supervisory position is something I am interested when the time is right.

My new job is expanding my nursing skills. Since I started at the end of June, I have learned how to draw blood, take care of wounds, insert a catheter as well as getting very good at manual blood pressures and apical pulses. According to both my preceptor and my supervisor, I am catching on to things very quickly and am not requiring a lot of hand holding. Those are nice compliments to hear after the harsher critiques of "not meeting expectations" or "not being up to speed" and feeling overwhelmed.

Better still, I like this new job a lot. There is much to learn, much to hone but I love working on an individual level with patients again. I like being able to set my own schedule. I really like the fact that when I am done with my visits for the day, I can go home and finish. I have loved having days when I am home at 3 or 4pm. Or the days when I have been able to start at 9am. There is stress. And I am not up to speed on everything. The computer program I am learning to use is HUGE but all the people involved with running the organization smoothly are very nice about showing me how to correct things or pointing out what I missed. For example, I put together a care plan that included home health aid visits for 1 day a week, 2 days a week AND 3 days a week. Perhaps a bit of over-kill? The response was "Everyone who has started has made the same mistake. Here is how to fix it."

I love that!

So, while I struggle with living on a smaller income for the time being, I find that I am happier and more relaxed and I feel like I am in the midst of doing good work. I meet interesting people and travel to parts of the city I have never seen. I am thanking God for his wisdom and His leading. I think that one job lead to the next. A door opens and a window opens.

Lessons learned from my cats

I have two sweet cats: Tiger and Clifford the Girl. They have a life that is envious at times. Maybe there is something I can learn from them.

1. If you meow, someone will feed you. Especially when you wind yourself around their legs and lead them to the kitchen.

2. It is important to take the time to sit in the window, watch the birds and the cars and enjoy the sunshine.

3. Always take time to keep yourself clean. Even if that means stopping in the middle of the hallway to lick your leg. You never get a second chance to make a first impression.

4. Tell the people in your life how you feel about them. Affection can be expressed by curling up on their lap, winding yourself around their leg or sticking your face in their face and nibbling on their ear or licking their eye.

5. Rest is important. Take the time to nap every day, especially if there is a warm spot of sunshine and a gentle breeze.

6. Alert your people to your presence and let them know they forgot you by sticking your paw under the bathroom door or pawing at the door to remind them you are there.

7. If your people forget to clean out your litter box, leave them little reminders so they are aware of the error.

A day in the life of a woman

I suffer from my own form of ADHD--Attention Deficit Housework Disorder. I start in one room, with the plan to complete a task and an hour later, I realize I am in a completely different room doing a completely different task. Take today, for example, I had someone coming by to take away some of my cardboard boxes. So, I decided I would start cleaning my kitchen and doing dishes. From there, I saw a couple of dish towels that needed laundering. I gathered them up and remembered that the boys have an overflowing basket of laundry, so I went and got that, picking up assorted laundry along the way. I then headed down the stairs to start a couple loads of laundry. While there, I had a load of towels in the dryer that needed folding. I folded those and headed up to put them away. As I passed through the kitchen, I saw my sink of soapy water and the stack of cups on the counter and remembered that I was washing dishes.

It really takes a very concerted effort for me to stay on one task and not flit about from one thing to the other like a humming bird going from flower to flower, never staying long in one place. To my credit, however, I have gotten a lot of things accomplished. The dishes are washed, dried and put away. I sorted items on my counter that belong to my landlord and are needed to complete the kitchen cupboard project. I found my knives and kitchen canisters for flour, sugar, etc and put those away. I swept the dining room. I have two loads of wash going and two loads in the dryers. I have changed my linen on my bed and I am about to begin organizing the stack of papers I have been collecting every day at work. And I still need to plan out the week of chores for the kids. The bathroom floor needs washing...I have a mirror I want to hang...

Times, they are a changin'

Week 1 of my new job is done. Today, I started week 2. I really think I am going to like this job a lot. I am a Registered Nurse Case Manager for a home care company. I will learn how to draw blood, wound care as well as lots of paperwork. But there is a great deal of flexibility, setting my own schedule and opportunity to make bonuses for extra visits as well as mileage for my driving.

Sometimes, things happen in my life that I cannot explain why. And sometimes, God gives me a peek at why events unfolded like they did. A year ago, I was comfortable in my old job with the county. But I was also kind of bored. I had reached the point where I feel like I had mastered the tasks but there was no where to go, no opportunity to move ahead. But it was still security.

Then my basket was upset by being forced to find something different. The opportunity to move into long-term care provided me a great deal of new challenges. I really learned a lot about an area of nursing I had not known about. The challenge was perhaps greater than my abilities. I think I could have grown into the role but it did not work out that way. However, in my new position, the new things I learned in long term care and geriatric care are coming into play with the skill set I have. I have new things to learn but there are things I can look at now and see that if I had not worked in long-term care, I would not be familiar with what I will be learning now but in greater depth. I can see that I have an opportunity to become a stronger and more skilled nurse. I still live on faith and prayer. I took a drastic pay cut but in the end, I think I will be happier. Already the skills and knowledge I have are being appreciated and remarked on. I have much to learn but I am excited to try new things!