My unit, Adult mental health, is divided in two offices...North and south. The division runs deeper than geography and it is becoming more readily apparent as time goes on. This week, I was afraid we might have bloodshed or at least some raised voices.
It started at our monthly unit meeting where supposedly all 22 of us are to meet and go over various topics. Every one of my team was present and accounted for. But the south team was missing a few people, a fact I took a mental note of. I figured that if any one from my team had missed a meeting, my supervisor would mention it. I can verify it as true because it happened to me when I had inadvertantly missed a unit meeting. And I have never missed one since. Made me wonder if any one from the south team gets a little mini lecture about the importance of attendance...this was of course, all in my mental note to self.
The meeting carried on through the items on the agenda. And then the topic of the Unit Christmas Party came up which has been postponed til after Christmas due to other events that have come up and schedules...It was announced to us that the party would be held at this very swanky, upscale restaurant on a golf course in Woodbury. One person spoke up to say that he most likely would not be able to attend because he is in his graduate program and has a very heavy schedule...he's on my north team. Then another person on my team spoke up and clarified that this was the restaurant on the golf course...It was. The meeting adjourned and we headed off to return to our work.
Later in the day, the drama began.
The Grad student printed off the menu and began to show it to people in the office, "Did you see the prices? They start at $20 a plate and that is just for a meal...that doesn't include the gratuity...or a drink...."
I walked by and Grad student mentioned the menu to me. I said I would take a look. I mentioned that I was just a little miffed that we were not included in the decision at all...we were just told that this was where it was going to be and was this date ok. But the prices were concerning.
After I made my copies and checked my mailbox, I walked over to the cubes of my co-workers. The grumblings were getting louder. And suddenly, it sounded like there was going to be a coup and the north team was going to skip the fancy-schmancy party and go to Taco Bell instead.
Our acting supervisor was on her way out the door for the evening and we stopped her and told her how we were all feeling. She said that she would discuss our concerns the next day with the south supervisor. So we felt a little better, at least we had been heard and we had an alternate plan; Taco Bell and bowling.
After this drama, I had a conversation with my mom and told her about this. She started laughing and said it was just like an episode of "The Office" she had just seen about two companies that merged and were planning a joint Christmas party. We were both laughing by the end of the conversation. I am living out a television show.
The next day, I was back at work but not in my office until the afternoon and my supervisor said that she had some "proposals" from the south team for the Christmas party. Already, I don't like the way this is going. They are once again, taking charge, but I tried to hear out their suggestions. Option 1: Drinks at this Snooty Bar with the option of staying for dinner. Option 2: Bowling and Option 3: Renting the conference center at St. Croix Bluffs and having a potluck.
Well, my opinion is that I definitely didn't want to go to a snooty place and have the "option" of having dinner. I'm not a big drinker so having that as the focus is kind of bothersome to me too. And then we are all working that day, so how are we supposed to prepare something for a potluck in the evening and bring it all the way down to St. Croix Bluffs....and I live way up in Forest Lake?? Nope...So I opted for bowling...or to go to some place like Champs.
The drama continues. We shall see how things unfold this week. And I thought the crazy people I would work with were going to be my clients!!!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
My Adventures in Shoveling
Being in a house for the first time in MN, as an adult, and being responsible for my own shoveling has been eye opening after this past weekend's storms. First of all, I didn't have a shovel any bigger than a kid sized shovel that I found in my work car. So, I gave the kids lids to plastic storage containers and had them scoop up snow while I used the baby shovel for the first storm. It was frustrating and exhausting.
So, when snow was threateningly imminent, I bought a bigger shovel for me and another smaller shovel for one of my kids. So, now there are 3 shovels, figuring my two older kids can shovel. I didn't count on my kids fighting over the opportunity to shovel. Having a bigger shovel did make a difference. And having more shovelers made a difference too. We got more done and faster.
My house is right off of a busy road and having a clear driveway, I am realizing is not only "nice", it's critical. So, I was up at the top of the drive trying to clear it down to pavement and the gravel so that I would have traction when I need to dart out in the morning, because that is often what I have to do to when I leave for work. I saw the snowplow coming at a pretty fast clip and I turned in toward my house and began walking but not fast enough. A huge spray of snow and road junk hit me full force across the back. I was stunned silent for a moment. I looked at Princess and PH and their jaws were on the driveway. Princess was wiping snow from her face and said she got a face full of snow. I told her that I got hit real hard with snow, dirt, ice and whatnot and that I probably was going to bruise.
I still didn't know what to say but I knew something had to be said. I continued shoveling for a few minutes, taking advantage of the rush of adrenaline that hit me but I started to ache and my head was getting cold and I knew I was full of road slop. Before announcing I was going inside for a hot shower, I told my kids, "This would be why it is very important that you NOT play by the side of the road during the winter. Did you see how fast that snow plow went? And he didn't see me at all? And even if he could, he couldn't slow down."
Then I looked at the driveway and decided it was good enough. My daughter said, "Mom, there isn't much left. I will finish it." What a good girl. If I wasn't so cold, my heart would have melted into a puddle right there.
"Be careful of snowplows", I said, as I walked into the house.
"If we see one, we are going to RUN!"
They are good kids and fast learners.
I have a bruised shoulder and bruised rib on top of sore muscles and back from shoveling. And believe me, if I see the snow plow coming, I'm running too!
So, when snow was threateningly imminent, I bought a bigger shovel for me and another smaller shovel for one of my kids. So, now there are 3 shovels, figuring my two older kids can shovel. I didn't count on my kids fighting over the opportunity to shovel. Having a bigger shovel did make a difference. And having more shovelers made a difference too. We got more done and faster.
My house is right off of a busy road and having a clear driveway, I am realizing is not only "nice", it's critical. So, I was up at the top of the drive trying to clear it down to pavement and the gravel so that I would have traction when I need to dart out in the morning, because that is often what I have to do to when I leave for work. I saw the snowplow coming at a pretty fast clip and I turned in toward my house and began walking but not fast enough. A huge spray of snow and road junk hit me full force across the back. I was stunned silent for a moment. I looked at Princess and PH and their jaws were on the driveway. Princess was wiping snow from her face and said she got a face full of snow. I told her that I got hit real hard with snow, dirt, ice and whatnot and that I probably was going to bruise.
I still didn't know what to say but I knew something had to be said. I continued shoveling for a few minutes, taking advantage of the rush of adrenaline that hit me but I started to ache and my head was getting cold and I knew I was full of road slop. Before announcing I was going inside for a hot shower, I told my kids, "This would be why it is very important that you NOT play by the side of the road during the winter. Did you see how fast that snow plow went? And he didn't see me at all? And even if he could, he couldn't slow down."
Then I looked at the driveway and decided it was good enough. My daughter said, "Mom, there isn't much left. I will finish it." What a good girl. If I wasn't so cold, my heart would have melted into a puddle right there.
"Be careful of snowplows", I said, as I walked into the house.
"If we see one, we are going to RUN!"
They are good kids and fast learners.
I have a bruised shoulder and bruised rib on top of sore muscles and back from shoveling. And believe me, if I see the snow plow coming, I'm running too!
Friday, November 30, 2007
Spelling
My little first grader, Pumpkin Head, is reading and spelling. He is quite tickled by this fact. Up until now, he has said he was just "practicing" but the other night we were at church having supper before Wednesday night clubs and BB offered to read a prayer off the table tent. After BB was done, I said to PH, "Next week, you can read the prayer."
"Oh Mommy, I can't read yet."
"You can't? What have you been doing in school all this time?" And then I had him read one of the prayers. He only stumbled on a few words but was able to sound out the rest just fine. After he finished and I said, "Honey, that was real nice reading.", he just about glowed like light on a Christmas tree.
Well, now that the connection has been made that he can read, he has realized that he can SPELL. Most of the time.
But I overheard him say to Peanut, "Peanut, I told you not to do that...Do you hear me...I said O-N."
I about fell off my chair. He was so sincere.
"Oh Mommy, I can't read yet."
"You can't? What have you been doing in school all this time?" And then I had him read one of the prayers. He only stumbled on a few words but was able to sound out the rest just fine. After he finished and I said, "Honey, that was real nice reading.", he just about glowed like light on a Christmas tree.
Well, now that the connection has been made that he can read, he has realized that he can SPELL. Most of the time.
But I overheard him say to Peanut, "Peanut, I told you not to do that...Do you hear me...I said O-N."
I about fell off my chair. He was so sincere.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Presents from my Cat
My kitten is now 5 months old. She's the sweetest thing. We are all crazy about her. And this week, she has told us in her kitten way, that we are special to her. She brought us a gift. Twice.
I will warn you that this may be a little graffic
She came trotting up the stairs. Actually, it would be more acurate to say that she was strutting. So, I looked at her and she had something in her mouth. Princess was next to me and says, "OHHH! She has a mouse."
"Good Girl, Tiger"
She went downstairs with her trophy and I am thinking to myself, "I wonder where I will find the carcass?"
A few more minutes go by, and here comes Tiger again. The mouse is in her mouth. Apparently, the applause was not enough. She struts all the way in to my room and now I can see that she has the mouse by the back foot and it is not dead. The eyes are still shiny.
I found that a little unsettling.
My daughter squeaked as the mouse made a squeak. Tiger then drops the mouse, only to then quickly snatch it up again and trot back out of my room in triumph. If she could have made a noise with the mouse in her mouth, it would have been a haughty "hmmmphh".
I looked at my daughter and said, "I do believe that she was showing off. And wants us to know what a good hunter she is."
Then out of the corner of my eye, I see Tiger in the kitchen, she drops something and then jumps in the air and starts to romp. She was not done with her prey. She had more playing to do.
I am proud that she is a good mouser. I do so hate having mice in my house and I would rather not resort to poison. I am not opposed to it. I just don't like it. So, that was part of the reason for getting a cat and choosing not to declaw her...to keep little critters out of my house. I just wish she would keep these little gifts and trophies to herself. But then, how is a cat supposed to say "I love you guys and thanks for the food, the warm place to sleep and the playtime." She can't take the keys and go to Wal-mart for a card. I don't even think she can read. So, I shall resign to the occasional token mouse. New York's cat Cookie is a good hunter too. She brings him chipmunks. It's only fair.
However, this has inspired my daughter with an idea for her Young Inventors Fair. She needs to design some sort of invention. I told her that she should invent some sort of mini trash can that the cat can step on and drop her "gift" in and I would not have to scoop up a dead mouse, only tie up a little trash bag and toss it away. But seeing my kitty in action, she isn't likely to utilize such a convenience for my sake. But Princess needed a creative idea. The assignment said nothing about having to be totally based in reality.
I will warn you that this may be a little graffic
She came trotting up the stairs. Actually, it would be more acurate to say that she was strutting. So, I looked at her and she had something in her mouth. Princess was next to me and says, "OHHH! She has a mouse."
"Good Girl, Tiger"
She went downstairs with her trophy and I am thinking to myself, "I wonder where I will find the carcass?"
A few more minutes go by, and here comes Tiger again. The mouse is in her mouth. Apparently, the applause was not enough. She struts all the way in to my room and now I can see that she has the mouse by the back foot and it is not dead. The eyes are still shiny.
I found that a little unsettling.
My daughter squeaked as the mouse made a squeak. Tiger then drops the mouse, only to then quickly snatch it up again and trot back out of my room in triumph. If she could have made a noise with the mouse in her mouth, it would have been a haughty "hmmmphh".
I looked at my daughter and said, "I do believe that she was showing off. And wants us to know what a good hunter she is."
Then out of the corner of my eye, I see Tiger in the kitchen, she drops something and then jumps in the air and starts to romp. She was not done with her prey. She had more playing to do.
I am proud that she is a good mouser. I do so hate having mice in my house and I would rather not resort to poison. I am not opposed to it. I just don't like it. So, that was part of the reason for getting a cat and choosing not to declaw her...to keep little critters out of my house. I just wish she would keep these little gifts and trophies to herself. But then, how is a cat supposed to say "I love you guys and thanks for the food, the warm place to sleep and the playtime." She can't take the keys and go to Wal-mart for a card. I don't even think she can read. So, I shall resign to the occasional token mouse. New York's cat Cookie is a good hunter too. She brings him chipmunks. It's only fair.
However, this has inspired my daughter with an idea for her Young Inventors Fair. She needs to design some sort of invention. I told her that she should invent some sort of mini trash can that the cat can step on and drop her "gift" in and I would not have to scoop up a dead mouse, only tie up a little trash bag and toss it away. But seeing my kitty in action, she isn't likely to utilize such a convenience for my sake. But Princess needed a creative idea. The assignment said nothing about having to be totally based in reality.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Random Thoughts
#1 Aliens Abducted my Children but I think I like it
I have begun to prepare my school children for my impending arrival from work by giving them a warning call and telling them of my expectations:
1)lunch box on the counter,
2)shoes in the laundry room
3)backpacks and coats hanging in the laundry room.
It makes me less stressed and they are less "surprised" when I come home to find those things have not done or why I would be angry because they aren't. And I don't even have to raise my voice. I can say, "I believe I talked to you each on the phone and you agreed..." which is usually followed by a scrambling of feet. If it were a cartoon, I believe their feet would be represented as wheels and there would be a cloud of dust behind them.
Today, I came home and an unfamiliar odor was wafting through the house as I opened the door. I was intrigued. It was not unpleasant. It did not smell dangerous, like the sulfur of burnt matches or burnt toast. It smelled like "clean". Then I looked around and BB was dusting. PH was sweeping and Princess was using the Wet Jet on the tile floor on the landing.
I quickly stepped outside to check the numbers on the house to make sure I was in the right place. The numbers matched my checkbook. The kids looked familiar.
"Ok. Who are you? What have you done with MY children and...how long are you staying?"
_________________________________________________________
#2 Boy Babies
Peanut has been cracking me up this week. He is pretty funny most of the time anyway but lately, he has been especially funny.
He has made some bold declarations:
1)Boys when they grow up will have Boy Babies and Girls will have girl Babies
2)When he grows up he will have a boy baby that he will name after himself
3)And Kassiday WILL NOT be the mom
4)He will marry mommy. He asked me this weekend. three times.
I shared #3 with his daycare provider this morning and she shed some light onto where this was coming from. Kassiday had some declarations of her own.
1)When she grows up, she is going to marry my Peanut
2)And he will be the Daddy of all her babies
I laughed so hard!
A friend of mine at work has a 5 year old daughter who is in Kindergarten and she has a little boy who is in love with her and he has gone so far as to actually proprose to her daughter, even bringing her a ring. (it's plastic with a huge pink rock and peeling "gold" band). My friend asked her daughter what she said when he declared his feelings for her and she replied, "Well, I said 'Thank you'." And then she said that she would keep this treasure in her school box.
Who needs to watch reality TV?
_____________________________________________________________
#3 I have coined a new phrase and would like to declare it here
I was dropping Peanut off at Sunday School. Up til now, he was fine going in, even jubilantly. But this week, he burst into tears, pulled on my leg and was inconsolable. I even tried to point out his friends including the twins, one of whom is a cute girl he always waves to across the sanctuary...nothing worked.
His teacher, Lord Bless her, took him by the hand and said "He'll be fine." I know this would be the case. I have done this with all 4 children. It just surprised me.
I smiled at her and said, "Thank you. I know. It's just a little Mama Drama".
I like that! I think it's catchy.
I have begun to prepare my school children for my impending arrival from work by giving them a warning call and telling them of my expectations:
1)lunch box on the counter,
2)shoes in the laundry room
3)backpacks and coats hanging in the laundry room.
It makes me less stressed and they are less "surprised" when I come home to find those things have not done or why I would be angry because they aren't. And I don't even have to raise my voice. I can say, "I believe I talked to you each on the phone and you agreed..." which is usually followed by a scrambling of feet. If it were a cartoon, I believe their feet would be represented as wheels and there would be a cloud of dust behind them.
Today, I came home and an unfamiliar odor was wafting through the house as I opened the door. I was intrigued. It was not unpleasant. It did not smell dangerous, like the sulfur of burnt matches or burnt toast. It smelled like "clean". Then I looked around and BB was dusting. PH was sweeping and Princess was using the Wet Jet on the tile floor on the landing.
I quickly stepped outside to check the numbers on the house to make sure I was in the right place. The numbers matched my checkbook. The kids looked familiar.
"Ok. Who are you? What have you done with MY children and...how long are you staying?"
_________________________________________________________
#2 Boy Babies
Peanut has been cracking me up this week. He is pretty funny most of the time anyway but lately, he has been especially funny.
He has made some bold declarations:
1)Boys when they grow up will have Boy Babies and Girls will have girl Babies
2)When he grows up he will have a boy baby that he will name after himself
3)And Kassiday WILL NOT be the mom
4)He will marry mommy. He asked me this weekend. three times.
I shared #3 with his daycare provider this morning and she shed some light onto where this was coming from. Kassiday had some declarations of her own.
1)When she grows up, she is going to marry my Peanut
2)And he will be the Daddy of all her babies
I laughed so hard!
A friend of mine at work has a 5 year old daughter who is in Kindergarten and she has a little boy who is in love with her and he has gone so far as to actually proprose to her daughter, even bringing her a ring. (it's plastic with a huge pink rock and peeling "gold" band). My friend asked her daughter what she said when he declared his feelings for her and she replied, "Well, I said 'Thank you'." And then she said that she would keep this treasure in her school box.
Who needs to watch reality TV?
_____________________________________________________________
#3 I have coined a new phrase and would like to declare it here
I was dropping Peanut off at Sunday School. Up til now, he was fine going in, even jubilantly. But this week, he burst into tears, pulled on my leg and was inconsolable. I even tried to point out his friends including the twins, one of whom is a cute girl he always waves to across the sanctuary...nothing worked.
His teacher, Lord Bless her, took him by the hand and said "He'll be fine." I know this would be the case. I have done this with all 4 children. It just surprised me.
I smiled at her and said, "Thank you. I know. It's just a little Mama Drama".
I like that! I think it's catchy.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Go Fish
Did you ever play that game when you were a kid? I remember that we had a deck of cards that were shaped like fish and we would play for hours. My daughter showed me a deck of Go Fish cards when we were out shopping so I decided we would take them home and play. Poor Peanut wanted to play so badly but he doesn't know his fish very well nor does he know his numbers. He didn't stand a chance. They would eat him alive. So, I said that I would play a few hands when I finished with the dishes.
But when I sat down to play with them, I realized that they had their own rules. Banana Boy had 7 sets of pairs and then was dealing the cards. He had an real unfair advantage. Don't take this kid to Vegas!
"Whoa Son! Back the truck up a sec...let me explain to you how Fish is really played."
They didn't believe me and complained that they liked how they were playing it. But all I heard were squabbles and BB seemed to "win" all the time. I wonder why.
"Bring me the directions. Let's read up on it, shall we."
They grumbled and groaned. But pretty soon, they started getting into it. I would whisper into Peanut's ear and he would say, "P-wincess, do you have any St-war fish?" ( I love 4 year olds!!) and then when someone would ask us and we didn't have the card they wanted he would say, "You better catch a fish!"
I did set up some new rules for playing games:
1) Anyone caught cheating is out of the game.
2) The game is over when it stops being fun.
We had another rule when I was growing up but it probably won't be as necessary with boys as it was with a house full of girls. It was "the game is over when someone cries" rule, which was set into the Peterson Game Creed after the "Risk" fiasco of 1987 in which my father stormed through all of Europe, Africa and the Eastern Seaboard on one turn. We girls did not stand a chance. We also had another unwritten rule, "Don't play Risk with Dad."
Anyway, after 2 hands, Peanut was getting bored and I could tell that the fun was beginning to wind down so I suggested we pack it up for the day but they could play another time.
Today, they have been playing Go Fish all day long. I have enjoyed listening to them practice good manners; "Do you have an octopus?"(I'm so sneaky in how I insisted that it was part of the rules) instead of "Hey, give me all yer dolphins, punk!" (my kids don't use the word punk. I used that for creative emphasis.)But by late afternoon, the game was wearing thin and I called an end to it. BB was upset, and griping about it.
"Well, BB, nobody is having fun anymore. Remember that is one of mommy's rules? The game is over when the fun stops?"
"Everyone is still having fun. I'm having fun. It's not fair." said with a hrmmmph.
"Well, son, your sister just stormed up the stairs announcing that she is not a cheater and Pumpkin-head has been pouting because he feels like everyone is picking on him and he never gets any books. That doesn't sound like everyone is having fun."
"Hrmmmph...." as he throws the deck of cards at me. Point taken. Game over.
It brings back such good memories. Even the bickering. I had some good quarrels with my sisters that are now some of my fondest memories. Even the Risk Fiasco and The Great Uno Uprising (when my 3yo sister stomped the tar out of the rest of us who knew our numbers and could read!!) bring thoughts of "those were the good ole days"to mind. Does that mean I am getting old? Oh no.
I have been anxious for my kids to be old enough to understand the concept of games beyond Chutes and Ladders and Candyland. I really could not get into those games. They just bored me to tears. Don't even get me started on "Hi Ho Cherry-O". I hope that does not make me a terrible mother. I am not an athlete. You will not find me out running in the backyard, running with a soccerball or throwing a football, or trying to shoot a lay-up. But I do want some good, healthy competition, some jovial banter and laughter. I want to bond with my children in ways that only happen when you share jokes that no one understands unless they were at the table. That time has finally come. The family game time has arrived. I can almost taste the popcorn and hear the laughter.
But when I sat down to play with them, I realized that they had their own rules. Banana Boy had 7 sets of pairs and then was dealing the cards. He had an real unfair advantage. Don't take this kid to Vegas!
"Whoa Son! Back the truck up a sec...let me explain to you how Fish is really played."
They didn't believe me and complained that they liked how they were playing it. But all I heard were squabbles and BB seemed to "win" all the time. I wonder why.
"Bring me the directions. Let's read up on it, shall we."
They grumbled and groaned. But pretty soon, they started getting into it. I would whisper into Peanut's ear and he would say, "P-wincess, do you have any St-war fish?" ( I love 4 year olds!!) and then when someone would ask us and we didn't have the card they wanted he would say, "You better catch a fish!"
I did set up some new rules for playing games:
1) Anyone caught cheating is out of the game.
2) The game is over when it stops being fun.
We had another rule when I was growing up but it probably won't be as necessary with boys as it was with a house full of girls. It was "the game is over when someone cries" rule, which was set into the Peterson Game Creed after the "Risk" fiasco of 1987 in which my father stormed through all of Europe, Africa and the Eastern Seaboard on one turn. We girls did not stand a chance. We also had another unwritten rule, "Don't play Risk with Dad."
Anyway, after 2 hands, Peanut was getting bored and I could tell that the fun was beginning to wind down so I suggested we pack it up for the day but they could play another time.
Today, they have been playing Go Fish all day long. I have enjoyed listening to them practice good manners; "Do you have an octopus?"(I'm so sneaky in how I insisted that it was part of the rules) instead of "Hey, give me all yer dolphins, punk!" (my kids don't use the word punk. I used that for creative emphasis.)But by late afternoon, the game was wearing thin and I called an end to it. BB was upset, and griping about it.
"Well, BB, nobody is having fun anymore. Remember that is one of mommy's rules? The game is over when the fun stops?"
"Everyone is still having fun. I'm having fun. It's not fair." said with a hrmmmph.
"Well, son, your sister just stormed up the stairs announcing that she is not a cheater and Pumpkin-head has been pouting because he feels like everyone is picking on him and he never gets any books. That doesn't sound like everyone is having fun."
"Hrmmmph...." as he throws the deck of cards at me. Point taken. Game over.
It brings back such good memories. Even the bickering. I had some good quarrels with my sisters that are now some of my fondest memories. Even the Risk Fiasco and The Great Uno Uprising (when my 3yo sister stomped the tar out of the rest of us who knew our numbers and could read!!) bring thoughts of "those were the good ole days"to mind. Does that mean I am getting old? Oh no.
I have been anxious for my kids to be old enough to understand the concept of games beyond Chutes and Ladders and Candyland. I really could not get into those games. They just bored me to tears. Don't even get me started on "Hi Ho Cherry-O". I hope that does not make me a terrible mother. I am not an athlete. You will not find me out running in the backyard, running with a soccerball or throwing a football, or trying to shoot a lay-up. But I do want some good, healthy competition, some jovial banter and laughter. I want to bond with my children in ways that only happen when you share jokes that no one understands unless they were at the table. That time has finally come. The family game time has arrived. I can almost taste the popcorn and hear the laughter.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Knocked off my Rocker
And I don't mean in the "mentally ill" sense of the word, which would be ironic considering I deal with mentally ill people all day long.
I feel knocked off my rocker by the Lord. I have been attending a Bible study on Monday nights by Beth Moore on the Patriarchs. She has said in the video that she feels that the women who are watching this and going through this study are called to it for a reason. And I do believe this to be true in my case but I did not fully comprehend why I felt this way. But after 7 weeks of study, I have reached the answer and it does not remotely revolve around "It fit into my schedule and was convenient".
I think that I have had two core issues that I have been wrestling with. It is interesting that I choose this picture of wrestling because we studied how Jacob wrestled all night with an angel of the Lord and would not let go until he got a blessing. I feel a bit like Jacob right now.
Issue #1:
Forgiving my former father-in-law. I have had no contact with him for the last 5 years. The last contact was a rather terse, harsh, and hateful email that probably wounded me more than anything and my reply reflected my own burning anger and hurt rather than the love and peace of Christ. It is complicated and I don't need to go into great detail about it. I know the issues and they are important only to me and to the Lord. However, what I have struggled with is forgiveness and letting go of the anger, the hurt and the deep sense of betrayal I have felt. Strangely, I have had a harder time forgiving him than I have had forgiving my ex-husband, who is in prison for the abuse of our daughter.
I don't pretend to understand why that is the case, but it is. I have felt a strong TUG to work this issue out, to let go of the hurt and the pain. I have struggled. I have stubbornly, and I mean stubbornly, refused to let it go. And I have felt the roots of bitterness taking hold. But I don't want my life to be shaped like that. Through the course of study, I have slammed into this subject from every direction one would think is possible. It cannot be denied. I have to forgive him. I have to let go. And at the same time, I know that I can let it go and I can decide to forgive him but it does not mean I need to let him back into my life and rebuild a relationship. Sometimes, it is not safe to do that and the Lord does not want us to walk back into abusive situations, but to deal with the past abuse and put it behind us. Or what I picture in my head as taking the "Doormat" sign off my head, and walking away, on the high but humble road.
In many of Beth's lessons, the SAME thing keeps coming to me. Do you think that is a clue? God could give me neon signs but evidently, He chose not to, He used His word to speak His will. In the margins of my lessons I have written several times, "Tulip, write M a letter." I need to acknowledge my own sin in holding a grudge, holding bitterness and anger against him, and ask him for forgiveness and then state that I am letting go of it all and that I will also forgive him for the pain and hurt I have felt from him. I started out with a "rough draft". It was 3 pages long. I get wordy sometimes. Too wordy, some would say. And then it hit me. The bare bones is all that needs to be said. "I'm sorry for holding anger and hurt against you for so long. Please forgive me. And I forgive you for the pain and hurt I have felt from you." And leave it at that and let the Lord take care of the rest.
Whew! And if that was not enough....
Issue #2
This is the hardest one to put into words. I have been abused by my ex-husband. There are people in my life who understand that and there are some who do not. It is the "do not's" that hurt. I want to make them understand the pain I went through, to know that some of my quirkiness has a source...some of my stubborness is because I am determined not to be pushed down and pushed around again...it's to protect myself. I have healed in so many ways but the scars are still there and they ache from time to time. The memories are there and I get flashbacks and react to those flashbacks. My abuse was not physical or sexual but that does not minimize or make it any less abuse. It was real and it had real effects in my life. My daughter was sexually abused. She has scars and some of her hurts have been dealt with but some things will not be dealt with until she is older and better able, more mature and what-have-you, to handle the loss of innocence. And that is real. She and I live with this every day. But Thank the Good Lord, I don't think about it every day like I used to. I don't dwell on it like I used to. She has accepted and dealt with it as much as she is able to at this point in her life. We have healed tremendously. We are walking miracles.
But there is a part of me that wants certain people to understand what happened to us. I would especially like her father (my ex) and my ex-father-in-law to "GET IT" but they don't, they won't and they most likely never will.
Beth said something last week and then something else similarly profound tonight: God is the only one who knows what I have gone through. He was there with me. He was there with me when it happened. He was with me during the fallout. He was with me through the healing. He is the ONLY ONE who gets it.
Whoa.
Then tonight, she gave some reasons for why we want people to "see" us but they don't: they are 1)oblivious, they are 2)unwilling, they are 3)unable, and 4)God is unwilling. But we don't need to have people fill our emotional needs. Give our emotional needs to God and He will fill them. And in the case of my abuser, he is oblivious to the pain he caused me. He is unwilling to see the pain he caused me and he is unable to see the pain he caused me. But I don't need him to because God has seen it all. God understands it all. God gets it all. And for the first time, with peace and quiet in my soul, I know that it is all I need.
This is why I am Knocked off my Rocker.
I feel knocked off my rocker by the Lord. I have been attending a Bible study on Monday nights by Beth Moore on the Patriarchs. She has said in the video that she feels that the women who are watching this and going through this study are called to it for a reason. And I do believe this to be true in my case but I did not fully comprehend why I felt this way. But after 7 weeks of study, I have reached the answer and it does not remotely revolve around "It fit into my schedule and was convenient".
I think that I have had two core issues that I have been wrestling with. It is interesting that I choose this picture of wrestling because we studied how Jacob wrestled all night with an angel of the Lord and would not let go until he got a blessing. I feel a bit like Jacob right now.
Issue #1:
Forgiving my former father-in-law. I have had no contact with him for the last 5 years. The last contact was a rather terse, harsh, and hateful email that probably wounded me more than anything and my reply reflected my own burning anger and hurt rather than the love and peace of Christ. It is complicated and I don't need to go into great detail about it. I know the issues and they are important only to me and to the Lord. However, what I have struggled with is forgiveness and letting go of the anger, the hurt and the deep sense of betrayal I have felt. Strangely, I have had a harder time forgiving him than I have had forgiving my ex-husband, who is in prison for the abuse of our daughter.
I don't pretend to understand why that is the case, but it is. I have felt a strong TUG to work this issue out, to let go of the hurt and the pain. I have struggled. I have stubbornly, and I mean stubbornly, refused to let it go. And I have felt the roots of bitterness taking hold. But I don't want my life to be shaped like that. Through the course of study, I have slammed into this subject from every direction one would think is possible. It cannot be denied. I have to forgive him. I have to let go. And at the same time, I know that I can let it go and I can decide to forgive him but it does not mean I need to let him back into my life and rebuild a relationship. Sometimes, it is not safe to do that and the Lord does not want us to walk back into abusive situations, but to deal with the past abuse and put it behind us. Or what I picture in my head as taking the "Doormat" sign off my head, and walking away, on the high but humble road.
In many of Beth's lessons, the SAME thing keeps coming to me. Do you think that is a clue? God could give me neon signs but evidently, He chose not to, He used His word to speak His will. In the margins of my lessons I have written several times, "Tulip, write M a letter." I need to acknowledge my own sin in holding a grudge, holding bitterness and anger against him, and ask him for forgiveness and then state that I am letting go of it all and that I will also forgive him for the pain and hurt I have felt from him. I started out with a "rough draft". It was 3 pages long. I get wordy sometimes. Too wordy, some would say. And then it hit me. The bare bones is all that needs to be said. "I'm sorry for holding anger and hurt against you for so long. Please forgive me. And I forgive you for the pain and hurt I have felt from you." And leave it at that and let the Lord take care of the rest.
Whew! And if that was not enough....
Issue #2
This is the hardest one to put into words. I have been abused by my ex-husband. There are people in my life who understand that and there are some who do not. It is the "do not's" that hurt. I want to make them understand the pain I went through, to know that some of my quirkiness has a source...some of my stubborness is because I am determined not to be pushed down and pushed around again...it's to protect myself. I have healed in so many ways but the scars are still there and they ache from time to time. The memories are there and I get flashbacks and react to those flashbacks. My abuse was not physical or sexual but that does not minimize or make it any less abuse. It was real and it had real effects in my life. My daughter was sexually abused. She has scars and some of her hurts have been dealt with but some things will not be dealt with until she is older and better able, more mature and what-have-you, to handle the loss of innocence. And that is real. She and I live with this every day. But Thank the Good Lord, I don't think about it every day like I used to. I don't dwell on it like I used to. She has accepted and dealt with it as much as she is able to at this point in her life. We have healed tremendously. We are walking miracles.
But there is a part of me that wants certain people to understand what happened to us. I would especially like her father (my ex) and my ex-father-in-law to "GET IT" but they don't, they won't and they most likely never will.
Beth said something last week and then something else similarly profound tonight: God is the only one who knows what I have gone through. He was there with me. He was there with me when it happened. He was with me during the fallout. He was with me through the healing. He is the ONLY ONE who gets it.
Whoa.
Then tonight, she gave some reasons for why we want people to "see" us but they don't: they are 1)oblivious, they are 2)unwilling, they are 3)unable, and 4)God is unwilling. But we don't need to have people fill our emotional needs. Give our emotional needs to God and He will fill them. And in the case of my abuser, he is oblivious to the pain he caused me. He is unwilling to see the pain he caused me and he is unable to see the pain he caused me. But I don't need him to because God has seen it all. God understands it all. God gets it all. And for the first time, with peace and quiet in my soul, I know that it is all I need.
This is why I am Knocked off my Rocker.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Wild Creatures in My Home
They are boys. Or as I heard someone else refer to her sons, and I have now adopted the phrase into my vocab, "the Boy-barians". They are wild, rowdy,mischievous, NOISY and just plain exhausting at times.
One would think that that by this time of night, they would be winding down and getting ready for sleep. Far from it!! No matter how much I have pleaded tonight, they continue their wild tyrade and can hardly hear myself think.
I love them but sometimes, they drive me crazy. Tonight would be one of those nights. It doesn't help that I have a full-blown, 10 on the Rickter scale, F-5 Migraine. I recognize that my tolerance of noise is far lower than my usual threshold.
In some ways, I am happy that the 3 of them are playing well together and enjoying each other's company. And for the time being, nobody is fighting, calling someone "idiot" or otherwise. Just a sidenote, "idiot" is not a word I condone in any sense but they have adopted it as a way to get under the skin of another and my job is now to monitor what words fly out of their mouth and to say, many times, "Do not call anyone an idiot."
I am counting down the minutes until I can put the wild creatures to bed. I hope they settle down but I won't hold my breath. 15 minutes and counting...
I am annoyed that I still have this headache. I have been having a lot of them in the last 6 months. In fact, I just saw my neurologist on Friday and I am going to start taking a daily migraine preventer. I have medicine that I can take when I feel a migraine starting, but I am out and so I called in a refill. When I went to pick it up, the pharmacist told me that my insurance company says it is too soon to refill it. I have to wait until November 13. It isn't her fault but I said to her, "But I have a headache today." She is just doing her job and she did say that she feels like pharmacies get caught in the middle. She suggested I find a "triptan" on my insuarance formulary that doesn't have such strict rules. Again, it does me no good for my pain today. I declined to pay full price for 1 pill and decided I would just have to ride it out. And I will be calling my insurance company on Monday.
As a nurse, I don't recommend doing this but I took a prescription that my doctor has discontinued. It was at my request because it gives me horrible heartburn and puts me completely in La-La land and it does not work very quickly. But it was all I had that I knew would eventually take care of the problem. However, it has been 7 1/2 hours since I took the first dose, 5 hours since I took a second dose and my head is still pounding and I feel like a wet noodle. It's not good.
But, 8 minutes til bedtime. The natives are still restless but have begun to get a little quieter. So, hopefully, this is a good sign. I'm praying it is.
The sweet thing from this however, was when my daughter prayed at supper and asked God to make mommy's headache go away so that mommy would feel better. She is such a tender-heart and caring girl. I was proud and humbled at that moment.
One would think that that by this time of night, they would be winding down and getting ready for sleep. Far from it!! No matter how much I have pleaded tonight, they continue their wild tyrade and can hardly hear myself think.
I love them but sometimes, they drive me crazy. Tonight would be one of those nights. It doesn't help that I have a full-blown, 10 on the Rickter scale, F-5 Migraine. I recognize that my tolerance of noise is far lower than my usual threshold.
In some ways, I am happy that the 3 of them are playing well together and enjoying each other's company. And for the time being, nobody is fighting, calling someone "idiot" or otherwise. Just a sidenote, "idiot" is not a word I condone in any sense but they have adopted it as a way to get under the skin of another and my job is now to monitor what words fly out of their mouth and to say, many times, "Do not call anyone an idiot."
I am counting down the minutes until I can put the wild creatures to bed. I hope they settle down but I won't hold my breath. 15 minutes and counting...
I am annoyed that I still have this headache. I have been having a lot of them in the last 6 months. In fact, I just saw my neurologist on Friday and I am going to start taking a daily migraine preventer. I have medicine that I can take when I feel a migraine starting, but I am out and so I called in a refill. When I went to pick it up, the pharmacist told me that my insurance company says it is too soon to refill it. I have to wait until November 13. It isn't her fault but I said to her, "But I have a headache today." She is just doing her job and she did say that she feels like pharmacies get caught in the middle. She suggested I find a "triptan" on my insuarance formulary that doesn't have such strict rules. Again, it does me no good for my pain today. I declined to pay full price for 1 pill and decided I would just have to ride it out. And I will be calling my insurance company on Monday.
As a nurse, I don't recommend doing this but I took a prescription that my doctor has discontinued. It was at my request because it gives me horrible heartburn and puts me completely in La-La land and it does not work very quickly. But it was all I had that I knew would eventually take care of the problem. However, it has been 7 1/2 hours since I took the first dose, 5 hours since I took a second dose and my head is still pounding and I feel like a wet noodle. It's not good.
But, 8 minutes til bedtime. The natives are still restless but have begun to get a little quieter. So, hopefully, this is a good sign. I'm praying it is.
The sweet thing from this however, was when my daughter prayed at supper and asked God to make mommy's headache go away so that mommy would feel better. She is such a tender-heart and caring girl. I was proud and humbled at that moment.
Friday, November 9, 2007
I have officially become a "Mother"
It is not, as one would think, because I have gone through 4 pregnancies and 1 miscarriage and am completely enmeshed in the 24/7/365 aspects of parenting 4 active children. And it is not because I have changed billions of diapers, been spit up on, thrown up on, up all night with a sick child or kissing an endless stream of boo-boo's.
I became "Mother" when I reached a point of complete exasperation, and I have one child who is an EXPERT at getting me to that point quickly and on a daily basis, and bellowed out,
"YOU WILL DO IT BECAUSE I AM THE MOTHER AND I SAID SO."
Ugh.
I told myself when I was a teenager, and so much wiser than my parents, that "I WILL NEVER SAY 'BECAUSE I SAID SO'." But since the day I said that to my child, I have realized that there are times when that is the absolute, unequivocal fact; I have not other purpose but to have you obey me because of who I am and what I have told you to do. " And Child, you will do what I say because I say so...no more arguments, no more complaints or whining or "Why?"...Just do it and do it now!"
Actually, at that point, I have realized in my hindsight analysis (and sometimes that is the only analysis I am capable of), I am out of answers. I have answered all the why's, I have given the moral reason for the request. I have supplied the facts. And there is nothing left to say. And this child does not even really want to know the answers, he just does not want to do it and hopes that if he pushes Mother far enough, she will break and he will escape the chore.
Well, Young One, I am on to you! I know your game.
Have I mentioned that this paricular child and I are in therapy for behavior and issues with ADHD. He is my strong-willed child and he is my brightest child, possibly a genius intellect. He keeps me on my toes and also on my knees in prayer. This week, therapy was with me only. It was time for some feedback and some new homework. With a child such as BB, the usual tactics don't work. Since I am a parent who believes strongly what it says in Proverbs, that I am to teach a child in the way that he should go, or according to his bend, I have realized I need to explore some different approaches.
BB can be very non-compliant and sometimes, down-right ugly and belligerent. Other times, he is the sweetest little cuddle-bug who is creative, funny and witty and so precious and cute. And he knows how to push my buttons. I need to find an edge.
What the therapist told me to do this week, is to be very deliberate in pointing out the things he does right. And she said, it will take some work and some shadowing and a lot less multi-tasking. With her help, I have come to realize that it also works well to break things down into very small steps and offer praise for each small step.
With my other kids, even the 4.5 year old, I can say, "Go and change your clothes." and they will do that. They get the implied directions in there. But with BB, and he has been like this as long as I can remember, if I say that to him, he will head off to his room with the intention of doing what I ask but along the way, he will see a peice of paper and he will start to think about drawing a cartoon. This leads him to go and find a pencil so he can get his idea out. While looking for the pencil, he comes across a few legos. Suddenly, he is building a ship or an airplane and I come down the stairs and see that he has not changed his clothing and is not doing what I asked. I have come to understand that he is not being willful and defiant at this point. He is distractable. This is part of the ADHD. The willful and defiant part comes in when I ask him to put the legos down and go change his clothes and now he is fully engaged in the legos and doesn't like having to stop doing what he is enjoying. And now there is a battle going on. And some days, he seems to wake up with this surly, cranky demeanor, more so than other days.
So, what the therapist is recommending that I do then is to break things down into very specific and small tasks. I have already begun doing this. I will tell him to go and change his shirt. Actually, I think what I have said is, "BB, change your clothes which means...a clean shirt, clean pants and clean underwear." But even that is too big a bite because he has been known to throw a clean shirt over the top of the dirty shirt. One day last year, in fact, I noticed he was looking kind of bulky. So, I pulled off his sweater only to find a sweatshirt, over another sweatshirt, over a T shirt and then another shirt. He had on 5 layers of shirts and 3 layers of pants!
Now, my task is to be more deliberate adn more specific. What I need to do is "shadow" him more and praise him at short intervals when he is being compliant. I won't get into all the behaviorism theory behind it all but it makes a lot of sense. Starting this weekend, I will be paying closer attention to what he is doing and giving affirmation for the right things he is doing and paying less attention to the negative behaviors.
Hopefully, I will get better and won't have to resort to the "Do it because I said so" methods.
I became "Mother" when I reached a point of complete exasperation, and I have one child who is an EXPERT at getting me to that point quickly and on a daily basis, and bellowed out,
"YOU WILL DO IT BECAUSE I AM THE MOTHER AND I SAID SO."
Ugh.
I told myself when I was a teenager, and so much wiser than my parents, that "I WILL NEVER SAY 'BECAUSE I SAID SO'." But since the day I said that to my child, I have realized that there are times when that is the absolute, unequivocal fact; I have not other purpose but to have you obey me because of who I am and what I have told you to do. " And Child, you will do what I say because I say so...no more arguments, no more complaints or whining or "Why?"...Just do it and do it now!"
Actually, at that point, I have realized in my hindsight analysis (and sometimes that is the only analysis I am capable of), I am out of answers. I have answered all the why's, I have given the moral reason for the request. I have supplied the facts. And there is nothing left to say. And this child does not even really want to know the answers, he just does not want to do it and hopes that if he pushes Mother far enough, she will break and he will escape the chore.
Well, Young One, I am on to you! I know your game.
Have I mentioned that this paricular child and I are in therapy for behavior and issues with ADHD. He is my strong-willed child and he is my brightest child, possibly a genius intellect. He keeps me on my toes and also on my knees in prayer. This week, therapy was with me only. It was time for some feedback and some new homework. With a child such as BB, the usual tactics don't work. Since I am a parent who believes strongly what it says in Proverbs, that I am to teach a child in the way that he should go, or according to his bend, I have realized I need to explore some different approaches.
BB can be very non-compliant and sometimes, down-right ugly and belligerent. Other times, he is the sweetest little cuddle-bug who is creative, funny and witty and so precious and cute. And he knows how to push my buttons. I need to find an edge.
What the therapist told me to do this week, is to be very deliberate in pointing out the things he does right. And she said, it will take some work and some shadowing and a lot less multi-tasking. With her help, I have come to realize that it also works well to break things down into very small steps and offer praise for each small step.
With my other kids, even the 4.5 year old, I can say, "Go and change your clothes." and they will do that. They get the implied directions in there. But with BB, and he has been like this as long as I can remember, if I say that to him, he will head off to his room with the intention of doing what I ask but along the way, he will see a peice of paper and he will start to think about drawing a cartoon. This leads him to go and find a pencil so he can get his idea out. While looking for the pencil, he comes across a few legos. Suddenly, he is building a ship or an airplane and I come down the stairs and see that he has not changed his clothing and is not doing what I asked. I have come to understand that he is not being willful and defiant at this point. He is distractable. This is part of the ADHD. The willful and defiant part comes in when I ask him to put the legos down and go change his clothes and now he is fully engaged in the legos and doesn't like having to stop doing what he is enjoying. And now there is a battle going on. And some days, he seems to wake up with this surly, cranky demeanor, more so than other days.
So, what the therapist is recommending that I do then is to break things down into very specific and small tasks. I have already begun doing this. I will tell him to go and change his shirt. Actually, I think what I have said is, "BB, change your clothes which means...a clean shirt, clean pants and clean underwear." But even that is too big a bite because he has been known to throw a clean shirt over the top of the dirty shirt. One day last year, in fact, I noticed he was looking kind of bulky. So, I pulled off his sweater only to find a sweatshirt, over another sweatshirt, over a T shirt and then another shirt. He had on 5 layers of shirts and 3 layers of pants!
Now, my task is to be more deliberate adn more specific. What I need to do is "shadow" him more and praise him at short intervals when he is being compliant. I won't get into all the behaviorism theory behind it all but it makes a lot of sense. Starting this weekend, I will be paying closer attention to what he is doing and giving affirmation for the right things he is doing and paying less attention to the negative behaviors.
Hopefully, I will get better and won't have to resort to the "Do it because I said so" methods.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
I think I did something right!
Being the single mom of 4 munchkins is not easy. And there are times when I feel completely inept and incapable of the monumental task of raising 4 children to love the Lord, love each other and have strong moral compasses. And sometimes, I'm just so tired, I can hardly think of how to handle some of my challenges.
But tonight, I feel like I did something right or at least it appears to have worked. But time will tell. But I will still praise the Lord for the moment of victory and the hope I feel in my heart that I CAN do this.
Here is what happened. I spent too many hours this weekend, sweeping floors repeatedly and finding that no sooner are things picked up and set right in our living area, they seem to get messed up faster than a blink. Yesterday, I asked my school kids to have the livingroom picked up by the time I got home. It would be an hour, which should be more than enough time. I stressed this wish and dare I say, command, as I left for work. I even called in the afternoon to once again warn them that this must be done.I told each child individually, on the phone and had them repeat it back to me.
Low and behold, when I walked in the door. My jaw dropped. Not only was the mess from the morning still there, complete with icky cereal bowls still on the table, but the mess had grown and increased in volume. I shook my head in disbelief. And then I had everyone get off their little keisters and put things back in place. It was far from perfect but tolerable and we had to eat quickly and head out the door so that I could go to Bible study.
So, today, when I had some spare moments I started kicking around some ideas about how to motivate my children to do the things I want them to do. The yard continues to be another source of agrivation. Things go missing. I have "lost" two pairs of garden snips and there are various items strewn across the lawn. I am thinking of devising a scavenger hunt, with a list of things to find and collect from the yard. Each kid can have a paper bag and the ones who can read, can carry a list. And then send them off to find everything on the list (and then some). I may have to have some sort of prize at the end to make it a valid contest and to increase the fun while getting the work I need done.
This then sent me down another rabbit trail to other issues I have with motivation. By the time I got home, I had a fully-baked scheme devised. And sure enough, when I walked in the door, the mess had grown again. It really stresses me out. I work long days and I then come home and cook dinner, help with homework, do dishes, laundry and various cleaning as needed (sometimes desperately needed) and then send everyone to bed and I can then relax for a while before I go to bed. And having to manuever around toys, papers, garbage, clothes,backpacks, and lunch boxes, just to find the kitchen counter just about set me off on a tirade of screaming. But the blessing for the children is that I am also coming down with a cold or a flu and my voice is crackly and not strong enough to yell. So I needed a different tactic. Thus my plan.
I called all 4 young-uns in and told them that I was not happy with the state of the living area and that they would need to clean it. I told them that I was going to set the timer for 10 minutes. And if they were not done in 10 minutes, then I would start counting the minutes after and start deducting 10 minutes off of bedtime. They started to scramble and sort of made progress but tempers also started flaring and some yelling and arguing about who was doing or better still, not doing anything just about set my nerves over the edge. So, I stopped the clock at -1 minute (or 10 minutes from bedtime). I called a meeting in the livingroom. And I did some explaining about how we are to treat each other and what the purpose of this activity was.
I also explained that the time was to be used by all, they were to work as a team and yelling at each other and checking out who is doing more or who is not doing enough is not helping with the team work. And I also explained that I expected more from the oldest two because they are older. Peanut, I explained, is just learning how to clean up. He isn't very fast and he is not going to seem like he is sharing his part of the load. But then I also pointed out that the mess in the house was created by the 3 school kids while Peanut and Mom were not home, so he was going to chip in because we are a family and a team but not because he was responsible for making the mess. I also explained that they have not done the basic things I have asked such as putting their lunch boxes on the counter, hanging up their jackets and backpacks as well as NOT cleaning the livingroom as I asked yesterday, so this was part of their consequence from that.
At the end of the meeting, I told them that the timer was going to be set and if it took 10 minutes or more, then they would go to bed an hour early. I had to do some readjusting in my 10 minutes for each 1 minute because the math didn't work...so I figured out quarter hours instead. They finished with 30 seconds to spare. At this point, I figured I would extend a small grace. I told them that they had finished "under" ten minutes, so they would not get the full hour. But they would still have to go to bed 45 minutes early. By this point, they had accepted their fate and we proceeded to eat dinner, do homework and even do some coloring.
Here is the hard part, for me, the MOM. The whole time they are scrambling to clean up, while yelling at complaining at each other, my heart is breaking as I watch the timer count down. I so wanted them to get it done in the time I asked. And I began to second guess myself...maybe I was too hard or it was too short a time or too big a job...But as I had this internal argument with myself, this other part of me was saying, "Tulip, you have got to stick to your guns and do this because those kids need to have a consequence. They need to learn that they are responsible for following your directions..and sometimes that means a stiff consequence..."
Once I realized that, I felt better and I felt stronger.
But my daughter, when I announced it was bedtime, tried to wangle a few extra minutes. And I stood my ground...and said NO, firmly. Then she tried her other tactic..."But I need to read my book for school." So I told her to read while laying on her bed..."But I wanted to read to YOU."
Nice try, Butterfly.
So, it is 8:25 and showers have been done. Homework is done. The livingroom is clean and the kids are settling down to bed. I will have to do this again. I hope that this little lesson sticks for a while.
But tonight, I feel like I did something right or at least it appears to have worked. But time will tell. But I will still praise the Lord for the moment of victory and the hope I feel in my heart that I CAN do this.
Here is what happened. I spent too many hours this weekend, sweeping floors repeatedly and finding that no sooner are things picked up and set right in our living area, they seem to get messed up faster than a blink. Yesterday, I asked my school kids to have the livingroom picked up by the time I got home. It would be an hour, which should be more than enough time. I stressed this wish and dare I say, command, as I left for work. I even called in the afternoon to once again warn them that this must be done.I told each child individually, on the phone and had them repeat it back to me.
Low and behold, when I walked in the door. My jaw dropped. Not only was the mess from the morning still there, complete with icky cereal bowls still on the table, but the mess had grown and increased in volume. I shook my head in disbelief. And then I had everyone get off their little keisters and put things back in place. It was far from perfect but tolerable and we had to eat quickly and head out the door so that I could go to Bible study.
So, today, when I had some spare moments I started kicking around some ideas about how to motivate my children to do the things I want them to do. The yard continues to be another source of agrivation. Things go missing. I have "lost" two pairs of garden snips and there are various items strewn across the lawn. I am thinking of devising a scavenger hunt, with a list of things to find and collect from the yard. Each kid can have a paper bag and the ones who can read, can carry a list. And then send them off to find everything on the list (and then some). I may have to have some sort of prize at the end to make it a valid contest and to increase the fun while getting the work I need done.
This then sent me down another rabbit trail to other issues I have with motivation. By the time I got home, I had a fully-baked scheme devised. And sure enough, when I walked in the door, the mess had grown again. It really stresses me out. I work long days and I then come home and cook dinner, help with homework, do dishes, laundry and various cleaning as needed (sometimes desperately needed) and then send everyone to bed and I can then relax for a while before I go to bed. And having to manuever around toys, papers, garbage, clothes,backpacks, and lunch boxes, just to find the kitchen counter just about set me off on a tirade of screaming. But the blessing for the children is that I am also coming down with a cold or a flu and my voice is crackly and not strong enough to yell. So I needed a different tactic. Thus my plan.
I called all 4 young-uns in and told them that I was not happy with the state of the living area and that they would need to clean it. I told them that I was going to set the timer for 10 minutes. And if they were not done in 10 minutes, then I would start counting the minutes after and start deducting 10 minutes off of bedtime. They started to scramble and sort of made progress but tempers also started flaring and some yelling and arguing about who was doing or better still, not doing anything just about set my nerves over the edge. So, I stopped the clock at -1 minute (or 10 minutes from bedtime). I called a meeting in the livingroom. And I did some explaining about how we are to treat each other and what the purpose of this activity was.
I also explained that the time was to be used by all, they were to work as a team and yelling at each other and checking out who is doing more or who is not doing enough is not helping with the team work. And I also explained that I expected more from the oldest two because they are older. Peanut, I explained, is just learning how to clean up. He isn't very fast and he is not going to seem like he is sharing his part of the load. But then I also pointed out that the mess in the house was created by the 3 school kids while Peanut and Mom were not home, so he was going to chip in because we are a family and a team but not because he was responsible for making the mess. I also explained that they have not done the basic things I have asked such as putting their lunch boxes on the counter, hanging up their jackets and backpacks as well as NOT cleaning the livingroom as I asked yesterday, so this was part of their consequence from that.
At the end of the meeting, I told them that the timer was going to be set and if it took 10 minutes or more, then they would go to bed an hour early. I had to do some readjusting in my 10 minutes for each 1 minute because the math didn't work...so I figured out quarter hours instead. They finished with 30 seconds to spare. At this point, I figured I would extend a small grace. I told them that they had finished "under" ten minutes, so they would not get the full hour. But they would still have to go to bed 45 minutes early. By this point, they had accepted their fate and we proceeded to eat dinner, do homework and even do some coloring.
Here is the hard part, for me, the MOM. The whole time they are scrambling to clean up, while yelling at complaining at each other, my heart is breaking as I watch the timer count down. I so wanted them to get it done in the time I asked. And I began to second guess myself...maybe I was too hard or it was too short a time or too big a job...But as I had this internal argument with myself, this other part of me was saying, "Tulip, you have got to stick to your guns and do this because those kids need to have a consequence. They need to learn that they are responsible for following your directions..and sometimes that means a stiff consequence..."
Once I realized that, I felt better and I felt stronger.
But my daughter, when I announced it was bedtime, tried to wangle a few extra minutes. And I stood my ground...and said NO, firmly. Then she tried her other tactic..."But I need to read my book for school." So I told her to read while laying on her bed..."But I wanted to read to YOU."
Nice try, Butterfly.
So, it is 8:25 and showers have been done. Homework is done. The livingroom is clean and the kids are settling down to bed. I will have to do this again. I hope that this little lesson sticks for a while.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Reflections
Every year, around this time, I start to write my annual newsletter that goes out with my Christmas card. I enjoy doing it and the feedback I get is positive, so I continue the tradition.
I wrote out my little stories about my kids and what has happened over the last year. I found myself on the backpage with about half a page of empty space and scratched my head for a while as I figured out what to put there. I finally came up with a "What I have learned this year". I haven't decided if it is complete yet. But I think I will put it out here, and I may get some more ideas as I write some more.
The Top Things TulipMom has learned in 2007:
***Don't put bleach in trash cans that have been urinated in. It makes a deadly gas. ***Smile and laugh a lot. ***Cry when you need to. ***Enjoy life's spontaneous moments like 180' rainbows through the eyes of a 4 year old, fireworks from the side of the road, the thrill of new shoes ***It's ok to get lost. Sometimes you learn lots more than new roads. ***Plan accordingly. ***Relax and take a deep breath when things don't go right. ***Play. ***Take vacations, even if they are short ones. ***Houses don't clean themselves but that's ok. It can wait. ***My kids love my homemade pizza (it is perhaps the only thing I make that they like) ***Eat breakfast every day. ***Eat lots of vegetables. ***Try new things. ***Fake it til you feel it. ***Keep going. ***The bliss of a Saturday morning. ***It is wonderful to have no child in diapers!***Boys will fight whether you like it or not, so teach them to fight fair or out of mom's earshot ***Pigs are cute. Little boys who love pigs are even cuter ***Coffee, it should be it's own food group. ***Kids grow up entirely too fast.
I wrote out my little stories about my kids and what has happened over the last year. I found myself on the backpage with about half a page of empty space and scratched my head for a while as I figured out what to put there. I finally came up with a "What I have learned this year". I haven't decided if it is complete yet. But I think I will put it out here, and I may get some more ideas as I write some more.
The Top Things TulipMom has learned in 2007:
***Don't put bleach in trash cans that have been urinated in. It makes a deadly gas. ***Smile and laugh a lot. ***Cry when you need to. ***Enjoy life's spontaneous moments like 180' rainbows through the eyes of a 4 year old, fireworks from the side of the road, the thrill of new shoes ***It's ok to get lost. Sometimes you learn lots more than new roads. ***Plan accordingly. ***Relax and take a deep breath when things don't go right. ***Play. ***Take vacations, even if they are short ones. ***Houses don't clean themselves but that's ok. It can wait. ***My kids love my homemade pizza (it is perhaps the only thing I make that they like) ***Eat breakfast every day. ***Eat lots of vegetables. ***Try new things. ***Fake it til you feel it. ***Keep going. ***The bliss of a Saturday morning. ***It is wonderful to have no child in diapers!***Boys will fight whether you like it or not, so teach them to fight fair or out of mom's earshot ***Pigs are cute. Little boys who love pigs are even cuter ***Coffee, it should be it's own food group. ***Kids grow up entirely too fast.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Sometimes There is a Reason for Getting Lost
Saturday was PERFECT!! Beautiful Fall day, perfect temperature for this time of year and we had the best activity planned. Our church sunday school class planned an afternoon/evening hayride party at a farm in Scandia. My kids had a great time riding a 4 wheeler, a Ranger and on a flatbed for a hayride. There was also a really cool swing that had all the kids in lines, politely (most of the time)working out turns and equal time. The grown-ups enjoyed conversation and some pretty intense full-contact touch football. I heard lots of happy chattering, cheering and laughter. Food was excellent and there was a nice toasty bonfire.
I had to practically drag my kids to the car in order to leave, even though it was pitch black and everyone else was leaving too. After pulling out of the driveway at the farm and out onto the road, I passed the turn I needed.
No problem, I figured. I would find another way out to the main road. I followed a windy road through the country, past farms backlit by the quickly retreating sunset, along a lakeshore and finally came out to a road that I figured was a main road, although not the one I wanted. I think I have a pretty good sense of direction. I figured I had been heading west, towards the sunset and so I turned onto the road, figuring I was now going to head south and then get back onto familiar ground. But I just kept driving and driving...the road was so dark and nothing looked remotely familiar, so I turned around and figured I would head back and retrace my steps. But I found myself unable to remember what road I had been on, even if the wrong one.
So, I started to pray and asked for calmness, patience and a way home. As I continued driving, I began to feel or sense I should turn this way... and then this way. Next thing I knew, I was back next to the farm we had been at and I was able to go out the RIGHT way and get back on track.
I was tempted to keep this to myself. I was embarrassed that I had gotten so lost as well as ashamed of my arrogance to think that I could find my way home in an area I had never been and to not turn around when it would have been easy to fix my mistake. But I realized I had an opportunity to share with my daughter (the only one awake)what had been an answer to my prayer.
So I told her that I had been praying that God would show me how to get us home and then here we were, back where we started and now we were back where we started adn could find the way home. And then I told her how glad I was that God heard our prayer, even the smallest of things like getting unlost.
Then she told me how she had been praying too, that God would show me how to get us home. I was so touched by that. And I think I needed to hear that and for that reason, I needed to be Lost.
I had to practically drag my kids to the car in order to leave, even though it was pitch black and everyone else was leaving too. After pulling out of the driveway at the farm and out onto the road, I passed the turn I needed.
No problem, I figured. I would find another way out to the main road. I followed a windy road through the country, past farms backlit by the quickly retreating sunset, along a lakeshore and finally came out to a road that I figured was a main road, although not the one I wanted. I think I have a pretty good sense of direction. I figured I had been heading west, towards the sunset and so I turned onto the road, figuring I was now going to head south and then get back onto familiar ground. But I just kept driving and driving...the road was so dark and nothing looked remotely familiar, so I turned around and figured I would head back and retrace my steps. But I found myself unable to remember what road I had been on, even if the wrong one.
So, I started to pray and asked for calmness, patience and a way home. As I continued driving, I began to feel or sense I should turn this way... and then this way. Next thing I knew, I was back next to the farm we had been at and I was able to go out the RIGHT way and get back on track.
I was tempted to keep this to myself. I was embarrassed that I had gotten so lost as well as ashamed of my arrogance to think that I could find my way home in an area I had never been and to not turn around when it would have been easy to fix my mistake. But I realized I had an opportunity to share with my daughter (the only one awake)what had been an answer to my prayer.
So I told her that I had been praying that God would show me how to get us home and then here we were, back where we started and now we were back where we started adn could find the way home. And then I told her how glad I was that God heard our prayer, even the smallest of things like getting unlost.
Then she told me how she had been praying too, that God would show me how to get us home. I was so touched by that. And I think I needed to hear that and for that reason, I needed to be Lost.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
The Key to Happiness is New Shoes, When you are 6
My oldest two boys needed new shoes. Peanut got his a few weeks ago when his shoes could not be located. I suspect they are buried in the mud of the creek in our backyard. Banana Boy showed me his shoes the other day and he has air conditioning. He remembered tonight that he has had those shoes since Kindergarten. I started thinking back and realized he is probably pretty close. It might have been 1st grade but since he is in 3rd grade now, the point is that he has had those shoes for a long, long time. And I gleefully told him to "Throw them away!!!" when we got home from the store.
The shoe shopping experience with boys is very different than shoe shopping for girls. For one thing, boys have a much more limited selection and for my boys at least, they know what they like and they find it quickly. After measuring their feet and realizing that both boys have stretched their feet this past year, perhaps even since the summer, we found the aisle that had their sizes. BB found a pair he liked immediately and have no laces. Pumpkin-head found his pair instantly too. They have Batman on them. And when we got out to the car and he was admiring them in the box and holding them up for inspection and study, he discovered that they light up when stepped on. Major COOL factor for him! He was giddy with excitement adn couldn't wait to put them on when we got home.
It has been a VERY long day for me and going shopping was not really on my agenda but when I saw the sorry state of BB's shoes, and the realization the PH has been wearing borrowed shoes all week from the nurses office because one of his shoes has gone AWOl....it had to be done tonight. So, it is 8:30pm when we finally get home. The kids have homework to do and I promised them a snack. Peanut is so OVER-tired that he is being obnoxious. As I set about to get the snack, do the dishes, answer homework questions, read the mail, feed the cat and so forth, I head this thunderous pounding which on my wood floors just reverberated through out the kitchen. I looked around to see what all the ruckous was and saw that it was PH. He was running around the kitchen-diningroom-livingroom as fast as he could whiles stomping and looking backward to watch his shoes light up. It's a wonder that he didn't collide with anyone.
I really had to laugh, it was so cute! After a few more laps, I asked him to quiet down and get ready for bed. He then announced that he would take his shoes off for now but "I can't wait to wear them to school tomorrow! They are SO COOL!!" and they are now set neatly on the bottom step, waiting for his feet.
I love boys!
I remember when I was in 5th grade, and this will date me a bit, but these shoes called Kangaroos were all the rage. They had this really cool zipper pocket on the side. I begged my mom for a pair and she finally gave in. I remember putting them on, standing up and running down the block and I was sure that my new shoes had given me new powers to run faster and jump higher than I had ever been able to before. It was a great feeling.
So watching my son, racing around and enjoying his new powers brought back memories for me that were so sweet. Who knows, this may be a sweet memory for him one day!
The shoe shopping experience with boys is very different than shoe shopping for girls. For one thing, boys have a much more limited selection and for my boys at least, they know what they like and they find it quickly. After measuring their feet and realizing that both boys have stretched their feet this past year, perhaps even since the summer, we found the aisle that had their sizes. BB found a pair he liked immediately and have no laces. Pumpkin-head found his pair instantly too. They have Batman on them. And when we got out to the car and he was admiring them in the box and holding them up for inspection and study, he discovered that they light up when stepped on. Major COOL factor for him! He was giddy with excitement adn couldn't wait to put them on when we got home.
It has been a VERY long day for me and going shopping was not really on my agenda but when I saw the sorry state of BB's shoes, and the realization the PH has been wearing borrowed shoes all week from the nurses office because one of his shoes has gone AWOl....it had to be done tonight. So, it is 8:30pm when we finally get home. The kids have homework to do and I promised them a snack. Peanut is so OVER-tired that he is being obnoxious. As I set about to get the snack, do the dishes, answer homework questions, read the mail, feed the cat and so forth, I head this thunderous pounding which on my wood floors just reverberated through out the kitchen. I looked around to see what all the ruckous was and saw that it was PH. He was running around the kitchen-diningroom-livingroom as fast as he could whiles stomping and looking backward to watch his shoes light up. It's a wonder that he didn't collide with anyone.
I really had to laugh, it was so cute! After a few more laps, I asked him to quiet down and get ready for bed. He then announced that he would take his shoes off for now but "I can't wait to wear them to school tomorrow! They are SO COOL!!" and they are now set neatly on the bottom step, waiting for his feet.
I love boys!
I remember when I was in 5th grade, and this will date me a bit, but these shoes called Kangaroos were all the rage. They had this really cool zipper pocket on the side. I begged my mom for a pair and she finally gave in. I remember putting them on, standing up and running down the block and I was sure that my new shoes had given me new powers to run faster and jump higher than I had ever been able to before. It was a great feeling.
So watching my son, racing around and enjoying his new powers brought back memories for me that were so sweet. Who knows, this may be a sweet memory for him one day!
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Just another average Saturday
This is the day I wait for all week. For one morning out of 7, I can actually catch a couple extra hours of sleep.
Or so I would like to think.
Peanut, who informed me today that he would now like to be called Olive, snuck into bed with me sometime during my coma and took over the bed. He's not even 4 feet tall but he can sprawl and he is stubborn too...I can't just gently roll him or push him over because he just springs right back like a boomerang. So, I lay on my sliver of the queen sized bed and try to drift off again.
CRASH!!! followed by lots of yelling. I try to ignore it. Then Banana Boy bursts through my door and says, "I'm hungry. When's breakfast?"
Do I dare to look at the clock? Perhaps it is later than I think.
It isn't. It's 7:30.
"Kids!! Let me sleep. I get one day, ONE day to rest a little more. Could you PLEASE, PLEASE, PPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEE, yes I am begging you, keep the noise and chaos down to a minimum for at least another hour???"
Except I think I only said that in my head. What actually came out verbally was something akin to the growl of a bear woken up early from hibernation, complete with with swatting at the air and a slam of the door.
Finally, I do wake up fully and they are happily watching a movie we rented last night. There is no big mess waiting...no bigger than what there was when I fell asleep at 9:30 last night. They were hungry but not obnoxiously bugging me for food. Whew.
So, I decided to make pancakes. I searched the cupboard only to realize that I did not have any Bisquick. So, my "quick" and fun breakfast was going to change. I had to find a recipe for pancakes. And I found that I actually have Buttermilk and ALL the ingredients for Buttermilk pancakes! Hooray! And it took longer to make than Bisquick pancakes but the effort was greeted with silence as 4 hungry mouths gobbled every pancake up.
The kids cleaned up their bedrooms. Princess did a really nice job. I will have to comment to her later when I get the chance. Pumpkin head did a nice job on his room too. I did the dishes with the help of Banana Boy. He offered so I figured I better take him up on it! The house is not spotless but it isn't bad. So, I felt I could go and spend some time scrapbooking while the kids headed out doors to enjoy a gorgeous day.
Because of all the rain we got over the last several days, our little creek is spilling out over it's banks. Next thing I know, Princess is asking me if they can put on their swimsuits and play in the creek. It's hard to resist...mud and water. The best playground in the universe. It has been an enjoyable afternoon with only a few skirmishes involving shared flotation devices/boats (aka the plastic peices of a play set they have all outgrown). My only instruction was that they come in through the laundry room and shed their wet muddy clothes by the washing machine and be willing to take a shower when asked to do so by mom.
We won't have many more days like this, so soak it up and relax. I guess it really isn't an average Saturday.
Or so I would like to think.
Peanut, who informed me today that he would now like to be called Olive, snuck into bed with me sometime during my coma and took over the bed. He's not even 4 feet tall but he can sprawl and he is stubborn too...I can't just gently roll him or push him over because he just springs right back like a boomerang. So, I lay on my sliver of the queen sized bed and try to drift off again.
CRASH!!! followed by lots of yelling. I try to ignore it. Then Banana Boy bursts through my door and says, "I'm hungry. When's breakfast?"
Do I dare to look at the clock? Perhaps it is later than I think.
It isn't. It's 7:30.
"Kids!! Let me sleep. I get one day, ONE day to rest a little more. Could you PLEASE, PLEASE, PPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEE, yes I am begging you, keep the noise and chaos down to a minimum for at least another hour???"
Except I think I only said that in my head. What actually came out verbally was something akin to the growl of a bear woken up early from hibernation, complete with with swatting at the air and a slam of the door.
Finally, I do wake up fully and they are happily watching a movie we rented last night. There is no big mess waiting...no bigger than what there was when I fell asleep at 9:30 last night. They were hungry but not obnoxiously bugging me for food. Whew.
So, I decided to make pancakes. I searched the cupboard only to realize that I did not have any Bisquick. So, my "quick" and fun breakfast was going to change. I had to find a recipe for pancakes. And I found that I actually have Buttermilk and ALL the ingredients for Buttermilk pancakes! Hooray! And it took longer to make than Bisquick pancakes but the effort was greeted with silence as 4 hungry mouths gobbled every pancake up.
The kids cleaned up their bedrooms. Princess did a really nice job. I will have to comment to her later when I get the chance. Pumpkin head did a nice job on his room too. I did the dishes with the help of Banana Boy. He offered so I figured I better take him up on it! The house is not spotless but it isn't bad. So, I felt I could go and spend some time scrapbooking while the kids headed out doors to enjoy a gorgeous day.
Because of all the rain we got over the last several days, our little creek is spilling out over it's banks. Next thing I know, Princess is asking me if they can put on their swimsuits and play in the creek. It's hard to resist...mud and water. The best playground in the universe. It has been an enjoyable afternoon with only a few skirmishes involving shared flotation devices/boats (aka the plastic peices of a play set they have all outgrown). My only instruction was that they come in through the laundry room and shed their wet muddy clothes by the washing machine and be willing to take a shower when asked to do so by mom.
We won't have many more days like this, so soak it up and relax. I guess it really isn't an average Saturday.
Friday, September 28, 2007
My other kids
I just read over some of my previous blog entries adn realized that I don't talk to much about my other 2 kids; Princess and Pumpkin Head. It could be that they don't do the outrageous things that Banana Boy and Peanut do. But I assure you, they are normal kids who get into trouble, drive me crazy or fill me with love overflowing. They are just more subtle or maybe a bit overshadowed by the difficult child and the youngest who is very cute, and knows it.
So, Princess is on the verge of adolesence, much to my chagrin and despite my denial. Most days, she is even tempered and sweet, although very much a "mini-mom" with a strong tendency to be bossy. However, she is more reliable than the others and tries very hard to do the right thing. And I have realized over the last few years, she is a slob and not very organized. Case in point, she has a loft that her Grandpa built however, when we moved to our house and I put it up, she realized that she didn't like how high it was and we had to dismantle the ceiling fan in order for her to use it. A week after putting it together, I took it back down. She then borrowed the bed frame that was for Banana Boy. Once BB moved into his room, his mattress was on the floor. this week, New York and I cut the legs down of the loft and I began to reassemble the loft.
What could have taken but a few hours, wound up taking most of the day. IT was a custom built loft and so the pieces did not all fit back together and I had to take it apart and flip things around. It was not the high point for me. There was much banging, some bad words and some statements like "Leave me alone...Get out of here..."
I realized from reading the Desperate Households book, that this type of activity is not something I do well sharing with company. Some people, like NY, can continue to work with kids flitting in and out, asking questions, offering to "help". This frustrates me and raises my blood pressure to a boiling point. Sadly, I recognized it when Pumpkin head came in to ask me something and I yelled harshly, "NOT NOW." and he burst into tears. So, I then called out, "Honey, it's not you...this bed is frustrating me and I am having a hard time concentrating." He then went out the door and announced to all in earshot, "Mommy is NOT in a good mood."
Ugh. And later NY commented on the considerable banging he heard. I told him it was a good thing he didn't hear the cursing out of my mouth.
But by 6:30 pm, the bed was put together. NY drilled some new holes for me so that the bolts could be put in place and the bed would not collapse. While I was moving things around in Princess's room, I began to clean. It was necessary because there was no way to get that bed in without rearraging her belongings...I found so much junk stuffed into corners and under dressers and in drawers. I had to complete the job. I filled one whole trash bag from her tiny room. Then I proceeded to organize her room. It looks nice now and she is pleased with it. But it is going to take a lot of work on her part to keep it organized and neat. However, she can't shove stuff under her bed because it is 3 feet off the ground and will be apparent to all.
I surveyed my work and realized that this little room of hers is just the sort of room I would have loved to have had when I was her age. IT's got cute stenciled flowers, a cool bed, little baskets and is just cute. I hope she likes it. I am going to do some things to help her remember where to put things and how to keep her room well organized. Organization is my strength. She did not get that gift. But I have also realized that I am not a naturally tidy person and she did get that from me.
Pumpkin-head is my sweet little first grader. Not perfect but sweet and adorable. He loves school. His teacher says he is so enthusiastic and is making friends quickly. He does seem to have my organization gene and also the untidy gene. He can sort drawers and shelves and likes to put things in order. He told me he loves to "Tidy Up" his desk everyday before leaving school. YOu wouldn't know it by his room but the potential is good, if I can teach him how to transfer the organization ability to neatness.
One of the things I love about him is how he just "vibrates" when he gets excited. It's hard to describe but he wiggles and jiggles when something captivates him. And then he will go off into a cute little animated description of what he did. But when he gets mad, this soft-spoken sweetie can get really loud and say some pretty mean things.
I am trying to get certain words out of my kids vocabulary, but it's so hard. Words like "You idiot", "F-RT", "Stupid"... I can hear a voice in my head saying, "Well, good luck with that." I can dreams and have goals. Don't know when they will be accomplished but they are there.
So, Princess is on the verge of adolesence, much to my chagrin and despite my denial. Most days, she is even tempered and sweet, although very much a "mini-mom" with a strong tendency to be bossy. However, she is more reliable than the others and tries very hard to do the right thing. And I have realized over the last few years, she is a slob and not very organized. Case in point, she has a loft that her Grandpa built however, when we moved to our house and I put it up, she realized that she didn't like how high it was and we had to dismantle the ceiling fan in order for her to use it. A week after putting it together, I took it back down. She then borrowed the bed frame that was for Banana Boy. Once BB moved into his room, his mattress was on the floor. this week, New York and I cut the legs down of the loft and I began to reassemble the loft.
What could have taken but a few hours, wound up taking most of the day. IT was a custom built loft and so the pieces did not all fit back together and I had to take it apart and flip things around. It was not the high point for me. There was much banging, some bad words and some statements like "Leave me alone...Get out of here..."
I realized from reading the Desperate Households book, that this type of activity is not something I do well sharing with company. Some people, like NY, can continue to work with kids flitting in and out, asking questions, offering to "help". This frustrates me and raises my blood pressure to a boiling point. Sadly, I recognized it when Pumpkin head came in to ask me something and I yelled harshly, "NOT NOW." and he burst into tears. So, I then called out, "Honey, it's not you...this bed is frustrating me and I am having a hard time concentrating." He then went out the door and announced to all in earshot, "Mommy is NOT in a good mood."
Ugh. And later NY commented on the considerable banging he heard. I told him it was a good thing he didn't hear the cursing out of my mouth.
But by 6:30 pm, the bed was put together. NY drilled some new holes for me so that the bolts could be put in place and the bed would not collapse. While I was moving things around in Princess's room, I began to clean. It was necessary because there was no way to get that bed in without rearraging her belongings...I found so much junk stuffed into corners and under dressers and in drawers. I had to complete the job. I filled one whole trash bag from her tiny room. Then I proceeded to organize her room. It looks nice now and she is pleased with it. But it is going to take a lot of work on her part to keep it organized and neat. However, she can't shove stuff under her bed because it is 3 feet off the ground and will be apparent to all.
I surveyed my work and realized that this little room of hers is just the sort of room I would have loved to have had when I was her age. IT's got cute stenciled flowers, a cool bed, little baskets and is just cute. I hope she likes it. I am going to do some things to help her remember where to put things and how to keep her room well organized. Organization is my strength. She did not get that gift. But I have also realized that I am not a naturally tidy person and she did get that from me.
Pumpkin-head is my sweet little first grader. Not perfect but sweet and adorable. He loves school. His teacher says he is so enthusiastic and is making friends quickly. He does seem to have my organization gene and also the untidy gene. He can sort drawers and shelves and likes to put things in order. He told me he loves to "Tidy Up" his desk everyday before leaving school. YOu wouldn't know it by his room but the potential is good, if I can teach him how to transfer the organization ability to neatness.
One of the things I love about him is how he just "vibrates" when he gets excited. It's hard to describe but he wiggles and jiggles when something captivates him. And then he will go off into a cute little animated description of what he did. But when he gets mad, this soft-spoken sweetie can get really loud and say some pretty mean things.
I am trying to get certain words out of my kids vocabulary, but it's so hard. Words like "You idiot", "F-RT", "Stupid"... I can hear a voice in my head saying, "Well, good luck with that." I can dreams and have goals. Don't know when they will be accomplished but they are there.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Woes of Motherhood
Right now, I feel completely beaten down, frazzled, frantic, discouraged, frustrated and completely exhausted. I can tell that I am so worn down because I am snapping at my kids, barking at everyone...and I am ready for bed before 10 every night.
My son, Banana Boy, is very ADHD. And quite frankly, he is the source of my feeling drained and discouraged. I am really struggling with how to handle his behaviors, attitudes, homework, housework, routines, even dinner time is a battle ground.
I was in Northwestern Bookstore this week and came across this book, which I bought, called "Desperate Households". I rather like the play on words with the TV show but I know that the topic of this book is much more wholesome than the things I have heard about the show Desperate Housewives. I also think it shows just how I am feeling. Desperate and out of control.
Banana Boy and I have started seeing a psychologist who is going to help both us manage life better. We met her 2 weeks ago and Caleb told me that he can't wait to go back. It could be the Pirate legos in her office but I think he also picked up a sense that this is a good place and a good thing for us to do. I met with her today alone and she laid out an overview of where we are going to go in therapy.
I have seen at least 3 other psychologists over the years, since I separated and divorced 5 years ago. And she is the first one to not only listen and reflect back what I am saying but also to give me practical things to take home and practice with Caleb. I just about fell at her feet and wept with gratitude. THIS is what I have been looking for. But don't get me wrong, she is not offering me a quick fix or a magic bullet. She made it very clear that this is the just the start. She also told me she didn't want to overwhelm me but sensed that I am highly motivated (or in my own words...highly desperate) so she laid out an outline of behavior therapy that works best for a child who is highly defiant like my BB is. And I had a few "Ah Ha's" when she mentioned a few things that do not work with kids like BB. And it made sense then why it feels like I am beating my head against a brick wall in frustration because what I have tried doing to date is not effective.
I have my work cut out for me. I have some homework to do with BB. I am going to keep reading Desperate Households. I may even blog some of the best things from that book or my "Ah ha's".
At this point, the best thing that keeps floating in my brain is from the Bible, in 2 Timothy 1: 7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Oh, I need that sound mind. Not to mention, no fear. God gave me this child and He will see me through this time. I just need to rest in Him and fall at His feet, weeping with my woes and clinging to His promises.
My son, Banana Boy, is very ADHD. And quite frankly, he is the source of my feeling drained and discouraged. I am really struggling with how to handle his behaviors, attitudes, homework, housework, routines, even dinner time is a battle ground.
I was in Northwestern Bookstore this week and came across this book, which I bought, called "Desperate Households". I rather like the play on words with the TV show but I know that the topic of this book is much more wholesome than the things I have heard about the show Desperate Housewives. I also think it shows just how I am feeling. Desperate and out of control.
Banana Boy and I have started seeing a psychologist who is going to help both us manage life better. We met her 2 weeks ago and Caleb told me that he can't wait to go back. It could be the Pirate legos in her office but I think he also picked up a sense that this is a good place and a good thing for us to do. I met with her today alone and she laid out an overview of where we are going to go in therapy.
I have seen at least 3 other psychologists over the years, since I separated and divorced 5 years ago. And she is the first one to not only listen and reflect back what I am saying but also to give me practical things to take home and practice with Caleb. I just about fell at her feet and wept with gratitude. THIS is what I have been looking for. But don't get me wrong, she is not offering me a quick fix or a magic bullet. She made it very clear that this is the just the start. She also told me she didn't want to overwhelm me but sensed that I am highly motivated (or in my own words...highly desperate) so she laid out an outline of behavior therapy that works best for a child who is highly defiant like my BB is. And I had a few "Ah Ha's" when she mentioned a few things that do not work with kids like BB. And it made sense then why it feels like I am beating my head against a brick wall in frustration because what I have tried doing to date is not effective.
I have my work cut out for me. I have some homework to do with BB. I am going to keep reading Desperate Households. I may even blog some of the best things from that book or my "Ah ha's".
At this point, the best thing that keeps floating in my brain is from the Bible, in 2 Timothy 1: 7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Oh, I need that sound mind. Not to mention, no fear. God gave me this child and He will see me through this time. I just need to rest in Him and fall at His feet, weeping with my woes and clinging to His promises.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Overheard at the office
I am a Psych nurse working in the community. The population of people I primarily work with are what we call SPMI or Serious and Persistant Mentally Ill. We have criteria that we go through in order to determine if someone is SPMI. As "THE" nurse in the office, I also float between two teams; the intake team and the ongoing case management team. I hear some funny things. And I share them because they tickled my funny bone and because I believe that humor is an excellent coping mechanism and helps me not to take life to seriously. Sometimes, my job does become very serious and I am part of some very difficult decisions about a client staying out in the community or needing to go in to the hospital. So some levity, and sometimes a bit off-collar humor, helps me cope and keeps me grounded.
So, here are some of the funniest things I have heard at work:
1. "What is his/her diagnosis?"
"Well, he's crazy."
"Aren't they all? Its called Job Security."
2. "He didn't make the cut." while discussing the eligibility of a potential client.
3. "so I congratulated him on his status and eligibility"
"Oh, I bet he was excited to know that he is officially and certifiably mentally ill."
4. "He's pleasantly delusional."
Like I said, a bit off color, but laughter is how we cope and continue to do what we do. It's a tough job. Our clients are not always the easiest people to work with but in many ways, are some of the neediest people around. So, it does help to laugh and not get in too deep, or we burn out.
So, here are some of the funniest things I have heard at work:
1. "What is his/her diagnosis?"
"Well, he's crazy."
"Aren't they all? Its called Job Security."
2. "He didn't make the cut." while discussing the eligibility of a potential client.
3. "so I congratulated him on his status and eligibility"
"Oh, I bet he was excited to know that he is officially and certifiably mentally ill."
4. "He's pleasantly delusional."
Like I said, a bit off color, but laughter is how we cope and continue to do what we do. It's a tough job. Our clients are not always the easiest people to work with but in many ways, are some of the neediest people around. So, it does help to laugh and not get in too deep, or we burn out.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
He can sell you the shirt off your back
My school-age kids are selling various items for school. My daughter is selling candybars for $1. It's the hot item. She sold almost her whole box this weekend. Young Peanut has been waiting for over a day for a candy bar. He tried various means of getting a candy bar. The grown ups explained that these candy bars cost a dollar and did he have a dollar for one? He tried to say he lost his dollar. That didn't work. Then he cried. Tears are his most effective weapon in his 4 year old arsenal. Grandma succumed and bought him one. He was elated and his eyes grew big as saucers when he unwrapped it.
A short while later, he had been given some starburst which was a party favor from a baby shower. He began to offer his one starburst. He first said to Grandpa, "Do you want to sign up?" Grandpa replies, "Sign up for what?" Peanut shows him his starburst and says, "You can have it for a dollar." Grandpa laughed. So, Peanut tried his technique on Grandma. She did not buy it for buck. Then he offered it to Mommy who also did not buy but offered to take it as a gift. I found it funny that he named his price as the same price as a chocolate bar. But obviously, he has no concept of value.
A short while later, he had been given some starburst which was a party favor from a baby shower. He began to offer his one starburst. He first said to Grandpa, "Do you want to sign up?" Grandpa replies, "Sign up for what?" Peanut shows him his starburst and says, "You can have it for a dollar." Grandpa laughed. So, Peanut tried his technique on Grandma. She did not buy it for buck. Then he offered it to Mommy who also did not buy but offered to take it as a gift. I found it funny that he named his price as the same price as a chocolate bar. But obviously, he has no concept of value.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
The end of the weekend
On Friday afternoon, I start thinking about what I wish to do over the weekend. (Ok, sometimes, I start thinking about that in the morning or the night before). 48 hours hardly seems sufficient to pack everything in. However, this weekend, I am quite pleased to reflect on having accomplished everything I intended to do...perhaps not all I SHOULD do, but all I intended.
Saturday Morning: My fiance found a flier at the library advertising free airplane rides for kids ages 8 to 17 and this saturday was the last day for this year. I called the number but never did get a phone call back. So, we decided we would go anyway and hope for the best. We did spend the better part of an hour driving around the airport in Blaine in order to finally find the way in. Thankfully, the pilot was still willing to take my oldest two kids up for a 23 minute flight.
What I find interesting is that this was free. Totally amazing! And my kids were so excited about it. But what really struck me was when my "New York" said to me, "I agree the kids are brave to go up but you are brave to let them." I never even gave it a second thought when we decided to pursue it. I figured it was an awesome opportunity and why not let them experience it. I suppose, if I had tried hard enough I could have found a thousand reasons or even just one, good reasons why NOT to let them go. Those thoughts actually didn't come to mind until they had safely landed. But I am glad that they had the chance to do it and I expressed my gratitude to the pilot many times for doing this. He said that he loves to do this and is happy to do it for free because he gets paid in smiles and hugs!
what an amazing attitude!
While the oldest two were in the air, New York, Pumpkin-head, Peanut and I strolled around the air museum and explored all sorts of grounded military vehicles. I took lots of cool pictures. A couple I think I may have to blow up to poster size and hang in their bedroom. Peanut really really wanted to go in the plane but he quickly got into the spirit of exploring the army trucks, bombs, and a cargo helicopter. We felt quite sneaky opening doors and letting the kids climb in but no one ever told us not to, so we kept the experience very hands on. This would never happen at a big museum so it was an awesome experience for the boys. They talked about it all day.
Saturday afternoon: I scrapbooked for over an hour in relative peace, and stopped because i decided I wanted to stop. Usually I am interupted and have to quit. So I enjoyed being able to work for a while and stop when I was ready.
Later Saturday afternoon: We went to a kick-off BBQ for my church sunday school class. I met some new people and visited with old friends. The kids, of which I have no idea how many there were but it was MANY, ran around and played so nicely together. At one point in the evening, the hostess went down to the basement to check on the kids. There were over 10 kids down there. She came back and said, "I don't believe it but they are all quietly playing together...amazing!" It was bliss! Someone did remark that we have crossed over to a different phase. Years ago, the kids were babies and toddlers and thus the kids were always close by if not on our laps and now, they are off playing and we grown-ups can sit and visit kid-free.
I was so exhausted, I was asleep before 10pm! In fact, I fell asleep in the chair for a while, with the kitten sitting on my chest. She and I both went to bed at that point.
Sunday morning: worship at church. Followed by a Pig Roast and pot-luck lunch. I met new people and enjoyed fabulous food. I even baked bread. That is something I have only begun to do...actually prepare food rather than shortcutting and buying something to share. I was secretly tickled to watch people eat what I brought. It was Irish Soda Bread, by the way. And it was very good. I will have to make it again.
Sunday afternoon: the kids cleaned their rooms. My daughter actually rearranged her room and cleaned it real well. I worked in the garage. I sorted through winter clothes like jackets and snow pants. Then I swapped out summer clothes for fall/winter clothes and put them away in the drawers. I succeeded in cleaning the garage and organizing it enough that I can actually fit my van in it. The kids found the box with the Halloween costumes and were playing dress up. Peanut came over wearing a black wig with braids and saying "Look at me, I'm a girl. This is real girl hair...from a real girl." Much to my chagrin, they greeted the neighbor heartily while dressed as a crayon, an indian princess, a witch and a joker. I'm sure she got a kick out of it.
After this, I even got more of my scrapbook kingdom organized and cleared more floor space.
I really accomplished a lot in this 48 hour span. And now, I am going to fall into a blessed slumber before my head hits the pillow because I have worn myself out with these accomplishments. What I have learned is that with good planning, much can be accomplished. And strangley even though there were many things going on in short amount of time, I never felt rushed. I took my time and set my own pace and still got things done. hmmmm interesting!
Saturday Morning: My fiance found a flier at the library advertising free airplane rides for kids ages 8 to 17 and this saturday was the last day for this year. I called the number but never did get a phone call back. So, we decided we would go anyway and hope for the best. We did spend the better part of an hour driving around the airport in Blaine in order to finally find the way in. Thankfully, the pilot was still willing to take my oldest two kids up for a 23 minute flight.
What I find interesting is that this was free. Totally amazing! And my kids were so excited about it. But what really struck me was when my "New York" said to me, "I agree the kids are brave to go up but you are brave to let them." I never even gave it a second thought when we decided to pursue it. I figured it was an awesome opportunity and why not let them experience it. I suppose, if I had tried hard enough I could have found a thousand reasons or even just one, good reasons why NOT to let them go. Those thoughts actually didn't come to mind until they had safely landed. But I am glad that they had the chance to do it and I expressed my gratitude to the pilot many times for doing this. He said that he loves to do this and is happy to do it for free because he gets paid in smiles and hugs!
what an amazing attitude!
While the oldest two were in the air, New York, Pumpkin-head, Peanut and I strolled around the air museum and explored all sorts of grounded military vehicles. I took lots of cool pictures. A couple I think I may have to blow up to poster size and hang in their bedroom. Peanut really really wanted to go in the plane but he quickly got into the spirit of exploring the army trucks, bombs, and a cargo helicopter. We felt quite sneaky opening doors and letting the kids climb in but no one ever told us not to, so we kept the experience very hands on. This would never happen at a big museum so it was an awesome experience for the boys. They talked about it all day.
Saturday afternoon: I scrapbooked for over an hour in relative peace, and stopped because i decided I wanted to stop. Usually I am interupted and have to quit. So I enjoyed being able to work for a while and stop when I was ready.
Later Saturday afternoon: We went to a kick-off BBQ for my church sunday school class. I met some new people and visited with old friends. The kids, of which I have no idea how many there were but it was MANY, ran around and played so nicely together. At one point in the evening, the hostess went down to the basement to check on the kids. There were over 10 kids down there. She came back and said, "I don't believe it but they are all quietly playing together...amazing!" It was bliss! Someone did remark that we have crossed over to a different phase. Years ago, the kids were babies and toddlers and thus the kids were always close by if not on our laps and now, they are off playing and we grown-ups can sit and visit kid-free.
I was so exhausted, I was asleep before 10pm! In fact, I fell asleep in the chair for a while, with the kitten sitting on my chest. She and I both went to bed at that point.
Sunday morning: worship at church. Followed by a Pig Roast and pot-luck lunch. I met new people and enjoyed fabulous food. I even baked bread. That is something I have only begun to do...actually prepare food rather than shortcutting and buying something to share. I was secretly tickled to watch people eat what I brought. It was Irish Soda Bread, by the way. And it was very good. I will have to make it again.
Sunday afternoon: the kids cleaned their rooms. My daughter actually rearranged her room and cleaned it real well. I worked in the garage. I sorted through winter clothes like jackets and snow pants. Then I swapped out summer clothes for fall/winter clothes and put them away in the drawers. I succeeded in cleaning the garage and organizing it enough that I can actually fit my van in it. The kids found the box with the Halloween costumes and were playing dress up. Peanut came over wearing a black wig with braids and saying "Look at me, I'm a girl. This is real girl hair...from a real girl." Much to my chagrin, they greeted the neighbor heartily while dressed as a crayon, an indian princess, a witch and a joker. I'm sure she got a kick out of it.
After this, I even got more of my scrapbook kingdom organized and cleared more floor space.
I really accomplished a lot in this 48 hour span. And now, I am going to fall into a blessed slumber before my head hits the pillow because I have worn myself out with these accomplishments. What I have learned is that with good planning, much can be accomplished. And strangley even though there were many things going on in short amount of time, I never felt rushed. I took my time and set my own pace and still got things done. hmmmm interesting!
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
The End of Summer
Yesterday, I put 3 out of 4 kids onto the school bus for the first day of school. It was no one's "first day of school ever" so I was calm, cool and collected and took some very cute pictures. I also took the day off in order to see them off to school and then when they got home and to be quite honest, to have a few hours of peace and quiet all to myself.
Right now, I am listening to Sara Groves "Conversations" and it is putting me in a very reflective mood. I also read a friend's blog and feel inspired to compose a couple of lists about things I am thinking about... or pondering, treasuring in my heart whichever it may be at the moment.
Tulip Mom's List of Summer Highlights:
1. Moving to a new home, from an apartment to a house!
2. Sitting on my deck, watching the trees rustle and feeling the breeze on my face.
3. Watching my 6 year old learn to swim underwater at the lake.
4. Watching my 4.5 year old dance.
5. Thunder and lightning.
6. Watching fireworks with my kids, especially Peanut because it was his first time.
7. the smell of fresh rain
8. The downy woodpecker on the dead tree and the day Peanut decided it was HIS woodpecker and it was named "Sizzlie"
9. Our new kitten
10. going to lunch with co-workers
11. Standing on the deck, at my post, while my fiance attempted to chase a bat out of the house
12. Finding a mouse in the bathtub and catching it in a can.
13. The sound of tree frogs
14. My daughter's "creature" container which has captured a tree frog, a "golden" dragon fly, a mosquito.
15. Ant farms and cricket castles
16. Biking to the library
17. Inviting friends over for dinner
18. scrapbooking
19. taking pictures of my kids
20. bringing a co-worker home during lunch because we were in the neighborhood and finding my kids jumping in the mud/creek bed and having her laugh about it all afternoon
21. going to Bunker Beach and riding water slides with my oldest 2 kids for the first time
22. Jumping in the waves with my 6 year old and 4 year old
23. Backyard BBQ's
24. Sorting school supplies and writing names on everything
25. On the first day of school: Pumpkin-head (6 year old 1st grader) saying "I thought about my classroom number all night...102, 102, 102..."
26. Coming home to a completely empty house after kids go to school, Peanut goes to daycare and just sitting in my favorite chair and reading a book for a peaceful hour
27. Joining weight watchers and losing 7.2 lbs
28. Getting a call from the nurse on the first day of school to say that Banana Boy fainted during lunch.
29. Painting and decorating kids bedrooms and hearing them say, "I LOVE my room"
30. a clean kitchen counter
31. the taste of a cold glass of iced tea
Right now, I am listening to Sara Groves "Conversations" and it is putting me in a very reflective mood. I also read a friend's blog and feel inspired to compose a couple of lists about things I am thinking about... or pondering, treasuring in my heart whichever it may be at the moment.
Tulip Mom's List of Summer Highlights:
1. Moving to a new home, from an apartment to a house!
2. Sitting on my deck, watching the trees rustle and feeling the breeze on my face.
3. Watching my 6 year old learn to swim underwater at the lake.
4. Watching my 4.5 year old dance.
5. Thunder and lightning.
6. Watching fireworks with my kids, especially Peanut because it was his first time.
7. the smell of fresh rain
8. The downy woodpecker on the dead tree and the day Peanut decided it was HIS woodpecker and it was named "Sizzlie"
9. Our new kitten
10. going to lunch with co-workers
11. Standing on the deck, at my post, while my fiance attempted to chase a bat out of the house
12. Finding a mouse in the bathtub and catching it in a can.
13. The sound of tree frogs
14. My daughter's "creature" container which has captured a tree frog, a "golden" dragon fly, a mosquito.
15. Ant farms and cricket castles
16. Biking to the library
17. Inviting friends over for dinner
18. scrapbooking
19. taking pictures of my kids
20. bringing a co-worker home during lunch because we were in the neighborhood and finding my kids jumping in the mud/creek bed and having her laugh about it all afternoon
21. going to Bunker Beach and riding water slides with my oldest 2 kids for the first time
22. Jumping in the waves with my 6 year old and 4 year old
23. Backyard BBQ's
24. Sorting school supplies and writing names on everything
25. On the first day of school: Pumpkin-head (6 year old 1st grader) saying "I thought about my classroom number all night...102, 102, 102..."
26. Coming home to a completely empty house after kids go to school, Peanut goes to daycare and just sitting in my favorite chair and reading a book for a peaceful hour
27. Joining weight watchers and losing 7.2 lbs
28. Getting a call from the nurse on the first day of school to say that Banana Boy fainted during lunch.
29. Painting and decorating kids bedrooms and hearing them say, "I LOVE my room"
30. a clean kitchen counter
31. the taste of a cold glass of iced tea
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Gossip
I have recently increased my awareness of gossip and just how rampant it is. This past week, I was an active player in a situation that was ripe for the gossip grapevine. And thanks to some very wise counsel, I was prepared for the "well-meaning" concern and questions people had for me.
Someone in the office had a medication reaction and I was asked to make an assessment and determine what the next step should be. I was proud to be asked to do this and that my opinion was valued in this manner. I made my assessment and the person went to the hospital and consequently was out for about a week.
My supervisor is very saavy and wise to the goings-on in the office and was very sensitive to how "tongues wag". She left me a voice-mail and cautioned me that people might ask me what happened but I needed to respect the person's privacy and offer no information other than the person "didn't feel well".
For several days, i was expecting someone to ask me what happened. Nobody did. Whew! I was prepared but didn't need to use my preparation. Then I was driving with a coworker to an appointment when out of the blue, I was asked, "So, were you here when so-and-so went off on so-and-so....I heard that ..........."
Whoa!
In my head, warning bells were going off, sort of like that loud buzzer when security has been breached in a movie....but I heard "GOSSIP....GOSSIP....GOSSIP" in my head. I quietly, listened while taking a deep breath. I had the tantilizing information my companion wanted. It was a really strong temptation. Truly, the information that came to me in this conversation was new to me so I could honestly say, "I had not heard that."
But my heart was not content to just dismiss this attempt to gossip. So, I said, "I don't know what happened and I guess it really is her story to share, if she wants to." And with that, the conversation shifted to another topic.
It made me think about how many times I have been in a conversation like this and have not been made aware ahead of time that the tempation to gossip was coming, and I have succumbed. I don't think I can ever do that again without thinking about this scenario I experience and realizing that the power I had was to either further the rumor-mill and contribute to malicious gossip or I could protect the privacy of the other party as best I could and keep the information under my hat.
I hope that I can continue to grow in this area.
Someone in the office had a medication reaction and I was asked to make an assessment and determine what the next step should be. I was proud to be asked to do this and that my opinion was valued in this manner. I made my assessment and the person went to the hospital and consequently was out for about a week.
My supervisor is very saavy and wise to the goings-on in the office and was very sensitive to how "tongues wag". She left me a voice-mail and cautioned me that people might ask me what happened but I needed to respect the person's privacy and offer no information other than the person "didn't feel well".
For several days, i was expecting someone to ask me what happened. Nobody did. Whew! I was prepared but didn't need to use my preparation. Then I was driving with a coworker to an appointment when out of the blue, I was asked, "So, were you here when so-and-so went off on so-and-so....I heard that ..........."
Whoa!
In my head, warning bells were going off, sort of like that loud buzzer when security has been breached in a movie....but I heard "GOSSIP....GOSSIP....GOSSIP" in my head. I quietly, listened while taking a deep breath. I had the tantilizing information my companion wanted. It was a really strong temptation. Truly, the information that came to me in this conversation was new to me so I could honestly say, "I had not heard that."
But my heart was not content to just dismiss this attempt to gossip. So, I said, "I don't know what happened and I guess it really is her story to share, if she wants to." And with that, the conversation shifted to another topic.
It made me think about how many times I have been in a conversation like this and have not been made aware ahead of time that the tempation to gossip was coming, and I have succumbed. I don't think I can ever do that again without thinking about this scenario I experience and realizing that the power I had was to either further the rumor-mill and contribute to malicious gossip or I could protect the privacy of the other party as best I could and keep the information under my hat.
I hope that I can continue to grow in this area.
Out of the Loop
This is how I felt all week. Out of the Loop. Important decisions that impacted my job and all that I do at work were made around me and I was the last to know. Very frustrating.
I took two days of vacation last week and then I had a mandatory training on Monday so I was out of the office for 3 work days. Needless to say, coming to work on Tuesday morning was a rather frantic affair. And if my head was not already spinning with all the I had to try and fit in, my sitter called and said my 8 yo was throwing up and needed to be picked up right away. I had 6 client visits booked, 3 meetings and 12 phone calls to return. And then, I learn of the plans laid for my job.
There are now 2 mental health nurses working for the county. I work in the north office, she works in the southern office. but there are 3 teams. I have clients on all 3 teams. I was curious how we were going to divide the work load. I had already discussed my ideas with my supervisor. But all of a sudden I get calls from case managers saying that they are going to refer their clients to another organization for skilled nursing.
I was scratching my head, trying to figure it all out. I am not really upset by the changes. In fact, I am fine with it because it will help free up time for me to do some of the things I would like to do like going out with the intake team and making assessments of new referrals and being able to bring the medical component to the full picture of each client. What I am bothered by is the way that these changes were made and the lack of information I was given.
But, by the end of the week, I got over it. And I did survive the chaos. My fiance' was able to pick up my boys, one was already home because he had a fever, and then one threw up and one looked like he might, but never did. I was able to meet with the clients I needed to or schedule them for the next day. All things got finished and the time went by very fast.
If this is how it is after I take 2 days vacation, what is it going to be like if I take a week? I shudder at the thought but having a week off sounds positively divine.
Another blessing occured at the end of the week. I had my clincial supervision with a psychologist. It's like "work therapy". And she was really good at helping me sort out my head in light of all these changes and she has really given me a lot of positive feedback and direction for my role on the teams I am on. I went home on Friday, feeling less burdened and more ready to face the next challenges and hopefully, I will find a way to better stay in the loop.
I took two days of vacation last week and then I had a mandatory training on Monday so I was out of the office for 3 work days. Needless to say, coming to work on Tuesday morning was a rather frantic affair. And if my head was not already spinning with all the I had to try and fit in, my sitter called and said my 8 yo was throwing up and needed to be picked up right away. I had 6 client visits booked, 3 meetings and 12 phone calls to return. And then, I learn of the plans laid for my job.
There are now 2 mental health nurses working for the county. I work in the north office, she works in the southern office. but there are 3 teams. I have clients on all 3 teams. I was curious how we were going to divide the work load. I had already discussed my ideas with my supervisor. But all of a sudden I get calls from case managers saying that they are going to refer their clients to another organization for skilled nursing.
I was scratching my head, trying to figure it all out. I am not really upset by the changes. In fact, I am fine with it because it will help free up time for me to do some of the things I would like to do like going out with the intake team and making assessments of new referrals and being able to bring the medical component to the full picture of each client. What I am bothered by is the way that these changes were made and the lack of information I was given.
But, by the end of the week, I got over it. And I did survive the chaos. My fiance' was able to pick up my boys, one was already home because he had a fever, and then one threw up and one looked like he might, but never did. I was able to meet with the clients I needed to or schedule them for the next day. All things got finished and the time went by very fast.
If this is how it is after I take 2 days vacation, what is it going to be like if I take a week? I shudder at the thought but having a week off sounds positively divine.
Another blessing occured at the end of the week. I had my clincial supervision with a psychologist. It's like "work therapy". And she was really good at helping me sort out my head in light of all these changes and she has really given me a lot of positive feedback and direction for my role on the teams I am on. I went home on Friday, feeling less burdened and more ready to face the next challenges and hopefully, I will find a way to better stay in the loop.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
A Tragedy in my own backyard...
Sheepishly, I will confess that I had NO CLUE about the collapse of the I35 bridge over the Mississippi that occurred last night. I can blame the fact that I do not have TV reception and thus I am out of the loop. But when I heard about it while driving in to work this morning, my heart was no less broken than had I heard the news last night or watched the live feed coming across the air waves. In some ways, I am rather glad I didn't watch the news. I have been able to digest and process the horrible tragedy at my own pace and in my own way.
I have driven over that bridge more times than I can count. And I have never once felt in danger. I imagine that people on their way home last night didn't give it a second thought either and then they hit the water. To me, as I discussed it with my fiance, it was rather a poignant illustration of living by faith. I just trust that the corp of engineers that designed this bridge and the numerous folks that have had a part in its repair, know what they are doing. And I blindly assume when I am driving down any road, I am fairly safe in terms of the asphalt or concrete beneath me, barring the phenomenon of "pot holes" and I am more wary of my cohorts driving along with me.
I was more suspicious and cautious today then I have been in a long time. I drove over several bridges and overpasses today and that thought crossed my mind more times than I care to count. IN my discussion with my fiance, New York, we discussed that life is fragile and we don't know when we are going to go. But we both feel like we have more work to do on this earth, but if the Lord called us, we would certainly go willingly and happily to heaven. I am grateful for that assurance at least as I ponder life's uncertainties.
I think what I am most humbled by today is that while this tragedy was unfolding, unbeknownst to me, I was focused upon my own pain and suffering. I will say that I have good reason to be focused on that. Today marks the 5 year anniversary of the day my marriage blew apart and my life changed completely. I was grieving last night. I was ruminating in my head about a friendship that while it is not ending, it has changed and we have moved on and out of each other's lives. I realized this when she hadn't told me until I called her a few weeks ago, that she was very pregnant with her #4. I was a little sad that I didn't get a phone call with that bit of news. And then I realized that when I got engaged a few weeks ago, I did not call her but told her in an email, to which she never replied. These are big signs that this friendship is not on the forefronts of our lives. I was saddened by the realization but at the same time, I was thankful that this friendship has seen me through some of the toughest times in my life and when I really needed a friend, she was there. And now that chapter has closed.
This frame of mind then sent me down the path of my marriage and my former spouse. I have held on to pain for a long time and have slowly let it go. Five years is a monumental milestone. I have come a long way. I have grown and changed in ways I would never have forseen. My life has a richness that it would not have had if I had not gone through the sorrow I did. What was making me the most sad was that I still have many questions that have no answers. The biggest one being "Why?". But as I let my mind and my mouth ramble and gush out all the thoughts that have been lurking, I realized that I have made it this far without answers and I can make it the rest of my life without answers to some of those questions. And some of my questions may not even be mine to ask. So, I feel more settled, albeit a little raw emotionally, and I feel like I have made peace with part of my past.
Then I hear about the bridge. I hung my head and wept. My pain, while 5 years ago was very real, very deep and I felt like I had been ripped apart, today is not so difficult. I have healed but I still have scars adn I still have aches. But there are families in Minneapolis and St. Paul that today are in very real, gut-wrenching, heart breaking pain. I needed that splash of cold water on my face.
I have driven over that bridge more times than I can count. And I have never once felt in danger. I imagine that people on their way home last night didn't give it a second thought either and then they hit the water. To me, as I discussed it with my fiance, it was rather a poignant illustration of living by faith. I just trust that the corp of engineers that designed this bridge and the numerous folks that have had a part in its repair, know what they are doing. And I blindly assume when I am driving down any road, I am fairly safe in terms of the asphalt or concrete beneath me, barring the phenomenon of "pot holes" and I am more wary of my cohorts driving along with me.
I was more suspicious and cautious today then I have been in a long time. I drove over several bridges and overpasses today and that thought crossed my mind more times than I care to count. IN my discussion with my fiance, New York, we discussed that life is fragile and we don't know when we are going to go. But we both feel like we have more work to do on this earth, but if the Lord called us, we would certainly go willingly and happily to heaven. I am grateful for that assurance at least as I ponder life's uncertainties.
I think what I am most humbled by today is that while this tragedy was unfolding, unbeknownst to me, I was focused upon my own pain and suffering. I will say that I have good reason to be focused on that. Today marks the 5 year anniversary of the day my marriage blew apart and my life changed completely. I was grieving last night. I was ruminating in my head about a friendship that while it is not ending, it has changed and we have moved on and out of each other's lives. I realized this when she hadn't told me until I called her a few weeks ago, that she was very pregnant with her #4. I was a little sad that I didn't get a phone call with that bit of news. And then I realized that when I got engaged a few weeks ago, I did not call her but told her in an email, to which she never replied. These are big signs that this friendship is not on the forefronts of our lives. I was saddened by the realization but at the same time, I was thankful that this friendship has seen me through some of the toughest times in my life and when I really needed a friend, she was there. And now that chapter has closed.
This frame of mind then sent me down the path of my marriage and my former spouse. I have held on to pain for a long time and have slowly let it go. Five years is a monumental milestone. I have come a long way. I have grown and changed in ways I would never have forseen. My life has a richness that it would not have had if I had not gone through the sorrow I did. What was making me the most sad was that I still have many questions that have no answers. The biggest one being "Why?". But as I let my mind and my mouth ramble and gush out all the thoughts that have been lurking, I realized that I have made it this far without answers and I can make it the rest of my life without answers to some of those questions. And some of my questions may not even be mine to ask. So, I feel more settled, albeit a little raw emotionally, and I feel like I have made peace with part of my past.
Then I hear about the bridge. I hung my head and wept. My pain, while 5 years ago was very real, very deep and I felt like I had been ripped apart, today is not so difficult. I have healed but I still have scars adn I still have aches. But there are families in Minneapolis and St. Paul that today are in very real, gut-wrenching, heart breaking pain. I needed that splash of cold water on my face.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
It's been a while...
Wow, I haven't written on here since May! Well, much has happened since then and it does explain in part why I haven't been blogging as of late. I moved out of my mouse-infested apartment and into a lovely house with lots of room, a big yard and best yet, unlimited laundry access. I can do laundry whenever I feel like it and I can actually get my clothes dry without having to plug more quarters in or having to hang clothes on hangers in the bathrooms so they don't smell mildew-y! I feel victorious every time I do a load of wash.
It's been a busy summer. I am still unpacking but I have garage that I have all of the unpacked boxes in so I don't have to stare at them day after day while I decide what is going to stay and what is going to go. But the downside is that I don't unpack with as much vigor as I could because I just shut the door and ignore it and find excuses not to unpack things. I have what I need. And if I don't, then I go digging.
The kids are enjoying the great outdoors and since we have no TV reception, they are playing and imaginating like crazy! They have come up with some great play themes. This week, they are building pine cone cities in the sandy driveway. Sometimes, they race bikes down the hill in the back yard or pound rocks to find treasures within.
I am torn as to whether or not I should improve the TV reception or just keep things as they are. I have considered in the fall, getting the most basic of cable plans just to get the local channels adn a few others. I have been out of touch with what is going on in the world. I also did not have a phone, other than my cell, and no internet. It was like a technology holiday. And I have enjoyed the peace.
Now the phone rings, there is no caller ID, and I feel intruded upon and because I have only given my phone number to a select few family members, I know that it is mostly likely a telemarketing call. So, I can choose to ignore the phone or just click it on and hang it up. I'm in no rush to change the status of things.
I did think I was escaping the vermin by moving out of the apartment but it seems that there are vermin here too. And since we are next the woods and across from a field it should be no surprise that a mouse or two get in. I was alarmed and startled nonetheless when we had our first furry visitor.
My daughter said, "Mom, you have got to see this." I was sure what to expect. Low and behold, there was a small grey mouse in the bathtub, looking just as startled as I was and perhaps just as perplexed as to how it got there. I found a large empty soup can and figured i would catch it. My daughter had the brilliant idea of covering the can with a towel so that it could not escape or better still, jump out and run off to another part of the house. After chasing this poor mouse around the tub and realzing that they can jump several times their own body length, and I will be honest, I was squawking and shrieking every time that mouse jumped or I missed catching it in the can. Eventually, I did manage to scoop the little fur-ball into the can and cover it with a towel, and then released it back into the great outdoors. My heart was pumping from the adrenaline and a little fear. Do mice bite?
My boyfriend stated that perhaps this freed mouse will just return another day. "Not after the heart attack I just gave it, it won't!" And since that day, I haven't seen another mouse.
But lately I have heard something and suspected it was mice. Great.
Tonight, while I took Peanut up to bed, we both saw a flash of fur but it was too big to be a mouse. I wasn't sure what it was but I jumped and I screamed. Proud protectress that I am...right. It took a few seconds to recognize it. It was one terrified and started chipmunk. I managed to use my screeching abilities to scare it down the stares where it scrambled under my stove. I haven't seen it since but I am afraid of where it could be now and if there are more. Life in the country!
This past Saturday, in the span of 5 minutes, I had two odd comments made by two separate sons. We were babysitting my parents dog. Peanut, holding a glass cup, looks through it and says, "When I look at *insert dog name here* through this, she looks like a Limo." Interesting. Amusing. Cute.
Peanut exits the scene. A few minutes Banana Boy enters from stage right and says, "Hey, Mom. I have a good idea..." To which I reply, "What is that?", my suspicion radar beeping loudly... "Can I start a fire in the backyard?"
Any guess as to my answer? I looked at him, shook my head and he said, "Why not?" so I explained, "Well, you need a permit from the fire department and Smokey the Bear and considering how dry the grass is, the answer will be no." While I am thinking to myself, There is no way I am giving this budding fire bug permission to start anything on fire and thus why he is not allowed to be on the same plane as BBQ grill. Sometimes, parenting is all about common sense.
It's been a busy summer. I am still unpacking but I have garage that I have all of the unpacked boxes in so I don't have to stare at them day after day while I decide what is going to stay and what is going to go. But the downside is that I don't unpack with as much vigor as I could because I just shut the door and ignore it and find excuses not to unpack things. I have what I need. And if I don't, then I go digging.
The kids are enjoying the great outdoors and since we have no TV reception, they are playing and imaginating like crazy! They have come up with some great play themes. This week, they are building pine cone cities in the sandy driveway. Sometimes, they race bikes down the hill in the back yard or pound rocks to find treasures within.
I am torn as to whether or not I should improve the TV reception or just keep things as they are. I have considered in the fall, getting the most basic of cable plans just to get the local channels adn a few others. I have been out of touch with what is going on in the world. I also did not have a phone, other than my cell, and no internet. It was like a technology holiday. And I have enjoyed the peace.
Now the phone rings, there is no caller ID, and I feel intruded upon and because I have only given my phone number to a select few family members, I know that it is mostly likely a telemarketing call. So, I can choose to ignore the phone or just click it on and hang it up. I'm in no rush to change the status of things.
I did think I was escaping the vermin by moving out of the apartment but it seems that there are vermin here too. And since we are next the woods and across from a field it should be no surprise that a mouse or two get in. I was alarmed and startled nonetheless when we had our first furry visitor.
My daughter said, "Mom, you have got to see this." I was sure what to expect. Low and behold, there was a small grey mouse in the bathtub, looking just as startled as I was and perhaps just as perplexed as to how it got there. I found a large empty soup can and figured i would catch it. My daughter had the brilliant idea of covering the can with a towel so that it could not escape or better still, jump out and run off to another part of the house. After chasing this poor mouse around the tub and realzing that they can jump several times their own body length, and I will be honest, I was squawking and shrieking every time that mouse jumped or I missed catching it in the can. Eventually, I did manage to scoop the little fur-ball into the can and cover it with a towel, and then released it back into the great outdoors. My heart was pumping from the adrenaline and a little fear. Do mice bite?
My boyfriend stated that perhaps this freed mouse will just return another day. "Not after the heart attack I just gave it, it won't!" And since that day, I haven't seen another mouse.
But lately I have heard something and suspected it was mice. Great.
Tonight, while I took Peanut up to bed, we both saw a flash of fur but it was too big to be a mouse. I wasn't sure what it was but I jumped and I screamed. Proud protectress that I am...right. It took a few seconds to recognize it. It was one terrified and started chipmunk. I managed to use my screeching abilities to scare it down the stares where it scrambled under my stove. I haven't seen it since but I am afraid of where it could be now and if there are more. Life in the country!
This past Saturday, in the span of 5 minutes, I had two odd comments made by two separate sons. We were babysitting my parents dog. Peanut, holding a glass cup, looks through it and says, "When I look at *insert dog name here* through this, she looks like a Limo." Interesting. Amusing. Cute.
Peanut exits the scene. A few minutes Banana Boy enters from stage right and says, "Hey, Mom. I have a good idea..." To which I reply, "What is that?", my suspicion radar beeping loudly... "Can I start a fire in the backyard?"
Any guess as to my answer? I looked at him, shook my head and he said, "Why not?" so I explained, "Well, you need a permit from the fire department and Smokey the Bear and considering how dry the grass is, the answer will be no." While I am thinking to myself, There is no way I am giving this budding fire bug permission to start anything on fire and thus why he is not allowed to be on the same plane as BBQ grill. Sometimes, parenting is all about common sense.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Peanut
My little Peanut is developing into quite a little character. He is very funny and of course, very cute. I also love that he is outgoing and friendly to everyone. There is no one he will not say hello to whether walking in the store, or driving by people on street corners. What amazes me still is how people will always wave back and smile at him. As an introvert myself, I find myself in shock at times at the responses he gets. He just expects that people will respond back to him and then they do. Maybe that is why, because he has no inhibitions or hang-ups. Or it could be that he is a very cute, blue-eyed blonde with an infectious smile and charismatic personality.
Today, he really made me laugh. I was putting on his shoes and he gave me a foot. I said, "No, the other one." So he changed and I thought I would take the opportunity to have a teachable moment and so I said, "Peanut, this is your right foot. Do you know what that one is called?"
Very matter-a-factly, he replied, "The other foot."
Like I said, he's very cute and very funny!
Today, he really made me laugh. I was putting on his shoes and he gave me a foot. I said, "No, the other one." So he changed and I thought I would take the opportunity to have a teachable moment and so I said, "Peanut, this is your right foot. Do you know what that one is called?"
Very matter-a-factly, he replied, "The other foot."
Like I said, he's very cute and very funny!
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Toothpaste
I have a love-hate thing with toothpaste. I have not picked a favorite brand. I guess I am not real fussy as long as it does the job and tastes good. I have tried different types for my kids as well. The problem is that it never goes where it is supposed to. Toothpaste has been squirted out on to the sink, the counter, the light switch...even out the window. I have found it on the walls, rubbed all over towels and very seldom on a toothbrush. I have tried every type of container to see if I can find something that is not as tempting to squirt out. Nothing works.
Now I am going to have to resort to keeping it in my bathroom and the kids will have to check it out from me.
However, this week my problem with toothpaste was purely my own. It had nothing to do with the kids. Somehow, I still can't quite figure out how, I wound up getting toothpaste in my eye. If you have ever gotten shampoo in your eye, let me tell you, toothpaste is FAR FAR worse. My eye was stinging all day long.
Now I think I can no longer trust myself with toothpaste. Maybe I will have to have the neighbor keep the tube and we can all go over there twice a day, armed with empty toothbrushes for our twice daily allotment.
Now I am going to have to resort to keeping it in my bathroom and the kids will have to check it out from me.
However, this week my problem with toothpaste was purely my own. It had nothing to do with the kids. Somehow, I still can't quite figure out how, I wound up getting toothpaste in my eye. If you have ever gotten shampoo in your eye, let me tell you, toothpaste is FAR FAR worse. My eye was stinging all day long.
Now I think I can no longer trust myself with toothpaste. Maybe I will have to have the neighbor keep the tube and we can all go over there twice a day, armed with empty toothbrushes for our twice daily allotment.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Catches of Conversation
So, we were driving along in the car when I hear Banana Boy reciting some idioms that he is pondering. He is pretty accurate in his interpretation. We had been out looking at a house that we are hoping to move into and I think all the kids were talking about it, when Banana Boy says, "Well, don't count your chickens before they hatch."
Peanut chimes in, "Yeah! And if a chicken does cross the road, you have to stop!"
Banana Boy counters with, "Nooo, what it means is that you can't count on something until it happens."
Later in the evening, we were watching the 2nd Spiderman movie on TV and my middle son whom I call Pumpkin (although he prefers to be known as Pumpkinhead Pie Face"), blurts out,
"It's not a great idea to fight while you are falling."
My kids amuse me greatly!!
Peanut chimes in, "Yeah! And if a chicken does cross the road, you have to stop!"
Banana Boy counters with, "Nooo, what it means is that you can't count on something until it happens."
Later in the evening, we were watching the 2nd Spiderman movie on TV and my middle son whom I call Pumpkin (although he prefers to be known as Pumpkinhead Pie Face"), blurts out,
"It's not a great idea to fight while you are falling."
My kids amuse me greatly!!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Peanut's First Joke
Peanut says: "Why did the cow eat the sandwich?"
Mom says, "I don't know. Why did the cow eat the sandwich?"
Peanut: "Because he was hungry."
I love kids!
Mom says, "I don't know. Why did the cow eat the sandwich?"
Peanut: "Because he was hungry."
I love kids!
Monday, April 30, 2007
Conversations in the Car
Today did not go the way I had planned it. But it ended in a way I could have never planned and for that very ending, I would not change a thing about my day.
I was commenting to a friend yesterday that I am really enjoying my more regular hours...having time in the evening and having every weekend off. It has done a lot for my own mental health to have more predictable days.
But then along comes Monday. "Monday, Monday, Can't trust that day..."
I began shifting into work-mind as I took my shower and planned an outfit for the day. I said good-bye to the kids and drove to Stillwater to start my work day. The morning went well. I had an appointment and the client has made improvements, so that is alway gratifying. And then I got some paperwork started. Next thing I know it's lunch with a co-worker and then a meeting with my supervisor. From there things started to go off track.
Ordinarily, I work til 4:30 but today, Banana Boy had a doctor appt in Minneapolis and I had to leave at 2:30. I have a client who is on a blood thinner and his medication changes daily sometimes. I called the doctor's nurse and asked her to get back to me by 2pm so I would have time to see my client before leaving for my son's appt. She didn't get back to me until 2:30. And suddenly I have a dilemma..a client who needs his meds, a son who needs this appt because he needs medication too and not enough time to do it all. So, I decided that I would "wing it" and pick up B B and then swing by the client's home after B.B.'s appt. Sounds fairly reasonable.
BUT....
Banana Boy is at school in Brooklyn Park. It takes 40 minutes to get to the school. His doctor is in Minneapolis but that only took us 15 minutes to get to. We finish with the doctor a little after 5pm...then have to wait at the pharmacy for his new med and now we get back on the road at 5:30. What I did NOT factor into my plan was TRAFFIC. So, it took 45 minutes to get over to St. Paul and then it only took me 5 minutes to set up the client's meds and get back on the road...and back through St. Paul and Minneapolis to home in Brooklyn Park at 7:05.
I was feeling very frazzled and upset with the inefficiency of my day and IF things had gone the way I had it laid out in my mind, Banana Boy and I could have been at home by 6pm. Also adding to my FRAZZLED mind was the said traffic, bumper to bumper, side mirror to side mirror as far as I can see. Banana Boy has been chatting happily, playing with my cell phone and making changes (but that is another story for another time). Suddenly, B. B. says to me, "Mom, I sure do like our conversations, when it is just me and you. Don't you?"
So, Purpletulip, s-----l-----o------w down! Listen to this precious child who sees this aggrivating situation as a special time to bond with mom. As they say in the Visa commercials, "Priceless". And it made all the hectic, harried, stress and aggrivation all melt away and I began to listen carefully to what my son had to say and I realized that this conversation in the car was giving me a rare glimpse into the world of my son, who on top of being very bright and full of questions, has a special place in my heart because of his ADHD challenges. Life will not be easy for this boy. He has a voracious appetite for information and an amazing ability to sort through layers of complexity in every day life and then make it jive with his 8 year old brain. And this drizzly afternoon, racing across the Twin Cities and back was something that he took away as being very special.
Realistically, and because I am well aware of my own limitations, I would not want another crazy, inefficient, frustrating day like that again but if it meant that I somehow managed to touch a deep part of one of my children, I would gladly do it again.
I was commenting to a friend yesterday that I am really enjoying my more regular hours...having time in the evening and having every weekend off. It has done a lot for my own mental health to have more predictable days.
But then along comes Monday. "Monday, Monday, Can't trust that day..."
I began shifting into work-mind as I took my shower and planned an outfit for the day. I said good-bye to the kids and drove to Stillwater to start my work day. The morning went well. I had an appointment and the client has made improvements, so that is alway gratifying. And then I got some paperwork started. Next thing I know it's lunch with a co-worker and then a meeting with my supervisor. From there things started to go off track.
Ordinarily, I work til 4:30 but today, Banana Boy had a doctor appt in Minneapolis and I had to leave at 2:30. I have a client who is on a blood thinner and his medication changes daily sometimes. I called the doctor's nurse and asked her to get back to me by 2pm so I would have time to see my client before leaving for my son's appt. She didn't get back to me until 2:30. And suddenly I have a dilemma..a client who needs his meds, a son who needs this appt because he needs medication too and not enough time to do it all. So, I decided that I would "wing it" and pick up B B and then swing by the client's home after B.B.'s appt. Sounds fairly reasonable.
BUT....
Banana Boy is at school in Brooklyn Park. It takes 40 minutes to get to the school. His doctor is in Minneapolis but that only took us 15 minutes to get to. We finish with the doctor a little after 5pm...then have to wait at the pharmacy for his new med and now we get back on the road at 5:30. What I did NOT factor into my plan was TRAFFIC. So, it took 45 minutes to get over to St. Paul and then it only took me 5 minutes to set up the client's meds and get back on the road...and back through St. Paul and Minneapolis to home in Brooklyn Park at 7:05.
I was feeling very frazzled and upset with the inefficiency of my day and IF things had gone the way I had it laid out in my mind, Banana Boy and I could have been at home by 6pm. Also adding to my FRAZZLED mind was the said traffic, bumper to bumper, side mirror to side mirror as far as I can see. Banana Boy has been chatting happily, playing with my cell phone and making changes (but that is another story for another time). Suddenly, B. B. says to me, "Mom, I sure do like our conversations, when it is just me and you. Don't you?"
So, Purpletulip, s-----l-----o------w down! Listen to this precious child who sees this aggrivating situation as a special time to bond with mom. As they say in the Visa commercials, "Priceless". And it made all the hectic, harried, stress and aggrivation all melt away and I began to listen carefully to what my son had to say and I realized that this conversation in the car was giving me a rare glimpse into the world of my son, who on top of being very bright and full of questions, has a special place in my heart because of his ADHD challenges. Life will not be easy for this boy. He has a voracious appetite for information and an amazing ability to sort through layers of complexity in every day life and then make it jive with his 8 year old brain. And this drizzly afternoon, racing across the Twin Cities and back was something that he took away as being very special.
Realistically, and because I am well aware of my own limitations, I would not want another crazy, inefficient, frustrating day like that again but if it meant that I somehow managed to touch a deep part of one of my children, I would gladly do it again.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Wednesday
My Mom and I have this running joke that comes from watching Olympic gymnastics. When the athlete completes the routine and lands on the mat, they do this little footwork, with a flourishing wave and the announcer will say "...And they stuck the landing." Sometimes, that was the only stellar part of the performance. My Mom and my joke began when one of us would have a less than graceful moment and as we tried to regain our composure, we would say, "At least I stuck my landing."
On Wednesday, I was trying to find a building in downtown St. Paul for a monthly meeting. I began my downward spiral that ended with an "ungraceful performance". After I spent 10 minutes driving around the same 4 block radius, looking for 400 Sibley, which IS NOT, by the way, on the block between 3rd and 4th... I parked my car and began to wander aimlessly. I must have grabbed the attention of the hot dog vendor because she asked me what I was trying to find. Probably a slow day for the hot dog business. She suggested I head down toward 3rd. I walked all the way to Kellogg and knew it was not right. At this point, I figured I had two options, call my boss and cry for help or go home, hanging my head in shame, knowing I had been defeated by the city of St. Paul. At that point, I was fine with either option.
However, my boss called me back and I explained my problem and he offered to come down and meet me on the corner to show me where to go. I was close but not close enough. I saw him standing on the corner and began to cross the street. He started talking to me and next thing I know, I lost my footing, and fell down hard on my hands and knees...my right knee in particular.
Not only was my boss an eye witness, and he gave me a hand up, but there were many other people in the area who also so my performance. I did not stick the landing.
But I got a day off. And a visit to the workman's comp doc.Not to mention a HUGE bruise on my knee and a scraped palm. It will be fun watching it change colors over the next week.
On Wednesday, I was trying to find a building in downtown St. Paul for a monthly meeting. I began my downward spiral that ended with an "ungraceful performance". After I spent 10 minutes driving around the same 4 block radius, looking for 400 Sibley, which IS NOT, by the way, on the block between 3rd and 4th... I parked my car and began to wander aimlessly. I must have grabbed the attention of the hot dog vendor because she asked me what I was trying to find. Probably a slow day for the hot dog business. She suggested I head down toward 3rd. I walked all the way to Kellogg and knew it was not right. At this point, I figured I had two options, call my boss and cry for help or go home, hanging my head in shame, knowing I had been defeated by the city of St. Paul. At that point, I was fine with either option.
However, my boss called me back and I explained my problem and he offered to come down and meet me on the corner to show me where to go. I was close but not close enough. I saw him standing on the corner and began to cross the street. He started talking to me and next thing I know, I lost my footing, and fell down hard on my hands and knees...my right knee in particular.
Not only was my boss an eye witness, and he gave me a hand up, but there were many other people in the area who also so my performance. I did not stick the landing.
But I got a day off. And a visit to the workman's comp doc.Not to mention a HUGE bruise on my knee and a scraped palm. It will be fun watching it change colors over the next week.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Don't Blow My Cover
RN. That's me. I worked hard to be able to put that RN behind my name. And in my profession, it does give me certain degree of credibility and clout, if you will. People listen to what I have to say or ask me questions about medical issues, hoping I have the answers. I like that aspect of my job. I feel it is what I was called to do. God gave me a sharp mind and lead me through school and gave me what I needed to in order to put those credentials behind my name.
But when my youngest was sick this weekend and I feared it was strept throat, I had to decide whether or not to blow my cover and display my credentials.
I really did struggle with this. What was my motivation for telling the nurse or the doctor that I was a nurse? Did I want to foster comaraderie and medical professionalism, as we, the mom and medical professional along with the staff, determine the nature of the illness that was plaguing my son and thus decide on the best course of action for his treatmant? Or did I want to wipe away the smug look and the condescending attitude I sensed from the urgent care nurse?
I feared it was the latter. So, I bit my tongue.
The nurse asked about symptoms and I described them: sore throat, fever, no cough, lethargy and irritability. I think I sounded intelligent without sounding like a smarty-pants. But when she asked what his temp had been, I said, "Well, I didn't actually take a temp but I figured it was fairly high...around 102." (Insert the condescending look here. And I imagined the nurse was thinking, "Well, it probably is just a little above normal...and WHY didn't you take his temp?")
A mom knows. She knows her child has a temperature because his face is also extremely flushed, his eyes look glassy and he is miserable. This child also had a febrile seizure a year ago and I am not too inclined to let him spike a temp, so I give him Motrin early on. HA!!!
But I didn't say these things. I kept my cover. And I bit my tongue. But I still struggle with my attitude. Maybe it is pride because I do have these initials that follow my name when I am in my professional realm. In the real world, the line between profession and motherhood is a little blurred. I have knowledge from nursing school but I also have a lot of knowledge about my kids and have always had a good sense when they were sick and needed to go to the doctor. It's expensive to go for every sniffle and I don't go running in for every skinned knee or bumped head. I use my judgement and spend money wisely. However, on occasion, I would like to blow my cover and announce to all who can hear that I am:
But when my youngest was sick this weekend and I feared it was strept throat, I had to decide whether or not to blow my cover and display my credentials.
I really did struggle with this. What was my motivation for telling the nurse or the doctor that I was a nurse? Did I want to foster comaraderie and medical professionalism, as we, the mom and medical professional along with the staff, determine the nature of the illness that was plaguing my son and thus decide on the best course of action for his treatmant? Or did I want to wipe away the smug look and the condescending attitude I sensed from the urgent care nurse?
I feared it was the latter. So, I bit my tongue.
The nurse asked about symptoms and I described them: sore throat, fever, no cough, lethargy and irritability. I think I sounded intelligent without sounding like a smarty-pants. But when she asked what his temp had been, I said, "Well, I didn't actually take a temp but I figured it was fairly high...around 102." (Insert the condescending look here. And I imagined the nurse was thinking, "Well, it probably is just a little above normal...and WHY didn't you take his temp?")
A mom knows. She knows her child has a temperature because his face is also extremely flushed, his eyes look glassy and he is miserable. This child also had a febrile seizure a year ago and I am not too inclined to let him spike a temp, so I give him Motrin early on. HA!!!
But I didn't say these things. I kept my cover. And I bit my tongue. But I still struggle with my attitude. Maybe it is pride because I do have these initials that follow my name when I am in my professional realm. In the real world, the line between profession and motherhood is a little blurred. I have knowledge from nursing school but I also have a lot of knowledge about my kids and have always had a good sense when they were sick and needed to go to the doctor. It's expensive to go for every sniffle and I don't go running in for every skinned knee or bumped head. I use my judgement and spend money wisely. However, on occasion, I would like to blow my cover and announce to all who can hear that I am:
Mom, RN
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Persistance seems to be paying off...
...But don't tell my kids! I fear if they learn that things are working better this week than they have in a long time, then they will know my secret and shall devise new ways to thwart my progress.
Or maybe it is just the eye of the storm and soon, I will be back in the stormy seas. To that I say, "Enjoy the ride while it lasts!"
I prefer to think it is that I have been more persistant and as consistant in my expectations as I can be and now the kids are realizing that they cannot bend the rules without consequences.
A woman at church described it as teaching children that all throughout the Bible there are examples of "Blessings and Curses" and those are tied in to the behavior, attitudes and obedience of the Israelites. When the Israelites followed the laws God had laid down, they were blessed with victory in battle, prosperity and times of peace. But when they began to follow their own rules and neglected their service to the Lord, curses came about like war, loss of peace, property and even the loss of life.
I think that is something I am going to begin talking about with my children. Especially in light of the van window incident and the $240 they need to work off to pay for it. And while the Curse of this incident was the loss of "All things Fun for 1 week" and community service to mom, I want them to see that they can be blessings to others by fulfilling their community service obligation to me. Hence, they cleaned out my van and they cleaned Grandma's house. They also have an increased responsibilty for the daily nitty-gritty household maintenance. I can get a lot of leverage with this event.
I guess that I get some Blessings and Curses out of this too. I have to shell out the cash to the neighbor and sacrifice some of the extra's for the next several weeks. But I can use this time to teach my children some valuable lessons and get some long- neglected things done around the house. Hmmmmm.
Parenting is hard work. Classic understatement. It is probably the toughest job I have ever loved. And I continue to learn almost daily that my job here on earth raising these 4 children is a small reflection of what it may be like for God trying to teach His children, like me.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to do that?"
"When are you going to learn that I know the best way to do this?"
"If you do things the way I have shown you, you will save yourself a lot of time, trouble and agrivation."
"If I have said it once, I have said it a hundred times..."
But I wonder if God looks down on me when I am sleeping, brushes some hair off my face and says, "Child, you are difficult to teach but I love you so much that I will keep doing it for as long as it takes." And then He thinks, "Kids are so cute when they are sleeping."
Or maybe it is just the eye of the storm and soon, I will be back in the stormy seas. To that I say, "Enjoy the ride while it lasts!"
I prefer to think it is that I have been more persistant and as consistant in my expectations as I can be and now the kids are realizing that they cannot bend the rules without consequences.
A woman at church described it as teaching children that all throughout the Bible there are examples of "Blessings and Curses" and those are tied in to the behavior, attitudes and obedience of the Israelites. When the Israelites followed the laws God had laid down, they were blessed with victory in battle, prosperity and times of peace. But when they began to follow their own rules and neglected their service to the Lord, curses came about like war, loss of peace, property and even the loss of life.
I think that is something I am going to begin talking about with my children. Especially in light of the van window incident and the $240 they need to work off to pay for it. And while the Curse of this incident was the loss of "All things Fun for 1 week" and community service to mom, I want them to see that they can be blessings to others by fulfilling their community service obligation to me. Hence, they cleaned out my van and they cleaned Grandma's house. They also have an increased responsibilty for the daily nitty-gritty household maintenance. I can get a lot of leverage with this event.
I guess that I get some Blessings and Curses out of this too. I have to shell out the cash to the neighbor and sacrifice some of the extra's for the next several weeks. But I can use this time to teach my children some valuable lessons and get some long- neglected things done around the house. Hmmmmm.
Parenting is hard work. Classic understatement. It is probably the toughest job I have ever loved. And I continue to learn almost daily that my job here on earth raising these 4 children is a small reflection of what it may be like for God trying to teach His children, like me.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to do that?"
"When are you going to learn that I know the best way to do this?"
"If you do things the way I have shown you, you will save yourself a lot of time, trouble and agrivation."
"If I have said it once, I have said it a hundred times..."
But I wonder if God looks down on me when I am sleeping, brushes some hair off my face and says, "Child, you are difficult to teach but I love you so much that I will keep doing it for as long as it takes." And then He thinks, "Kids are so cute when they are sleeping."
Monday, April 9, 2007
Messes....followed by...More Messes (and Repeat)
Life is messy, so they say. Whoever first said that must have been referring to a life of raising boys. Boys seem to be born louder and more prone to mischeif. My perspective is perhaps a bit one sided being that I am the mom of only 1 girl and 3 boys who are all within 4 years of each other.
My daughter did get into her fair share of stuff but I think the difference is the quantity and the frequency. She may have colored on my lamp and my vacuum with a blue sharpie marker one morning but after being chewed out and having an appropriate consequence, she did not try anything like that for a long period of time and then never the same kind of mischeif. Granted, she drank her fair share of things she shouldn't have like dishsoap and Dimetap but never in the same day...not even in the same year. And she is messy or rather untidy. But even still, it's not the same as what I experienced this past weekend with my little, sweet-faced, blue-eyed blonde-haired cutie-patootie STINKERS.
Over the span of a 3 day weekend, my boys ages 5 3/4 and 4 1/3 years old created the following "Messes Extraordinaire":
1. a roll of trash bags down the hallway, sprinkled with a package of finely shredded cheese.
2. 18 partially opened/consumed cans of pop shook up and sprayed all over the bedroom floor...next to piles of shredded cheese.
3. 2 mattresses flipped off of beds and onto the floor to maximize the jumping.
4. Throwing rocks off a little landing, and thereby, breaking the window of a neighbors van, complete with an interview with a police officer. (Not to mention the cost of replacing the neighbors window)
5. Two separate instances of making "Bathrom Gin" consisting of mixing powdered juice into the sink, various cups, toothbrush holder and plasic containers; spilling all over the bathroom floor and counter. Did I mention TWICE...within 18 hours of each other???
6. Running a roll of toilet paper down the hall.
7. Running up and down the hall with red thread tied around stuffed animals.
8. Climging up into the cupboards and getting snack bags set aside for lunches for the rest of the week and eating all the snack bags of Cheeto's as well as 3 boxes of granola bars.
The list could go on. But quite frankly, the weekend with the exception of a few highly emotional moments, has become a bit of a blur...could be fatigue from the continual vacuuming, cleaning floors, counters, tubs and boys many, many times over.
Yup. Life with boys is messy.
My kids will have to endure the long-term consequences of this weekend of messes. They will have to do "Community Service" for mom in order to pay off the cost of the van window as well as being grounded for the week from "All things Fun". And I, on the other hand, will take my own lessons from this weekend and come up with some projects for the kids to do in order to pay off their debt as well as evaluate some of my own parenting practices and child expectations. I have been reading some things in a book called "What they should learn along the way" and from a website for working moms about the types of chores kids can do according to their age.
My parents are enjoying this moment of payback for all that my sisters and I put them through. I am positive I did not mix "bathtub gin" with Kool-aid nor break any windows. But I am also sure that I did give my parents plenty of headaches. So, they can enjoy this time of watching me parent and get a little payback for my childhood. Someday I will be a grandma and I will do the same. It's only fair.
My daughter did get into her fair share of stuff but I think the difference is the quantity and the frequency. She may have colored on my lamp and my vacuum with a blue sharpie marker one morning but after being chewed out and having an appropriate consequence, she did not try anything like that for a long period of time and then never the same kind of mischeif. Granted, she drank her fair share of things she shouldn't have like dishsoap and Dimetap but never in the same day...not even in the same year. And she is messy or rather untidy. But even still, it's not the same as what I experienced this past weekend with my little, sweet-faced, blue-eyed blonde-haired cutie-patootie STINKERS.
Over the span of a 3 day weekend, my boys ages 5 3/4 and 4 1/3 years old created the following "Messes Extraordinaire":
1. a roll of trash bags down the hallway, sprinkled with a package of finely shredded cheese.
2. 18 partially opened/consumed cans of pop shook up and sprayed all over the bedroom floor...next to piles of shredded cheese.
3. 2 mattresses flipped off of beds and onto the floor to maximize the jumping.
4. Throwing rocks off a little landing, and thereby, breaking the window of a neighbors van, complete with an interview with a police officer. (Not to mention the cost of replacing the neighbors window)
5. Two separate instances of making "Bathrom Gin" consisting of mixing powdered juice into the sink, various cups, toothbrush holder and plasic containers; spilling all over the bathroom floor and counter. Did I mention TWICE...within 18 hours of each other???
6. Running a roll of toilet paper down the hall.
7. Running up and down the hall with red thread tied around stuffed animals.
8. Climging up into the cupboards and getting snack bags set aside for lunches for the rest of the week and eating all the snack bags of Cheeto's as well as 3 boxes of granola bars.
The list could go on. But quite frankly, the weekend with the exception of a few highly emotional moments, has become a bit of a blur...could be fatigue from the continual vacuuming, cleaning floors, counters, tubs and boys many, many times over.
Yup. Life with boys is messy.
My kids will have to endure the long-term consequences of this weekend of messes. They will have to do "Community Service" for mom in order to pay off the cost of the van window as well as being grounded for the week from "All things Fun". And I, on the other hand, will take my own lessons from this weekend and come up with some projects for the kids to do in order to pay off their debt as well as evaluate some of my own parenting practices and child expectations. I have been reading some things in a book called "What they should learn along the way" and from a website for working moms about the types of chores kids can do according to their age.
My parents are enjoying this moment of payback for all that my sisters and I put them through. I am positive I did not mix "bathtub gin" with Kool-aid nor break any windows. But I am also sure that I did give my parents plenty of headaches. So, they can enjoy this time of watching me parent and get a little payback for my childhood. Someday I will be a grandma and I will do the same. It's only fair.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)