Peanut's New Club Status

I asked Peanut this morning if he was going to tell his babysitter about his new found ability with his bike. And he exclaimed, "OH yes! I will tell her that I can ride with out training wheels."

You are now a member of the two wheeler bike club.

"Yup! I am."

And you are a member of the "I don't need training wheels anymore club".

"And also, I don't ride into little girls anymore either...club."

I think the last club is probably the best one! That was his experience last summer. He kind of mowed down a little girl from church and felt so awful about it that he declared he would never ride a two wheeler again.

Wise Mom knew it was a confidence issue and the day would come when the desire to be like his brothers would surpass his fear. That day has come. And we are both so proud.

Wheels

Unfortunately, my mini-van "Jade" has passed from this life and into her next...most likely a scrapyard where perhaps she will be salvaged for parts or usable metal. In the words of Peanut, "But I loved that van...". As my older kids were exploring the wonders of the new van, Princess turned to Peanut and said, "It was a good van but it died and this van is WAY better and in time, you will learn to love this one." I did have to chuckle at that.

Here is, as they say...the rest of the story. I really am in many ways naive and ever the optimist. Even when it comes to automobiles, I hold out for some sort of miracle that leaking hoses will heal themselves long enough to make it to next payday or at least until that rebate check comes. I was so naive or blindly optimistic that I continued to drive my van while it was leaking anti-freeze to the point that the sickly sweet aroma was infiltrating the van's interior and Peanut was holding his nose, and I was listening to a loud "clunk" coming from under the hood...my optimism fading as I thought to myself, "This is not good but maybe I can make it til Monday where I can drop it off on my way to work..."

I continued to be optimistic and drove my leaking, now clunking mini-van that would also stall at the corners...and drove to meet my friend Debbie for dinner. But when I was a mere mile from my exit...I started losing power and hope...and I began pulling off onto the shoulder when Jade completely died. At first, she started up again but wouldn't stay running...so I held onto a glimmer of hope. But then I heard a strange "Pop", and then a "Hiss" and then billows of smoke or steam (I couldn't tell which and I wasn't going to take much time to sort it out) began to pour out from under my hood. I grabbed my purse and my cell phone, checked for traffic and leaped out of the van and walked back away from it in case it was going to blow up.

And I began to dial Debbie's husband to let him know where I was and could he tell Debbie I couldn't make it. He was kind enough to offer to come and get me and I accepted. A stranger did pull off and walk over to me and he heard me on the phone and told me that my car was not in danger of blowing up but I had blown something with the coolant...I assured him I had help on the way and he drove off.

I felt safer, so I hopped in the passenger side to get out of the wind and called my Dad. He too offered to help but I told him Scott was coming for me and if I needed anything, I would call again.

While I sat there, staring out the window, I was frustrated, scared, angry...all sorts of jumbled emotions all hitting me at once. I also felt very stupid and naive. I started to pray and quite honestly said, "Lord, you say we are to praise you in every circumstance but I just can't. I'm not there. I don't know what I can find to be thankful for."

At that moment, it struck me that if I had not had this dinner planned, then the next time I would have been in my van, I would have been heading off to church on Sunday, on this very same stretch of road and would have, no doubt, wound up in this same spot but I would have had my 4 kids with me and they would have been really frightened by all the steam coming out and I would have really started to panic as I would have had to deal with their fear as well as my own.

Ok, Lord. I can praise you for that. And I can praise you for my good friends who are willing to come to my rescue.

Worry began to set in. What was I going to do about a vehicle? How would I get to work? How much was this going to cost? I think at this point, the tears came. But I felt the Lord speak in to my heart and He said, "Scott will lend you his car."

Ohhh that is too much. I wouldn't ask them to do that. Just a ride home is all.


A few minutes later, Scott and Debbie pulled up behind me and we headed up the road to a gas station to figure out what to do. Scott did a lot for me. He got the number of a towing company and called and made arrangements for the tow. And then he dropped Debbie and I off at the restaurant so that we could have our dinner together. As we drove over to Applebee's, Scott and Debbie began talking and Scott says, "You know, I don't think we have anything going on where we need two vehicles. I can drive this to work. We can lend you our other car for a few days while you get yours fixed."

I could have been knocked over with a feather. I don't remember if I said anything or if I just nodded. I was struck dumb, for sure. Because the Lord had told me that this was what He was going to do. How could I refuse? It was a very humbling moment and one I will not forget.

What a blessing! Sunday was an important day at church. It was the annual business meeting and there were some important things on the agenda to vote on. I really wanted to be there. And I was able to go. I also knew I would be able to go to work on Monday.

However, even that plan was out of my hands. Because on Sunday night, I started to itch. And I looked down at my arm and noticed a funny rash. Then I looked at my other arm and it too was covered in the same rash. Come to think of it, I was kind of itchy all over. So I looked at other areas and saw that I had a red lacy rash from head to toe, front to back. My nose was itching and so were my ears. That freaked me out a little. What now??

Since I couldn't figure out what it could be. And I looked all over the web to figure it out. I had already figured out it was not hives. It looked nothing like hives. I was stumped. I went to bed and figured if it didn't go away, then I would go to the doctor.

I woke up at 6 am, my skin was flaming red. I was itching like crazy and nothing was improved. I figured I better not go to work until I figured out what this was. So, I called my boss and went back to bed for a couple more hours.

It turns out that it is Fifth disease. It's more common in children. Go figure. This is not the first time I have caught something that adults typically don't get...I got Foot and Mouth disease when I was 30...That one stumped the doctor, since I don't drool or go around sticking toys in my mouth. But I had the itchy blisters on my hands and feet and all around the inside of my mouth. Lots of fun. Fifth disease in children presents in a "slapped cheek" rash on the face then spreads to the extremities but other than that it is nothing to really worry about. And I read today, that once you have the rash appearing, you are no longer contagious. So, you were probably contagious and didn't know it. I also realized that PH (aka Punkin-Hee 4) has had the "slapped cheek" look going for a few days and also bright red ears. And then Princess was complaining about swelling in her mouth and I looked her over and sure enough, she's got the "slapped cheeks" too.

And if my day was NOT crazy enough, I get home from the doctor and find a note on my garage door saying that BB had thrown up and needed to be picked up ASAP. I also called the garage where my van was to see what the damage was. That is when the mechanic told me the bad news....I had blown the head gaskets and the car will not start...the cost to repair was going to be a minimum of $2600 plus the tow plus some other tests....He offered that if I decided not to keep the van, they would take it and then consider it even as far as the tow and charges I had already accrued were concerned. I tried not to cry on the phone but it was hard and I told him I needed to think things over. He was very nice and told me to take my time.

I called My Hero, My Dad and pretty soon, I was looking at vehicles on the internet. I had BB home but he seemed to have perked up and was hungry. (I wonder if he just got a little car sick...it's happened a few times before). So I decided that I could go and look, talk to someone about financing...see if it would work for me....

I pretty much new that the van was not really going to be worth the $2600 and that it meant that I was turning a very expensive corner with this vehicle...things were going to just keep breaking down. It was time to let it go.

BB and I began looking at minivans and met with a very nice salesman named Neil. I had been doing some research a few weeks ago on car sales, so I was feeling pretty comfortable with how things work at the dealer. I also knew what I could afford and I figured that if I was upfront with what I could do, then I would be in a better position to get what I wanted and not be sucked into something that was more than I could afford.

To make a long story short, BB and I drove off the lot a few hours later in our new van...a 2005 Black Dodge Grand Caravan. BB approves of the dual sliding doors with the buttons that open the doors automatically. He also likes the stow-and-go seating and was planning how we could arrange the seating when we go camping. He wanted to show his sister and brothers how everything worked. He was so proud. He could also rattle off the sticker price and what my monthly payment is going to be as well as how much I put down. Hopefully, he won't go blabbing that around to everyone! In a way, he feels that he has bought this van as much as I have. I am glad he had the chance to go through that experience with me. He really had a good time and was good company to have.

I'm still itching like crazy and when I am out in the sun, my cheeks flare up and I look like I have been slapped. But I'm driving a beautiful new van. I said my good-byes to Jade today when I dropped off the title and cleaned out the stuff we had inside.

And in other news related to Wheels...Peanut can ride a two wheeler! He hopped on this little bike we have that has no training wheels and took off....he wiped out at the end of the driveway but I was saying over and over, "Honey...you did it! You did it!! You rode it!"

He was so proud, he announced the next door neighbor that he can now ride a two wheeler and does not need training wheels any more. He was so excited to biking with his brothers. I of course, took some pictures. BB tried to steal Peanut's thunder by showing me some of his bike tricks. But it was still a happy moment. All in all, it was a really fine day. Praise God.

Tween Drama

I think that my family is all going through an awkward transition right now. I am having a hard time dealing with the facts that my youngest baby is going to go to Kindergarten. He will never be completely "mine" again. The tug-o-war between school and home will begin. It's normal. It's life. But it is hard to let go. It sounds so cliche but it is absolutely true that he was just a baby yesterday and then I blinked and he is now 5 years old.

And my daughter is 11 and beginning to go through changes that show me that adolescence is much closer to us then I would like it to be. Take last night for example. BB put his foot in his mouth. It's nothing new. He does it a lot. It's a battle he is always going to fight..."Foot in mouth" disease(I think it's hereditary. I seem to suffer from the same disease). He said to all of us at dinner, "I liked Princess better before she was a teenager."

You can imagine the next event. Princess buried her head in her elbow and began to sob.

BB, that was very unkind and hurtful. I don't think you meant it to come out like that. You need to apologize to your sister.

Then I turned to Princess,
Sweetie, I like you just the way you are and I know it's hard to be growing up. I think maybe BB is a little jealous because there are things you will get to do that he won't get to do for a while yet... I'm sorry that he hurt your feelings.

She looked up at me, tears in her eyes, "He didn't hurt my feelings by what he said. I just feel like my life is going by so fast."

Me too, honey, me too.

An Interesting Encounter

A couple weeks ago, I took my kids out to eat at Arby's after church. BB was not happy with my choice of restaurant and proceeded to pout in the car and then refused to exit the van when we got to the restaurant. So, I told him that he was welcome to join us inside but I would not be spending any more time trying to convince him to join us. I walked in and did not look back until I was sure he could not see me. When I did look back, I saw him slowly slinking out of the van.

He then continued to pout and grump. I asked him if he wanted food. He just made a grunt.

You will have to speak English. I don't understand grunting. Do you want a meal or just a drink.

Grunt...."a drink."

So I ordered and then BB draped himself across the counter by the soda fountain. I leaned in and whispered in his ear,

Get your drink or get out of the way. You are being rude to the other customers.

He continued to drape himself and refused to get his drink. So I grabbed his cup and carried it over to our table, while grabbing his elbow and leading him away from the drinking fountain. He continued to stand in his affected, hostile posture, refusing to join us at our sunny, cheerful table. So I ignored him, determined to enjoy the meal with the other children. He eventually, sat down at another table behind us and laid his head down, continuing his pouting and dagger-eye glaring at me and his siblings.

At this point, an elderly gentleman came over and said, "Ma'am, I know I am just being nosy but your son over there, is he sick or just angry?"

Oh...he's angry.

"Well, he can certainly hold a grudge." And he then walked quietly back to his table. I was feeling a little embarrassed by this but I tried to stuff that down and continue with my meal. I know my son, and I know what works and I knew that eventually, BB would calm down and would either join us or not but he would not spoil lunch for the rest of us.

What I do know about my ADHD kid is that he will do these little Power Play's when he doesn't get his way. And having tried many different approaches, a lot of trial and error, I have learned that ignoring his silent tantrums is the best method. So I was willing to ride it out. It does not work to yell at him or chew him out or do anything that brings a lot of attention to him. I gently and softly remind him of what I expect of him and then I carry on. He often loses out on some fun when he chooses to pout but that's ok. The lessons he learns will last longer than 30 minutes of pleasant dining or a Happy Meal toy. I have also learned that he will usually come around in about 10 to 15 minutes because he cannot stand to be out of fellowship and harmony with me any longer than that.

And sure enough. About 15 minutes after we sat down to eat, he slid over next to me and mumbled something.

Speak up and speak clearly, BB. I don't understand you when you mumble.

"Can I have some lunch?"

Sure.

A few minutes later, the elderly man and his wife were getting up to leave and this time the wife came over. She said to me, "Your children are beautiful. I had 6 children. You are doing a fine job with them. They are very sweet."

I'm glad I didn't follow my gut and assume that earlier the gentleman was making a judgement of me. I wonder if he and his wife were sitting over their lunch remembering a time when their 6 children were young. Perhaps they had a son like my BB who could "really hold a grudge". I appreciated the wife coming over to make a comment and to validate me for what I am trying to do with my children.

We left Arby's with all 4 children chatting happily, with full bellies. I felt like I had made some sort of connection across the generations. It was a good reminder to me that these days with my kids will go by quickly. But the impact will last a lifetime.

Reguarding Tiger's Impending Motherhood....

My sister makes me laugh often so I thought I would share this quote from her email:

"I’m not sure if I should send condolences or congratulations on Tiger’s impending kittens. Either way, I demand pictures."

I am getting a kernel of an idea for scrapbook for Tiger and her babies. That could be quite fun. She is doing some funny things now, that she has not done before. For one thing, she is even more affectionate than she usually is. Today she was stretching out on her belly with her legs splayed out to the sides. She is also eating like a horse...albeit a small horse that weighs only 7 lbs but for her, she is eating a lot.

My kids are pretty excited about having baby cats around. We are going to check out some books at the library about taking care of kittens. My daughter is very protective of the little Momma and will chide her brothers about how to carry Tiger or what not to do with Tiger. It's really quite cute to see her doing this kind of mothering. And I think it is quite appropriate for her to act in this motherly way. It's good practice.

I discussed with Princess today that when she is 12, she can begin babysitting her brothers for longer periods of time and possibly even babysit other kids at church during Bible study. She is kind of excited about the idea. She got a chance to practice a little tonight when I had a short meeting to go to that was not very far away. So, I explained what it meant when Princess was in charge and what I was looking for.

The woman I was meeting with, who also has 4 children but she is further along in that a couple of her children are teenagers, had a great idea for an incentive. She said that she would pay her oldest daughter a small amount to babysit her siblings and then if the parents did not get any phone calls or reports about misbehavior (to which I interpret to mean...The house is still standing and there is food left in the fridge...) then they would also give the other kids $0.50 each. I think this is absolutely brilliant.

I have some time yet to prepare my daughter for this next step in growing up. And I have some time to get my head around the fact that I have a child who is almost old enough to babysit. Somehow, I think it will take me longer to get used to the idea than it will to get her prepared. I am going to look into a babysitting class for her and we will do some short practices like I did tonight.

(I was gone a little over an hour and the house was still standing but the boys had eaten a whole package of six applesauce cups and Peanut had made some sort of concoction with my tea mix and ketchup...ewww. No one was fighting or bleeding. I will count it a success. )

One Shoe on the Side of the Road...Mystery Solved

While at the vet on Friday, I was writing out the check and Princess was getting her clawed up hand tended by a tech, another tech came out and said, "Do you want to know what your boys are doing outside?"

There is nothing good that can come after that sentence. I knew she would not be saying "They are sitting pleasantly in the car, buckled and ready to go. It's amazing. How do you get them to do that?" or "They just helped a little old lady across the street" or "They just saved a puppy from being swept down the storm drain." I knew she was not going to say anything that was going to make my mother's heart swell with pride.

I looked her in the eye and said, "I think I already know it's nothing good. Thank you." And we promptly left the building. My heart began to race in anticipation at what sort of mayhem 3 boys could have possibly created in 5 short minutes.

The first thing I noted was that none of them was in the van, as per my instructions. And none of them were wearing shoes. With a sense of impending doom, I opened my mouth to ask a question I really didn't want the answer to, "What are you doing out here?"

PH: "We were kicking our shoes off, to see how far they could go...and one of my shoes landed on this guy's truck...And he drove away."

So, where is your shoe?

PH: It's still on the roof of his truck.

Get in the car now. Which way did he go? And you may want to start praying that your shoe has fallen off the roof of his car soon, so that we can pick it up.

The boys found this to be absolutely hilarious. I watched closely along the road to see if I could see one small black tennis shoe. But to no avail. A lecture ensued about how much this was a real inconvenience to me because it meant that we would now have to go and get him another pair of shoes and these shoes were less than 2 weeks old, so I am really, really unhappy about having to buy another pair for a reason this stupid.

We were driving along the freeway and BB says, "I think I see his shoe...oops, you drove over it." And laughter erupts from the back row of the peanut gallery.

Smart boys would know that right now would NOT be a good time to bring this up, nor would they be laughing about it right now. There is nothing funny about this. And PH, you will be working off the cost of these shoes.

I tried to find the ugliest pair of shoes I could find. Every pair of shoes I found, for a price I was willing to pay, PH thought were "So Cool". Hopefully, when he is working off the $13 for his shoes, he will think a little harder about taking care of his shoes. I'm not holding my breath.

It didn't help my sore feelings too much when I told my parents the story and my Dad covered his mouth and his chest started shaking, as he tried to suppress his laughter. This is one of those stories for the "It will be funny someday" category. I think I will take a picture of PH's lonely shoe before I throw it away and put it in the scrapbook I plan to make called "The Naughty Book" which will include these little tales of mischief and mayhem that I will embarrass my children with later...like when they bring home a prospective mate. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Bundles of Joy...and Fur

We took our cat, Tiger, to the vet on Friday. What a fun family adventure that was (note the hint of sarcasm). There was a lot of claws, fur and blood flying. It was not a pleasant experience and I have decided that it will be worth the investment to purchase a cat carrier. My daughter has most of the wounds from Tiger's nervous scratching. I mostly got bit because I got the job of holding her while she was given her immunizations and she let me know, with her teeth, that SHE was not happy with that.

We were also there to discuss getting her spayed and declawed. But I needed to ask the vet to check for possible pregnancy. She has gone into heat once about a month ago and there was a male cat hanging out while Tiger was repeatedly making frantic dashes out the door. We were not always successful at keeping her quarantined during this time. So, I suspected she may be "with kitten".

The vet leaned over close to my ear and said, "Her uterus is a little swollen. How do you feel about that?" I told him I'm not entirely happy about it but we will deal with it. Then he said, "Well, if you want to, we can take care of it."

I was kind of stunned. He was proposing to do an abortion with my cat. I just smiled at him and didn't get "political" and said, "No, we will let nature take it's course. I think this will be a good experience for my kids. It's something all kids should get the chance to see at least once. We're ok." He then also told me that if we have trouble finding homes for the kittens they can take care of that too with a charge for "disposal".

I found this to be a little bothersome. I don't intend to get real political because I am talking about a cat. However, when it comes to my children, particularly my daughter, I know that I am very accountable to her for the decisions I make in regards to the life of our pet. And this is an opportunity to demonstrate in a small way what the sanctity of life means. I am not a person who puts animals above people. However, I do believe that as a Christian, I have a duty to be a good steward of the earth and it's inhabitants so I need to care about issues pertaining to other creatures. I find that I would not be able to live with myself if I were to kill unborn kittens because they were an inconvenience to me for a few months and yet tell my children that it is my belief that it is wrong to kill unborn human babies.

There is a lot of room here for talk about natural consequences. I talked to the kids about how important it was to keep Tiger indoors when she was in heat, granted she made it very challenging, but because we were not successful, she got herself "knocked up" so the natural consequence of that is that we will have a pregnant cat to take care of and then a litter of kittens to care for and find homes for.

On a lighter note, when I was sharing the news of the maternity of my cat with my co-workers, who are all social workers, we made some jokes about whether or not the father-to-be was going to step up to the plate and take care of his children or whether I would have to pursue him for kitten-support. (We folks in social services often have dark humor. It's how we cope with some really tough, icky issues. )

Whistling

Peanut's new skills this week include zipping his own jacket and whistling. Both have me significantly impressed and blown away by how much he has grown up. But I do choke back a sob now and then because reality is setting in...my baby is growing up...my baby is ready for kindergarten...my baby is not such a baby any more. What happened? Where did the time go?

His whistling is pretty cute. It started when I heard him trying to whistle so I told him that he has to tighten his lips and blow. He scrunched up his little mouth and sucked some air in and made a sound. His eyes grew big as dinner plates and he exclaimed, "MOM! I did it!"

Then I told him that he needs to wiggle his tongue a little to make different notes. I can't describe it adequately and I wish I had it on video. He tried to blow out his pursed lips while wiggling his tongue back and forth. It was hilarious. I told him he should just keep practicing and he will get the hang of it.

He took me at my word and he has been practicing. All the time. In the car while driving home from daycare. At the dinner table. While going to the bathroom. When he is supposed to be going to sleep. This is met with an irritated, "Peanut!! Stop whistling. I'm trying to sleep." And since the boys are currently sleeping on the floor, there may be a kick in the head followed by some tears and then some angry words, but that is a whole other story.

This morning, he excited told me that he can whistle "two sounds" a high sound and a low sound. And while we were driving, he hung his head out the window and tried to call a bird over. He believes a bird actually heard him and was on the way to him, perhaps to perch on his outstretched hand when two guys on motorcycles pulled up and then when he said hi to them, they gunned their engines to show off and the bird flew away. He can tell a pretty convincing little story. But I don't think his amateur whistling is quite up to the level of bird calling just yet. But he has reached the level of "How to annoy your brother in under 3 seconds".

Next up on the preschool skills agenda, shoe tying.

Sorry about Whining

I went to a funeral today. I did not know the man but I know his son and daughter-in-law. I went to support my friends. It was a strange thing for me to decide to go to a funeral of a person I didn't know. I just knew that I needed to be there. When I walked in, my friend Debbie, broke out into a huge smile and and said, "Wow. I can't believe you're here, but I'm so glad." She even wanted to claim me as her sister so I could come up and sit with them in the front pew. I was really touched by that.

I cried through the whole funeral. It was really beautiful. Debbie's husband spoke about his Dad and I was so proud of him. And I could hear the love and the deep respect he had for his father just came through. What is perhaps the most interesting to me is the knowledge that this was not my friend's biological father but his step-father. But clearly, God orchestrated the marriage between these two people and joined two families together. It really made me think.

My heart aches so much sometimes for the father my children have lost and the father that he never was when he was in their lives. BB seems to be the most affected, perhaps it shows up more in his behaviors but I think the loss of a father or in the case of Peanut, never knowing your father, can not help but be missed and felt in so many ways. I struggle with parenting these 4 children alone and the responsibility for their welfare and how they develop as people weighs heavily on me. I feel like Atlas, carrying the whole world on my back. It is not fair.

I'm not trying to sound whiny again or have a little "poor me" pity party. There are things in this life that are simply injustices. What happened to me and to my children with their father was first and foremost, sin and secondly, it was an injustice. However, God did not leave me alone to handle it by myself. He has been with me through the whole thing. He also has supplied me with gifts and abilities that I did not know I had until I had to use them. He has given my children and myself a resiliency that we would not have developed otherwise. We have learned to roll with the punches and endure some really tough stuff without becoming bitter about it.

I decided early on that there were certain things I was just going to have to "suck up and deal with". I could whine and moan about how unfair it was and I could shake my fist toward heaven in anger at the injustice. I could even hate my husband for the pain and suffering he caused us. But would that really get me anywhere? Would that be a good example for my children? Would it give me a life worth living? Would it bring glory and honor to God?

God, I believe, seeks to bring glory and honor to himself through all circumstances and sometimes the harder the circumstances, the more evident His glory. And the tougher the situation to deal with, the stronger the person becomes. I think I have become a stronger person. Looking over the events of the past few months in my break-up with New York, I can not help but realize that I was able to see the abusive pattern starting. I was able to recognize that there was something unhealthy going on and it was not going to go away. And I was able to work through the fear of being alone, the sorrow at letting go of my hopes and dreams of a marriage and rebuilding a family, and break free. And I realized that being alone is nothing to fear because I am not really alone, not when I have Christ with me. Not when I can rest in the knowledge that He has something better planned for me but I have to be willing to let go of my plans and let Him do what He plans to do.

That is what I have felt Him pressing onto my heart tonight. I have felt such an ache of loneliness today and such a deep sadness. It's been difficult to deal with. I have been tempted to jump ahead and do some things that I know are not right for me right now, that are rushing ahead. I feel the Lord telling me to S-L-O-W down and let Him do the moving. And I know that He is asking me, "Tulip, do you love me? Do you trust me? Then let it go."

It's just hard. I hate waiting. I'm not very patient. But I have learned that I am tougher than I have ever thought. And God is a big God and He is bigger than my impatience.

So, Lord, I'm laying my impatience at your feet. I'm laying my loneliness and sorrow at your feet as well. I love you so very much. You take such good care of me. I trust you with my life and everything in it. Help me to let it go and put everything into your capable hands. Amen.

Can we have some manners, Please??

I find myself on the short end of the "Irritation stick" today. It's been a long day. I had all these little errands to run after work which encroaches upon the precious few hours of evening I get with the kids. But they had to be done. The garage called to tell me that they had the part to finish the repair on my car from yesterday. Important to get that fixed today. It took 30 minutes, most of it was waiting. Then I had to run home and get my taxes to mail because I forgot to bring it with me and mail it this morning. Also, mucho importante. That took another 10 minutes.

Then when I walk in the door, I look around and my kids are laying about on the couch watching cartoons. It looks like a tornado blew through or perhaps it was the gale force winds from outdoors...if they had opened every window, the front door and the garage door for several minutes. And today was not a good day to come home to this mess. There were banana peels every where but in the garbage; on the end table (breaking the "No food in the living room" rule), on the dining room table (breaking the "clean up after you eat" rule), on top of the garbage can (come on!!! It's right there! Throw it in for Pete's sake!), and then on top of the fridge (that one sent me over the edge...it was just too much to handle).

Mean Mommy leaped out of her shell: You will go around and pick up every piece of trash you see and you WILL put it in the trash can. You will pick up all the toys and put them away. I have only a few hours with you in the evening to spend with you and to relax and I would rather spend them happy instead of ANGRY...I'll be in my room for a few minutes and I expect this done when I come down to start supper.

Then I begin to wash dishes and start dinner. One little angel says, "What are we having?"

"Cheeseburger Macaroni"

"I hate that..."

Mean Mommy is out again: Sit down and eat the food in front of you and NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE will complain. Do I make myself clear? Do you think I cook food so that you won't eat it? Do you think I spend my day wondering what I can do for dinner that will be torture for you or what I can make that will be enjoyed by the garbage disposal? It's a waste of my time and a waste of hard-earned money.

Then Peanut, who had gone to the refrigerator and pulled out a glass of milk from earlier. So, I didn't pour him one. Then he began to complain that it tasted funny. Another hot button. And it just kept going....PH gets up during dinner and used the bathroom that is just off the kitchen and doesn't bother to close the door. Then he doesn't flush.

Children, where are your manners? You have done little else but grumble and complain about the food I provide for you. You are being disrespectful and disobedient by not following the rules about food and snacks. You eat things that I buy for other meals and then complain about the meals I have left to make. You make gross noises at the table, you don't flush or wash your hands and then you have the nerve to ask for dessert and I know that you will ask me for a snack in a while. You will sit at the table until you have eaten your dinner to the point where I feel you have made a satisfactory attempt. Have I made myself clear?

I can't figure it out. My work day was not that hard or demanding. I do feel very tired and run down. Are they reflecting my attitudinal vibrations back to me or am I picking up on their bad attitude vibrations? Either way, it was circular and I can't for the life of me figure out what started it. Maybe it isn't important. It was not a good evening. It was frustrating and exhausting. I think it is time for me to go to bed, spend some time praying and start again tomorrow. Hopefully, we will all wake up on the right side of the bed.

The $200 Oil Change

For the past few months, my oil light has been going on and I have been adding a quart of oil and then just continuing on. Today, I figured I really ought to get an oil change and then I found a coupon that came in the mail in which I could get $15 off an oil change and I figured if I stood my ground and would not be swayed to all of their gimmicks of "you need this and this and this" then I would spend only about $10.

HA!

First these girls tell me that I have a leak in my engine block...that would explain why my oil light has been going on so often when it has not ever done this before, so I was persuaded to upgrade to the oil that would fill in and stop up the leaks. I sort of knew that I had been hooked a little there but I was ok because I wasn't blind. They did show me the air filter and it was black, so it did need to be changed. I really have not been good about keeping up on these little maintenance things.

The shock came when they told me that not only was my serpentine belt cracking, which I was aware of but didn't have the money to fix back in February when it came to my attention, but there were chunks of rubber missing and this meant that it could go at any time and I would be stranded.

So, I said they could replace the belt. Except it turns out that my mini-van has 2 serpentine belts at $90 a pop. Ouch. Even with the coupon the shop manager handed me, to have me hand back, and get another $30 off... To make things even worse, the shop didn't have the right belt for my van so someone had to run to the auto parts store and get the right belt. "It will take 20 minutes tops, when she gets back." Famous last words.

Two and half hours later...

In order for the mechanic to get at the second belt, he needed to get around the alternator. However, the alternator has never been changed so it was tight. He had to use every tool he had. I did have to laugh when he said, "I'll be right back. I'm going to find the rubber mallet. But don't worry, I'm not going to break anything." Once he got the alternator out, then this tension bolt broke and it turns out that no auto part stores carry these bolts and the Ford dealership in town is out of business, not to mention it is now way past 7 pm. So, now there are two mechanics working on my car, trying to get this belt on and put some sort of temporary tie down in until they can either order a part or go to a junk yard and find a part.

I really was not mad about how long it took. I was getting cold and Peanut was getting restless but overall, he was just plain cute and kind of fun to hang out with. I was a little worried about my other children who were waiting at home. I finally got a hold of them and there was a little fear in their voice but they relaxed when I explained what happened and that I would be bringing Taco John's (particularly Potato Ole's) home.

But my heart did skip a beat when they brought me my bill. So much for the $10 oil change. However, the belts did need to be changed. I saw them myself and they were really, really bad. So, for the sake of safety, I am glad but my checkbook is still wincing in pain.

Unpacking Firebugs

Once again, I have been blessed by the kindness of a friend. A different friend from yesterday, came over today to help me do some unpacking and organizing. She worked with my daughter, organizing her side of the room. What a difference! We lugged almost all the boxes that have been sitting in the living room, taking up the coveted spots on the couches and spoiling the view of the fireplace. I actually do have a floor and it's lovely!

We must have emptied about 20 various containers. Maybe more. It felt so good, I started to vacuum but then I ran over something and burned the belt. Bummer.

It's been a good day. Except when I started to smell that sulfurous smell of burning matches. OH NO! I gave the boys the job of hauling the empty boxes to the garage and I forgot that one of them had some little boxes of matches and a full container of lighter fluid. My stomach sank to my knees. I ran down the stairs yelling, "Why do I smell burning matches?"

"It's Peanut and PH...not me!!" pipes in the usual suspect, BB.

Today's lecture topic: Playing with Fire: what NOT to do when you find matches.

You may not light matches because you find them.
You may not watch someone else light them because you think YOU won't get in trouble for it.
If someone else is doing something STUPID (and I do not use that word lightly, and in this case, it is OK for Mommy to say the word STUPID, now be quiet and listen carefully), do not walk, RUN to Mom.
I will now take questions from the floor.

PH: If someone lights a match, can I blow it out first and then run to get you?

Yes, you can do that.

Peanut: When I lighted the match, I burnted my finger. But I didn't start the kitchen on fire.

That is true. You didn't light the kitchen on fire. But that doesn't mean an accident won't happen the next time. Fires are dangerous. Matches are dangerous. You have to be much older to use matches.

Peanut: But I'm getting bigger. I will be grown up soon and then I can use matches.

You can't use matches until you are 35. End of story. There will be no further questions at this time. Thank you for your attention. We were lucky this time.

What I have learned this week

I talked to a friend today whose family is facing the death of a loved one, her father-in-law and the grandfather of her children. My heart is breaking for them because it is hard to be in the waiting time and I know from experience, it is difficult knowing just exactly how to talk to your kids about death. But what I know of my friends, I know that they are handling things well and in a very eternally-minded manner.

What amazed me was her loving spirit. I called her to offer to her my support of her and her family and to offer to her anything she and her family might need and instead she ministered to me and told me how much she has been thinking of me and what I am going through this week. She told me that she was not sure if she should even burden me with her circumstances, in light of mine. I found that rather ironic and also very humble on her part. She could not believe that I would even offer anything to her in light of my situation. What I told her is that sometimes, even when a person is going through a hard time, there is nothing better than to serve others.

After I described my situation with my ex-fiance and the mess with the rental house, the clean-up and his threats against me to sue me and so forth, she said that she has been wondering why I have had to go through so many things that seem to have a similar theme. I have gone through a series of difficult relationships. One of which was an abusive marriage, both spousal abuse as well as the sexual abuse of one of my children at the hands of my husband. And here I am going through another abusive relationship. She told me that maybe I'm being tested like Job.


It's an interesting thought. I hadn't considered it. I hope that I would be found to have the same faith as Job and would continue to praise the Lord should I lose my health, my family and everything I owned. I just figured I was not very careful or cautious or perhaps so desperate to be in a relationship that I didn't see the warnings until it was too late. The good news for me, is that I can be taught! Because I did eventually see the signs for what they were and I did end things. The break up was worse (almost) than any I have experienced before. It's been down right ugly as well as painful. Maybe there is a test element to it. Regardless, I believe there is a purpose and a plan. And God will use this circumstance for His Glory.



What I have learned:

1. Don't rush into any relationship.

2. Internet dating is not for me.

3. Let God do the leading.

4. Money and dating should never, ever mix.

5. Trust the instincts of my family...they have good insight and often see things before I do.

6. Pay attention to warning signs.

7. Pray, pray, pray.

8. Good things are worth waiting for.

9. If I am to marry again, the Lord will bring us together.

10. My Mom and my Grandmother are really, really wise women. I need to listen to them far more carefully then I do.

11. I have been incredibly blessed by beautiful sisters, incredible parents and other supportive family and I have really awesome friends.

12. God takes care of me in so many ways and continues to shower me with more blessings than I feel I deserve. But I am grateful.

13. I love my Lord more and more every day.

14. I love to sing and worship the Lord while driving to work and sometimes that is the best times I have to pray and spend time with my Father.

Being Strong

I had a really good talk with my daughter yesterday. I took an opportunity to teach her something from my own life. I'm in the midst of a really bad break-up and it is a case of domestic abuse because I am being threatened, intimidated and bullied in an attempt to be coerced and forced into doing things I don't agree with and don't want to do by a person that I once loved and was ready to marry, or thought I was ready to marry.

At first, I was feeling very intimidated and scared. I felt backed into a corner. I have been in this position before and I can recognize what is happening. I don't know if I am real good at handling it. But I didn't go in alone. I prayed before I faced him and I took my Dad. Immediately, he began to bully me and I just shut my mouth. I was more afraid that I would open my mouth and get myself into more trouble because I would say something I would regret (an unbridled tongue) because I could feel the anger rising and the feelings of hurt, betrayal and a mixture of my own shame and embarrassment for getting myself into this predicament. For me, that is a deadly mix and I have been known to say stupid things that make matters worse. So, I let my Dad do the talking. I did speak up now and then, when I felt I had the right words and the right amount of control.

Moving ahead, I had to finish up one final task and then call him one last time. He started to badger me about more things he wanted me to do and began to threaten me. So, I mentally, hiked up my boots, stood my ground and said, "No. I'm not going to do that. I have done enough. I'm finished." And I hung up the phone.

It was this particular moment that I wanted to discuss with my daughter. I wanted to cement it in her mind that it is ok for her to stand up for herself and to say No. She does not need to allow someone to push her around because they seem bigger or stronger or just plain talk louder than her.

She got it. She said, "Mom, you were strong when you told him you were done and then you hung up the phone." I told her, "Honey, you are right. I was strong. It was hard and I was kind of scared but I had to do it because it isn't right that he threatens me and does and says things to hurt me. I will do what I have to do to keep myself and you guys safe."

Then we talked for a while about anger and arguments and the difference between constructive arguments and destructive arguments. The difference is the what's inside your heart and what you want the outcome to be. Are you trying to be right and make the other person feel bad and you to feel powerful? Or do you see things differently but you want to understand the other person and grow closer together, but maybe you don't see things the same way? One way will build the relationship, the other will tear it down.

This part of parenting is very cool.

Bad Words

There was a time in my life when I knew every bad word and said them frequently. It started in junior high when I was tired of being a "goody goody girl". One day, I just decided to let the F-bomb fly. Suddenly, I was transformed (I thought) from the "good girl" into something not-quite-as-good-but-not-really-a-bad-girl. I could curse like a sailor.

By the time I was a senior in high school, this really began to bother me. It was around this time, that the Lord was tugging on my heart and drawing me to Him. He was cleaning house, so to speak. I wanted to quit swearing. I tried everything. I told my friends to hit me when I cursed. I tried the old rubber band around the wrist trick, in which I would whap myself every time I let a bad word fly. I still kept swearing and had red welts on my wrists and sore shoulders from my friends punching me in the arm. (I swore a lot).

When I finally had a real spiritual show-down in which I surrendered everything to the Lord and let Him come in completely, I abruptly stopped swearing. In fact, those bad words started to burn in my ears. I couldn't stand to hear them, let alone say them. It was the most noticeable thing at that point of conversion. At least in my opinion. I think my attitude began to change too but it was a little slower. I was still a little mouthy with my parents and determined to go my own way but by the time I headed off to college, I suddenly was so ashamed at my behavior just months before that I apologized to my Mom. She accepted with tears in her eyes.

So why am I talking about this now? Well, last week, Peanut said the "SH--" word as we were walking in to McDonald's. I wanted to have the earth open up and swallow me right then and there. I could not believe it. To make matters worse, there was another patron coming in behind me. I didn't even dare look at him. I marched over to Peanut and grabbed his chin and said, "That was a very bad word and we DO NOT EVER say that. Do you hear me?"

He sadly nodded. And then I heard Pumpkin He 4 giving a recap of Peanut's outburst. And worst, yet, laughing about it. My cheeks burned with shame, embarrassment and anger. It was time to have a BIG talk with all my kids.

Peanut informed me, as he is the family "reporter" (a nice way of saying Tattle Tale) that he learned that bad word from PH, who heard it at school and from BB who also was over heard telling him about S-X...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

On Moving Day, I was in a very emotional spot. I was doing my best to hold it together but it was tenuous at best. I mentioned before that my friends were doing a good job of making me laugh. But every once in a while, things would slip out of my mouth that betrayed the inner turmoil and the simmering anger and fear that was just below the surface (I was worried that my ex-fiancee was going to show up while we were packing up and I was angry that he had not told me he was coming until the night before as he was boarding the plane. I hadn't talked to him in a month and the last time he spoke to me, he called me a back-stabber and all sorts of other nasty things, as well as being threatening and intimidating...hence my jittery emotional state).

At one point, I said the word "Crap" and immediately felt convicted and kind of slapped myself across the mouth. The guys kind of joked it off but my daughter was coming down the stairs and said, "That is a bad word and we don't say that in our house." Ouch. But she is internalizing my lesson.

Those bad words are floating around on the surface of my tongue again. I am angry with the previously mentioned person. My hackles are raised because he continues to threaten and intimidate me. However, the Bible says, "In your anger, do not sin." I'm trying to teach that to my children... It's ok to be angry, or sad, or happy....God gave us a full range of emotions and they all serve a purpose but we have to learn that emotions are symptoms of what is going inside, like a warning. Anger is telling us that there may be danger present and we need to be alert. But when that anger is used wrongly, to lash out at someone, to call them a bad name, to swear or curse at them, that is sin and that is not ok.

Our tongues are mighty and powerful. We have the ability to bestow blessings or curses. I guess that is why we have so many expressions about the tongue like: "Bite your tongue", "Hold your tongue", "Watch your tongue"... Even the book of James spends a great deal of time warning us about the dangers of the unbridled tongue. It isn't easy. And today, I'm feeling angry and threatened and my tongue is fighting to lash out and be just as nasty in return. I'm praying that the Lord will help me to Hold my Tongue and turn my anger over to Him and use it as it is meant to be use, a warning of danger. Wisdom is learning that there are times when it is far better to be quiet. I'm praying for wisdom.

Talking to Myself

I doubt I am the only person who talks to herself. I don't do it when others are around, or when I think I will be heard. Sometimes it's a pep talk. Sometimes I'm correcting myself. Sometimes I'm teasing myself. I think it is just taking the internal monologue I have and verbalizing it.

Today, I am alone for a few hours. The school kids are at school, after the bus driver and I had to discuss that yes, my kids are supposed to get on the bus today and I did make arrangements with the school for a pick up AND a drop off this afternoon. Peanut, reluctantly, went to daycare. He always claims he hates it there but then comes home chipper and happy. I told him today would be a short day. He figured he would skip nap time. Me on the other hand is praying he gets a nap. I'm tired of Mr. Crabby-pants who refuses to nap for me anymore and I bow at the feet of Sue who can get him to take an hour and half nap every day with NO problems and states he is the "best napper". My theory is she spikes the juice, but whatever.

Back to my day alone. It's peaceful and quiet and I am putting things away. I found the cables to my printer so I decided to hook that up. I have a big desk that is quite heavy. This is my monologue with myself:

"So, Tulip, how are you going to get those cables down the back and through the cut out in the back?
Hmmmm....good question. Maybe if I climb up on the desk and use coat hangers....that could work.
Silly girl..they are plastic coat hangers....they don't flex. ...Ohhhh, Right. Good point. Hmmmmm"

So, then I figured out that if I lowered the cord with the power box down the back, I could fish it through the hole in the back. I even found a couple of little bungee cords which I used to tie down the top of the cables. It was working fine until I encountered another problem.

"Tulip, the power box won't fit through the hole. the desk is too tight against the wall. Maybe you should try to plug in the other part of the cable and leave the box in the back....Ok, that should work...."

However, after much struggling, grunting, scratching of my wrist on the wood, I realized that this was not working.

"You know, maybe you should have put the whole cable together first. That would be easier. Of course, that would imply that you like to do things the easy way and we both know that you don't... ha ha ha...very funny. But that is a good idea. I will plug the other end of the cord in and then fish it through the hole."

I eventually got the cables pulled through but I had to repeat the process a few times when the cord slipped out of my hand. It was enough to make me want to scream. I refrained and maintained control and dignity. And now I sit back, admiring my desk and patting myself on the back because I got all my components connected and I have tucked all the wires away. It looks nice and tidy.

"Good job Tulip. You did it."

10 Lesser Known Facts

A while ago, I was trying out a different blog site and wrote this. However, I have decided to stay on Blogger so I pulled this over. Why waste it! For what it's worth, here is 10 (possibly) Lesser Known Facts About Tulip Mom:


1. I have been a follower of Christ since I was 17. I don’t know why He loves me so much nor why He puts up with me. I am such a slow learner and so determined to do things the hard way. But I am grateful that He is a patient and loving Savior and finds me worthy of saving.

2. I have 4 children who light up my world. Because of them, I have grown up and become a much better person than I ever could have imagined I would ever be.

3. I went back to college when I was 31 to become a nurse so that I could feed those 4 kids and put a roof over their heads, or maybe just to keep shoes on their feet, since that seems to be what grows faster than any other part of their body, or what they wear out first. That would be boys for ya!

4. I work with serious and persistently mentally ill in a community setting. It is an awesome job. I set my own schedule. I don’t work weekends or holidays and I really do love what I do and feel that this is what the Lord has called me to do, next to being Mom. But if I had a choice, I would totally be a stay-at-home mom and home school my kids. However, it doesn't pay the bills when you are a single parent.

5. I have a very warped sense of humor. And I love to hear people laugh. If people laugh at my jokes, I'm on top of the world. If they don't, at least I entertained myself. But when I can make my kids laugh, it’s the best thing in the world! (But I usually have to get really corny and do what they do not expect, like sitting on a whoopie cushion).

6. I am a scrapbooking fanatic, waiting for a 12 step program. But then that would mean I would have to quit! I have too many pictures and too many pages to make to quit now! I’m still working on 2003!

7. I am also a quilter. I love to piece the tops together and then hand stitch the quilt together. It takes a long time but it is soothing to me. It's how I relax.

8. My secret dream is to write a book; a memoir of sorts. I had a horrific marriage marked by spousal abuse and child abuse but God is good and I have passed through that time with a lot of experiences and nuggets of wisdom I would like to share with others.

9. I love to travel. And now that my kids are out of diapers and sippy cups, the world seems much more open! My kids and I are planning a trip out west to visit my sister in Las Vegas next year and traveling through Mt. Rushmore, Flaming Gorge, Salt Lake City, and then returning through the Grand Canyon, Royal Gorge and the Rockies and hopefully, sleeping through Nebraska and Iowa (Well, the kids will sleep…I will have to find a way to suffer through).

10. If I could visit any where in the world, I would go to Italy.

Favorite quote from Moving Day

Throughout the day, things would be needed like a power strip for my computer desk, a tool or some other odd item.

And someone would call out, "I know, I think it's in a Box."

It might be one of those "Had to be there" kind of things but it is a memory that I won't forget. There were parts of Moving Day that were difficult for me. I loved the house I was leaving. I was packing up a dream and putting the final nail in the coffin of a relationship. Plus there was the possibility that my ex could show up and I didn't know what was going to happen if he did but I was not looking forward to it.

So, the running joke as well as the other jokes that were plentiful were a great distraction and really helped me to enjoy the day.

Two years ago, I was moving out of my parents home, after living with them for 4 1/2 years. During that period, I had had another baby, gotten divorced, filed for bankruptcy, foreclosed on a house, surrendered a car and gone back to college and graduated with my nursing degree. That moving day was special because I was finally moving out on my own.

It was a very hot day in July, and my apartment was on the second floor. Some of the same guys that helped me today were helping me then. We did a little reminiscing today about that Moving Day. The quote of the day for 2006 was when one guy lifted up an antique chalkboard that belonged to my Grandmother (from her days teaching in the one room schoolhouse) and he said in a joking manner, "What is this...Slate?" And I said, "Yes...yes, it is."

I think he still has nightmares about my chalkboard. Every once in a while, I will say to him, "What is this....slate?" and we both start laughing. Good times.

And now I will have another little inside joke. "I think it's in a box." It's a good way to memorialize an important time. Today marks an important transition for me. Humor is my coping mechanism and how I heal. An inside joke seems appropriate.

The Move is Done...But not the Unpacking

I think this was by far the best Moving Day. Everything went so fast and smooth. I had a lot of people helping me out. I had also gotten rid of a lot of bulky furniture but I think it probably helped that I had moved a lot of things for the kitchen over to the new house beforehand as well as almost all of the clothing, linens and towels.

We started at about 8:45am and by 1:30pm, the truck was unloaded, beds were put together and bellies were full of pizza. It was awesome.

My work however, is not done. Now I have to put everything away. And I am beat. I have been running full throttle all week long just to get to this day and now that everything is in, all the energy has left me and I am a shell of irritated nerves and sore muscles ready to form a coup and revolt if I force them to so much as lift another item.

And BB just walked in to announce "When are we eating?" and not satisfied with my answer of "I don't know." He replied, "Well, I want to eat NOW."

Well, son, maybe the magic food fairy can just wave her magic wand and make some food appear but your mother doesn't know any magic food fairy. So, you, dear child, will have to wait until I drag my weary carcass down the stairs to find a pot, a can opener and a can of soup.

So there.

Oh, and I will have to find spoons. And bowls. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggg.

(And apparently along with my irritated nerves comes a sarcastic wit as well. I need a hot bath and a massage. I can probably get the bath. Bummer. It will have to do. )