Week 1 of my new job is done. Today, I started week 2. I really think I am going to like this job a lot. I am a Registered Nurse Case Manager for a home care company. I will learn how to draw blood, wound care as well as lots of paperwork. But there is a great deal of flexibility, setting my own schedule and opportunity to make bonuses for extra visits as well as mileage for my driving.
Sometimes, things happen in my life that I cannot explain why. And sometimes, God gives me a peek at why events unfolded like they did. A year ago, I was comfortable in my old job with the county. But I was also kind of bored. I had reached the point where I feel like I had mastered the tasks but there was no where to go, no opportunity to move ahead. But it was still security.
Then my basket was upset by being forced to find something different. The opportunity to move into long-term care provided me a great deal of new challenges. I really learned a lot about an area of nursing I had not known about. The challenge was perhaps greater than my abilities. I think I could have grown into the role but it did not work out that way. However, in my new position, the new things I learned in long term care and geriatric care are coming into play with the skill set I have. I have new things to learn but there are things I can look at now and see that if I had not worked in long-term care, I would not be familiar with what I will be learning now but in greater depth. I can see that I have an opportunity to become a stronger and more skilled nurse. I still live on faith and prayer. I took a drastic pay cut but in the end, I think I will be happier. Already the skills and knowledge I have are being appreciated and remarked on. I have much to learn but I am excited to try new things!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Well That's a Fine Howdy-do
I walked in to work today and discovered that my desk had been completely rearranged and cleaned off. I did not like that at all. Sadly, when I looked at what she had done, I did have to admit, I liked her arrangement better. However, I still felt as if I had been invaded. My desk is not always neat and tidy which is something that the Queen Bee likes. She doesn't like anything laying out. But that is her issue. My desk is my space given to me for me to do my work. It's one thing when there is a shared space such as a nursing station but in my office, at my desk, I should have the freedom to spread things out as I see fit. I have my own way of making sure I get things done. If I clear everything off my desk every day, I often forget if I had finished something. So, I leave myself a neat little stack of To Do items, usually with little notes written on a post-it, so I know where I left off.
Now she did leave me a little note on my computer explaining what she did and why. But still. And then when she came in, she sweetly talked about it and tried to make it like it was no big deal. I am kicking myself because I did not speak up and say, "You know, that really annoyed me. And while I understand that you were trying to help me out, rearranging my desk goes a little too far." Instead, I just tucked my feelings away and tried to ignore how annoyed I was.
She proceeded to tell me that she gave me a glowing evaluation after my interview on Thursday and that the company had called right after my interview. They also called today to talk about my interview but I missed the call. I wonder if that is a good sign? I will have to wait til tomorrow to find out for sure. If it is a job offer, I already know that I want the job. It sounds a lot like what I did before but with some new things in like learning how to draw blood and do more wound care.
Now she did leave me a little note on my computer explaining what she did and why. But still. And then when she came in, she sweetly talked about it and tried to make it like it was no big deal. I am kicking myself because I did not speak up and say, "You know, that really annoyed me. And while I understand that you were trying to help me out, rearranging my desk goes a little too far." Instead, I just tucked my feelings away and tried to ignore how annoyed I was.
She proceeded to tell me that she gave me a glowing evaluation after my interview on Thursday and that the company had called right after my interview. They also called today to talk about my interview but I missed the call. I wonder if that is a good sign? I will have to wait til tomorrow to find out for sure. If it is a job offer, I already know that I want the job. It sounds a lot like what I did before but with some new things in like learning how to draw blood and do more wound care.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
It just gets weirder
I feel like a pawn. And unfortunately, the pawn is always expendable.
Apparently, if I am reading the situation correctly, the Big Boss did not know that the DON (or as a friend calls her "the Queen Bee") had given me 30 day Walking Papers. When I announced my last day, he said, "Wow. Really? We need to talk about that." It took me two days to catch a moment to talk to him and when I did, I was surprised. He said that it was his understanding that I was being given a 30 day correction plan. I laid out what happened when she terminated me. It happened to be at the same time that he left the building for a week and 1/2 for the funeral and recuperation after his mother-in-law died. He told me, "Why do you say June 18th? Do you have a job lined up?" No, I do not. "We need you here." Basically, the agreement as it stands now is that I can stay at my current position while I continue to look for another job. I added that I would like the flexibility to go to interviews as they come up. Agreed.
And he said he will talk to Queen Bee about the situation. Hmmm. That could make Monday very interesting. I have not seen QB since I left for a interview on Thursday and at that time, she had not met with Big Boss yet so she was unaware of our new agreement.
I have been asked by many people if I will stay on if they were to rescind the termination. I do not think that is going to be in my best interest. There is no security. I know that QB does not want me there and I have seen her "in action" a bit to know that she could make my life very miserable if she does not get what she wants. So right now I am going to do what is good for me. It is better for me financially, obviously, because it means I will not go on unemployment or lose my insurance. However, I need security. I need to be in a job where I am trusted and my work is valued. And I need to work in a place that is upfront and values honesty. I shouldn't have to go digging for it or begging for answers.
Apparently, if I am reading the situation correctly, the Big Boss did not know that the DON (or as a friend calls her "the Queen Bee") had given me 30 day Walking Papers. When I announced my last day, he said, "Wow. Really? We need to talk about that." It took me two days to catch a moment to talk to him and when I did, I was surprised. He said that it was his understanding that I was being given a 30 day correction plan. I laid out what happened when she terminated me. It happened to be at the same time that he left the building for a week and 1/2 for the funeral and recuperation after his mother-in-law died. He told me, "Why do you say June 18th? Do you have a job lined up?" No, I do not. "We need you here." Basically, the agreement as it stands now is that I can stay at my current position while I continue to look for another job. I added that I would like the flexibility to go to interviews as they come up. Agreed.
And he said he will talk to Queen Bee about the situation. Hmmm. That could make Monday very interesting. I have not seen QB since I left for a interview on Thursday and at that time, she had not met with Big Boss yet so she was unaware of our new agreement.
I have been asked by many people if I will stay on if they were to rescind the termination. I do not think that is going to be in my best interest. There is no security. I know that QB does not want me there and I have seen her "in action" a bit to know that she could make my life very miserable if she does not get what she wants. So right now I am going to do what is good for me. It is better for me financially, obviously, because it means I will not go on unemployment or lose my insurance. However, I need security. I need to be in a job where I am trusted and my work is valued. And I need to work in a place that is upfront and values honesty. I shouldn't have to go digging for it or begging for answers.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
My life is so weird, I can't make this stuff up...
I have had a "perfect storm" of events in the last few weeks. Actually, it all kind of happened in one week, but the repercussions are still be felt now. In the middle of May, I turned 39. No big deal. It's a birthday. It was a busy week because we were getting ready to move from the townhouse in Hugo to a new home in Lexington. My birthday was weird. I had to work. I'm used to that. I have always either worked or had finals or other things occur on my birthday. No parades or national holidays...just life. But I did get sung to on my voicemail by my sister and my kids told me Happy Birthday all day long. I got sung to at work and they bought me lunch but no one ate with me. That should have been a clue.
The next day, at the end of the day, the Director of Nursing sat me down in my office and told me that she was giving me 30 days to find a new job and did I have any questions. What do you say to that? Clearly, she is not happy with my work but not so unhappy or concerned with what I do that she didn't need or couldn't justify an escort out the door that day. But she did let me leave early. This was Thursday afternoon and I had Friday off in order to finish getting ready to move on Saturday.
So, in the midst of trying to get things in order to pack, finish painting and all those little details that need attention, my mind is racing in a hundred different directions because now I need a new job and I have to face going back to work on Monday knowing that I am no longer wanted or needed in that position.
I have wise people in my life who gave me a lot of tidbits and things to ponder. If I was in any way endangering the safety of the nursing home, I would not have gotten 30 days. If the quality of my work was an issue, I would not have gotten 30 days. Instead, I was not the person the new DON wanted to work with and truth be told, I have been struggling to keep up with all the various tasks that get thrown at me during the day so perhaps this job is too big for me to handle at this point. And this is really an opportunity to take what I have learned and move on to something else. It in no way means I am a bad nurse or a bad manager or ineffective leader. "Not a good fit" is very appropriate. I didn't fit Camden and Camden didn't fit me.
But it has been weird going to work every day feeling like "dead man walking" or the "lame duck ADON". Except that very few people know that I am the lame duck ADON. I have decided that I will continue to hold my head high and walk in to work every day, work hard, do my very best work and smile. I will be gracious and kind and not be bitter. There are a lot of nasty things I could do but that is really beneath me as the kind of person I want to be. As some people have told me, go in to work and do your job in such a way that they regret their decision.
And that is what I do. Amazingly, it gets easier every day. The every-day issues don't bother me. Sometimes I still feel the sting of being rejected or being lashed out against but I take myself into my office and remind myself that I don't have to take it personally. My countdown clock has started. And there is a job out there that has my name written all over it; it will use my gifts and abilities and also provide challenge and growth.
To compound the supposed simplicity of my life, (Ha ha ha. )I learned from a private assessment that my youngest son will more than likely be repeating first grade and that at some point during the year (earlier rather than later, in my opinion), he shut down and lost his confidence. The assessment placed him at a Kindergarten level. To me, it feels as if 1st grade was a complete wash and that despite my repeated requests for help for him, he was just pushed along with very little indication of how serious the problem was. It wasn't until I completed a parent survey for grade retention that I learned of his teacher's opinion that he should have been held back in Kindergarten. If this was his opinion, why didn't this get dealt with in September or October. I am angry and sad for my son and his frustrations. Looking back, it is so clear how much he was struggling. He has told me about his good-bad days and then one day how excited he was last week when he got the right answer for a math problem and his teacher told him he gets a pat on the back. I realized that he has had very little "successes" through the year but has felt a lot of criticism. It makes me want to cry.
So, my family has taken Peanut on as a "village" project. My sister, the english teacher, will be tutoring him through the summer. My Mom is going to do some extra 1:1 enrichment tutoring and the irony for me, I am going to help him with math. Me, the reformed hater of math...the one who struggled to multiply and hated Algebra and Geometry...I am going to work on math skills. The primary goal for Peanut is to overcome this hump of low self confidence and even if he repeats the first grade, he will be more prepared and feel good about himself.
Oh, there's more but I'm tired.
The next day, at the end of the day, the Director of Nursing sat me down in my office and told me that she was giving me 30 days to find a new job and did I have any questions. What do you say to that? Clearly, she is not happy with my work but not so unhappy or concerned with what I do that she didn't need or couldn't justify an escort out the door that day. But she did let me leave early. This was Thursday afternoon and I had Friday off in order to finish getting ready to move on Saturday.
So, in the midst of trying to get things in order to pack, finish painting and all those little details that need attention, my mind is racing in a hundred different directions because now I need a new job and I have to face going back to work on Monday knowing that I am no longer wanted or needed in that position.
I have wise people in my life who gave me a lot of tidbits and things to ponder. If I was in any way endangering the safety of the nursing home, I would not have gotten 30 days. If the quality of my work was an issue, I would not have gotten 30 days. Instead, I was not the person the new DON wanted to work with and truth be told, I have been struggling to keep up with all the various tasks that get thrown at me during the day so perhaps this job is too big for me to handle at this point. And this is really an opportunity to take what I have learned and move on to something else. It in no way means I am a bad nurse or a bad manager or ineffective leader. "Not a good fit" is very appropriate. I didn't fit Camden and Camden didn't fit me.
But it has been weird going to work every day feeling like "dead man walking" or the "lame duck ADON". Except that very few people know that I am the lame duck ADON. I have decided that I will continue to hold my head high and walk in to work every day, work hard, do my very best work and smile. I will be gracious and kind and not be bitter. There are a lot of nasty things I could do but that is really beneath me as the kind of person I want to be. As some people have told me, go in to work and do your job in such a way that they regret their decision.
And that is what I do. Amazingly, it gets easier every day. The every-day issues don't bother me. Sometimes I still feel the sting of being rejected or being lashed out against but I take myself into my office and remind myself that I don't have to take it personally. My countdown clock has started. And there is a job out there that has my name written all over it; it will use my gifts and abilities and also provide challenge and growth.
To compound the supposed simplicity of my life, (Ha ha ha. )I learned from a private assessment that my youngest son will more than likely be repeating first grade and that at some point during the year (earlier rather than later, in my opinion), he shut down and lost his confidence. The assessment placed him at a Kindergarten level. To me, it feels as if 1st grade was a complete wash and that despite my repeated requests for help for him, he was just pushed along with very little indication of how serious the problem was. It wasn't until I completed a parent survey for grade retention that I learned of his teacher's opinion that he should have been held back in Kindergarten. If this was his opinion, why didn't this get dealt with in September or October. I am angry and sad for my son and his frustrations. Looking back, it is so clear how much he was struggling. He has told me about his good-bad days and then one day how excited he was last week when he got the right answer for a math problem and his teacher told him he gets a pat on the back. I realized that he has had very little "successes" through the year but has felt a lot of criticism. It makes me want to cry.
So, my family has taken Peanut on as a "village" project. My sister, the english teacher, will be tutoring him through the summer. My Mom is going to do some extra 1:1 enrichment tutoring and the irony for me, I am going to help him with math. Me, the reformed hater of math...the one who struggled to multiply and hated Algebra and Geometry...I am going to work on math skills. The primary goal for Peanut is to overcome this hump of low self confidence and even if he repeats the first grade, he will be more prepared and feel good about himself.
Oh, there's more but I'm tired.
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