Peeps

Peanut is at it again...making me laugh. For Easter, he got this little bug catcher that looks sort of like two ice cream scoops molded into a pair of scissors. On the way to daycare one day, he told me, "Mom, I want to go to the zoo and catch Peeps* with my bug catcher."

*Peeps are what he calls baby chickens.

"Oh really? I don't know if you can catch them in that. Do you know what peeps become when they grow up?"

He thought for a moment and then real slowly he said, "Big Peeps."

I started chuckling and needed to see where else we could go in this conversation, so I said, "No, actually little peeps grow up into chickens."

Peanut: "Ohhhhhhh. And we eat chickens, right?"

Mom: "Yes, we eat chickens."

Peanut: "And we also eat cows."

Mom: "Yes, we eat cows."

Peanut: "And we eat pigs." He was getting into the spirit now.

Mom: "Right. We get ham from pigs."

Then he says with great enthusiasm, "And BACON!!!"

My little carnivore!

What lies beneath...the snow and ice

As the glacier in the backyard of the Northern estate begins to recede, scientists have begun to uncover many strange objects in both the terrain beneath the glacier path as well as the creek that runs along the side of the glacier.

Under the glacier:
1. a red wagon
2. several items of clothing including a red Santa hat, a blue T shirt, a scarf, mittens and many socks that may have been white at one time.
3. several shovels
4. a sled
5. a recycling bin
6. stuffed animals
7. various plastic toys and balls
8. the garden hose

In the creek:
1. a blue and green toy box
2. several pieces of a plastic jungle gym cube-thing
3. a rake
4. a bike with training wheels
5. a white plastic table
6. another sled

What curious inhabitants must have once walked these frozen lands back in 2007. What they have left behind may give us a small glimpse as to what life must have been like in those days before the glacier came. But we are left with many questions:

How did those objects get into the creek?
Did they get pushed by the glacier?
Was it some sacred ceremony or coming of age?
Did they know the glacier was coming?
Did they listen to their Mommy who probably told them to put their toys away "before the snow comes"?

We may never know.

The Moving has begun

We did two trips back and forth between what I now call the "Northern estate" and the "Southern estate". BB was very helpful today. I was really quite floored when he was trying to carry boxes and even roping PH (who now wants to be called Pumkin He 4...It means something to him. I just smile and shrug, "Oo-Kay") into trying to carry boxes out to the van.

Queen of the Post-It Lives again. I went through the kitchen with my blue stickies and figured out where I am going to put all my kitchen items and labeled them as such. That part was kind of fun because I have never before, in my many moves, been able to just relax and plan out the kitchen without stacks of boxes behind me and the panic of "Which box has the "Mac-n-Cheese" pan in it?" or needing something practical like a glass. Today, I could be leisurely and plan my attack.

I brought over my good china and my crystal goblets and put them away. Tomorrow, I will bring over more not-so essential kitchen items (leaving the bare essential items in the North).

I have high hopes of getting all of this fussy stuff that takes a lot of time and a lot of boxes taken care of during my week off, before my crew of friends comes to lug the big pieces of furniture into the U-Haul and then out again at the Southern estate. I would like the big moving day to be more relaxed and fun and not take up the WHOLE day for my friends.

However, tonight, my bones are creaking. My neck is tight and I feel muscles complaining that are usually very quiet. So, I don' t know if I will be able to handle moving a lot of this stuff alone. Even with BB's help. He's only 52 lb 9 year old and weighs about the same as some of the boxes I am packing (If you are one of my crew reading this, I'm just kidding about that...most boxes are under 49.9 lbs :) ). And I am counting down the minutes til I can take a Flexaril, my muscles turning into wet noodles and floating off to sleep.

So, I would say my packing plans are fluid at this point. I will do what I can, shuttle what I can to the south and re-use as many boxes as I can because I really do not feel like bugging the grocery stores or lurking behind the liquor stores and dumpster diving for cardboard. I kind of like the pack and unpack approach...more work on the front end, less work on the back end.

If I survive, that is.

Getting in touch with the panic within

In 1 week, my kids and I are moving out of a house and into a townhouse. It's a really cute townhouse and I am excited about it. I signed a year lease yesterday and did the walk-through, got the keys and the garage door opener. But now I am sitting here at "Oh too early in the morning", practically in a cold sweat, freaking out about how I am going to fit my furniture into that townhouse without making it seem like we have just shoved everything in and we are climbing on top of each other. And I will admit, I'm panicking a little.



Tulip, take some deep breaths. It will be ok. It will work....In with the good...out with the bad...Deep breath in, and exhale.



I bought a pad of graph paper and tonight I am taking my kids and my parents over for a tour, so I am also going to bring a measuring tape. That will help ease my mind. My mom will also have some good ideas on how to use the space without feeling cramped. It is good that I have the next week off to pack and sort, and get rid of stuff that we really do not need. And perhaps some things will just need to be stored in the garage for the next time we move.



This townhouse was for rent or for sale. Some have asked me if I will buy it. I think that the answer is going to be no. It will be nice for the time being. I will share a bedroom with my daughter and we will be ok. We did that for 4 years before. But I know myself enough to know that at some point it will wear on me and I am going to need more space, personal and private space. But I can handle it for a year.



I know it is going to be fine. I just have to see it to believe it. And then, being the worry-wart that I am, I am already thinking a year ahead and worrying about yanking my kids out of their surroundings again...



RELAX....deep breath in.....exhale....

This is the verse I am going to think about and meditate on:

Matthew 6:24
"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. "

The Lord is guiding my steps and leading me along this path. I don't know what will happen in year. All I have is today and even that is not a guarantee. However, I can plan for today and do what I need to do for today. And I can plan for what I will do with this lovely shelter the Lord has provided. It is an opportunity to simplify things, so that is good. The last thing I need to do is to panic. Perhaps that is why it was good to wake up at "Oh so early" and put some sanity back in amidst the panic that can occur in the throws of that half-awake dreamy state.

I feel better now. Calmer and more relaxed. I would like to go back to bed and dream of Prince Charming on a white horse, carrying me off in to the sunset to live happily ever after but I haven't had that dream since I was a girl. And it is now about 4 minutes before my alarm would be going off, so I guess I will go and take care of things for today like making lunches and getting dressed...maybe unloading the dishwasher and personal hygiene so that I am fit for presentation in society.

Thank you Lord for grabbing my attention. It seems like my life is so chaotic and noisy that the early hours of the morning are the only ones where I am quiet enough to hear you talking.

I am truly blessed

I am just scratching my head but praising the Lord because there is no other explanation for the events that have occurred this week. Just His blessings upon my life.

I'm going to back up a little and set the stage because I think it does explain why I think these blessings are happening now at this very precise moment in time.

Managing finances has not been a very strong area for me. I used to blame my ex-husband for my inabilities in that area because he managed the money but gave me all the blame. However, it has been well over 5 years since I have been doing my finances alone and I have made many, many mistakes. Some were extremely expensive and poorly timed. I shed many tears over them. However, I do have to say that I have never been without a roof over my head or food on the table.

But I have made it a personal goal to improve how I manage my resources because it is the Lord who supplies me with a good income. He also has given me a brain and expects me to use it. But I let fear get in the way and fear leads to shame and embarrassment and this has sent me down a spiraling path that creates more problems. So, part of my resolution is to face my problems head on and not cower in the corner in fear. The other part was to begin to tithe regularly. My church began doing an automatic withdrawal from a checking or savings account. I had mixed feelings about that because I thought perhaps I would not be a "cheerful giver" if the money was just taken out of my account each week.

The Lord continued to press on my heart about it and I decided I really did want to do it, so I prayed and asked the Lord to tell me what amount I should tithe. So, at a business meeting, the ACH forms were on the tables and a number popped into my head. I filled out the form and turned it in. What I didn't know was that I would get an email notice every week saying that the amount was withdrawn. And each time it happens, my heart is filled with joy. And I am looking forward to a time when I can increase my tithe.

So, that is the background. It was a leap of faith and courage because money was feeling extremely tight but at the same time, I knew that I needed to be obedient and trust that the Lord would take care of me and my family.

Since that time, my Grandmother offered to help me with money I needed to move out of my current living situation and into a new place. That was something she said she had been praying about for a while because she felt that it was not going to be good for me to stay in the situation I was in. And she was right. That all fell into place in a matter of 3 days time. It was amazing.

This week, it was Easter, and I usually do something for my kids like hiding easter eggs. But I got Strep and didn't feel well but also with the upcoming move and trying to pay down some huge heating bills from the winter and BB's cell phone larceny...I was feeling the pinch. So, I didn't do anything. I felt bad about it later so I promised the kids a treat. Easter candy is so cheap the day after Easter!!

Monday night, I got a call around 9:30pm. I recognized the voice, sort of, but the man said, "From someone who cares, there is a package for you on the front step." It sort of freaked me out a little bit. But when I opened my front door, there were 4 bags, each contained an easter basket with some toys and candy for each of my kids, with their names on them. At that point, I definitely knew who it was but for the kids, I told them I found the baskets on the front step. They were so giggly and happy about it. It made my day to watch them. That was blessing #1.

Blessing #2 came today. In the mail, I got a note that said, "Use these for what you need. God Bless!" No name. No return address. I don't recognized the handwriting. It was a gift card to Cub for $100 and a gift card to Target for $100. I was floored. I just kept looking at the note and looking at the cards. The timing is perfect. I am moving in a week and am renting a truck, feeding a crew of people and I want to treat them well, plus gas for my van to run back and forth all week. I was going to scrape by. I had been running my budget for the two weeks between paychecks and I could do it but it was going to be tight. But these gift cards will ease the burden.

I am blessed. And I am humbled. Thank you Jesus. Thank you to my anonymous friends who have blessed me this week.

Making Friends with Technology

I have mastered many things in my cube world. I can make collated copies, even with staples. However, at the county, there are office managers who like to do that for me, so I don't get to play with the big copier very often. I can even make things that were on two pages come out onto one page. I actually acquired that skill working as a tech, before I became an RN. I kind of had a knack for sweet talking the sassy copier that was always giving the office problems. So, when I came on I would hear someone say, "Ask Tulip, she's good with that thing..." So, I have been sad that I can't put that skill to more use. But I don't want to make the secretaries feel useless either.

In fact, one secretary has been complaining that she doesn't have enough to do and she is bored. So, my two teams have been trying to come up with odd jobs for her to do. They keep coming to me and asking me if I have anything I would like to delegate to her. I really can't. What would I do with my down time? Plus, some of it would require a lot of training and explanation, so it is more hassle than helpful.

Today, I had a lot of office time. I made out my daily "To Do" list of phone calls, follow-up items, and medication orders to update. I have put those off because they are boring and kind of putzy. But I need to do them so I started pulling client charts out and making sure the medication orders are updated and correct. Then I have to make fax cover sheets for the doctors. Those are word documents.

One friend I made in technology is learning how to make forms in Word. I'm proud of myself for that one. I figured it out on my own. Pretty soon, I made everything into a form and saved all the forms in folders on my desktop.

Today, I made each client a fax cover sheet for their doctor. Then when I had the 5 different doctors faxes ready to go, I strolled over to the fax to make another friend. I have gotten to know the fax machine quite well. Most of the time, I just have to fax one set of documents to one place. It's fairly simple. I'm a quick learner. I caught on in a 5 minute demo on my first day. Today, I faxed 5 documents to 5 doctors at 5 locations one after the other in less than 3 minutes. It was almost flawless. And the fax machine did not spit any sheets back at me saying "transmission error". Woooo Hooooo.

The other technology friend I made today was not nearly such a graceful start. It was my phone. I have mastered the features such as accessing my voicemail, changing my greeting. I have not successfully transferred messages to other people and I have yet to transfer a live call to another phone without losing the caller some where in space. Thankfully, I don't encounter that need very often and I work around it. (I use a pen and paper and call them back!)

Today, my phone was not working right. I was sitting at my desk all morning and it never rang. It isn't unusual for that to happen. Not too many people call the nurse. But I would be working at my computer and then look at my phone and notice that my message light was blinking. Sometimes that happens when other people transfer messages or just leave messages in voicemail. No big deal. Except when I would listen to the messages, the time stamp was a time when I was sitting right there. Odd.

It happened several more times. Finally at lunch, I asked a co-worker who I should talk to about this problem with my phone. She told me. So, after lunch, I went to her office but she wasn't there. So I fired off an email and asked her if it would be possible to get it looked at today because I had a client who may think I am blowing her off by not taking her calls.

So, this staff person breezes over to my cube, smiles graciously and looks at my phone, then smiles at me again but in a very "knowing" way and pushes a button and says, "This button here sends all your calls to voice mail. You probably bumped it. It happens to everyone."

If the floor could have opened and swallowed me up right there, I would have been happy. I have been at this job for a YEAR and did not know my phone had an "All Forward" feature or what that feature did.

My phone and I are back on good terms.

Another episode of Larceny

Today, I was really in the groove. I was running ahead of my usual schedule which is " Ten Minutes Late". I laid things out last night including lunches so all I had to do was make 3 PB&J sandwiches and put in a piece of fruit. I was in the midst of waking the school kids and gathering my stuff for work when I started looking for my cell phone.

Deja vu.

I could swear I left it on the kitchen counter on the charger. But it was no where to be found. Today, I was determined to defeat the Matrix. I grabbed my house phone and called my cell phone and started walking toward BB's room.

As I came down the stairs and walked in his room, I could hear my phone ringing but it was kind of muffled. I had been pretty sure BB had it but maybe I had put it in my jacket pocket. But then I saw BB leap out of bed and toss my cell phone across the floor and try to scramble back to his bed and look like he was still asleep.

I said, "BUSTED!"

He buried his head in his pillow and did not come upstairs for several minutes. Apparently, he had taken my cell phone during the night and had fallen asleep on top of it. He was sound asleep until it started ringing but he quickly woke up and knew he was in big trouble.

I wish I had this on video tape because I would absolutely send this in to America's Funniest Home Video's.

Strolling down memory lane...

I am clearly feeling much better. I have folded laundry but perhaps in a subconscious desire to avoid the dreaded sorting of socks, I have moved on to packing a few more things, namely my scrapbooks. I looked at my high school scrapbook. It is certainly not as polished as what I do now but I was smiling as I read what I wrote back in 1989 (I frowned at the browning of the scotch tape and the loose pages and began to plan how I could fix it...sigh...another project). I think I was particularly interested in the high school book because I just talked to one of my best friends from high school last week.

We were a motley bunch of kids. We didn't fit into any particular group (like the jocks/cheerleaders, the brainiacs, the party crowd, the super popular crowd) so we sort of made our own, the normal kids. I think we became friends because we started eating lunch together. We bonded over processed chicken patties, shredded lettuce with watered down ranch dressing and mixed into that assortment of fine cuisine was woven a lot of laughter and good memories.

In my scrapbook, I found an article I wrote for the school paper about the speech team that I was on. I had forgotten that I had even written it. One of my "lunch bunch" friends is a very talented artist and cartoonist with a penchant for satire and he did some cartoons that I saved as well as his satirical article about how perhaps the tray tokens we used in order to insure that we returned our trays, instead of leaving them on the tables, could possibly be the mark of the beast. I also clipped the principal's reply. He was less than pleased about my friend's article. I however, was very amused, and a little proud. My friend who called the other day and the friend who was the satirical cartoonist have been married now for 13 years.

I found ticket stubs to basketball games and movies that I went to. I am glad that I wrote down who I went with because that did trigger memories associated with the ticket even if I can't remember a thing about the game or the movie. I also saved funny cards my friends gave me or notes that were passed to me. I even saved some roses a boy gave to me that were half dead when he gave them to me because he left them in his car and they froze. That relationship lasted less than a week. Ahh high school.

Next summer will be my 20th class reunion. That should be interesting. That was something my friend and I were discussing. Was I going? I told her I went to the 5 year and stayed an hour because it was the same old garbage from high school, same cliques, and nothing really had changed, except me (and maybe the girl who lost 100 lbs and went from being a sweet person to being obnoxious and rude). I had been married for a year. I had just graduated from college (what I now refer to as College: Round 1). I felt like I was moving forward and that reunion felt like I was being sucked backwards.

So, when a drunk guy I didn't know told my husband to take me out on the floor to dance and pulled my chair out (and my husband did not rise to defend my honor BTW), I just said, "Let's just go." I didn't look back. And I skipped the 10 year reunion. I figure that by the 20 year reunion, life will have kicked everyone around enough to have evened things out and it should be more interesting to go to.

When I finished strolling through high school memories, I found my baby scrapbook. I always laugh when I open it because right in the front cover is the birth announcement for another baby. He was the son of my parents college friends and he was born a few months before me. Ironically, when I was in 8th grade, we moved next door to these college friends and he became one of my friends. It's a small world sometimes.

It was fun to see what my Mom wrote about me and all the cards with the funky 70's flair and colors. What struck me the most today was reading a letter my Grandmother wrote to me on my first birthday. She talked about how special my mom is to her because she is her first born daughter and then how I am her first born daughter and then how I special to her because I am her first grandchild. There was something in there too about how she was praying for me that I would grow up to be as good a mommy as my mom is. I'm so glad my mom saved that letter for me. It really touched me to know that 36 years ago, my grandmother was praying for me and for the children I would one day have. It is kind of messing with my head in a way. In a good way. It's just kind of freaky. In sticking with the 80's theme, it feels a bit like "Back to the Future" but without Michael J. Fox or that cool car.

As I looked over these pages that my mom put together for me, I realized just how precious this is to me now. It is a good reminder to me of how much I am loved by my parents. I laughed when I read how my Dad stood outside the base exchange handing out cigars and bragging about his new daughter. And then I remembered how proudly he carried my infant daughter in the crook of his arms to show his colleagues when I brought her to his work one day. My Dad doesn't say he loves me out loud very often but he tells me in his actions.

So, I am going to keep on scrapbooking. I am going to keep on journaling all those silly little things my kids do that make me laugh because some day, they are going to sit down and flip through those books and smile and laugh and know that their mom loved them so very much.

Cranky Mom

Day 2 for Cranky Mom-the Patient. Ironic because I am far from being patient. Everything hurts. I don't sleep well. I can't eat hardly anything because everything hurts going down, even water. But I'm so thirsty. And every little thing is excruciatingly irritating. It's just not good.

However, I can tell that I do feel better because yesterday, I did not care what my house looked like. I didn't care what my kids did, as long as it didn't involve any sort of danger or bodily harm to one another, and didn't require anything of me. I just wanted to lay on the couch, sleep and count down the hours til bedtime. Today is a different story. I do care what the house looks like. The word Pig-sty comes to mind. It irritates me and I have made a few feeble attempts to rectify it but then my head starts to hurt or my back starts to ache and I am reminded that I am still under the weather.

The weirdest thing, and grossest too is that when I sneeze, I just want to scream because I think my throat is going to rip apart into shreds and huge chunks of mucus come forth. I sure hope I don't have to do that again. Yet another thing I don't remember about having strep throat. Ick.

And to make matters even more challenging, BB decides that today he will throw a huge fit, call his sister a really nasty name that I will not repeat but my ears are ringing from it and then when I try to instill discipline, he fights me tooth and nail. I had to forcibly carry him to his room while he tries to first, wrap his leg around my legs in order to trip me, then he grabs the wall of the stairs as we go down. I told him he needed to stay in there for 30 minutes and get himself under control. I laid out the rules: No throwing things, no holes in the door, no destruction... He was out in a few minutes, still growling and ornery, so I tried again. He refused to walk of his own free will so I picked him up and carried him again. When I opened the door to his room, I saw that he had in essense up-ended everything in his room. I told him that he had 30 minutes in his room and that should be plenty of time to put things back in order.

I called my mom during all of this. She has offered to come over this afternoon and just be another adult in the house for a few hours. Thank the Lord. I don't know if I can do it. I tried my hardest to keep my cool and I did. But I was right on the edge of losing it.

After 15 minutes, he came out and was like a completely different child. He was calm. He later apologized to me for yelling at me and then apologized for saying mean, nasty things to his sister and he cleaned up most of his mess in the hallways. He will need some coaching to get his room cleaned because there is a little trick to getting his bed back together but I told him he will do the work, I will just stand there and give directions.

I think this is coming from the anticipation of our move in a couple of weeks. He has 4 more days of school and then we begin moving to our new house and then he will start at a new school on April 7. He does not deal well with transitions and changes. It comes out in storms like this. And these storms are hard enough to deal with when I am not sick. Throw my own battle with crankiness in there and we have a big mess. I also learned at lunch that he did not take his Strattera this morning like I thought he had. Apparently, I will need to go back to watching him take it again because I can't trust that he will do it without me checking up on him.

Fitting

It's positive

Hooray. I'm so excited that I too get to go on 10 days of antibiotics. Not really.

What did strike me odd was the expression on the nurse's face when she told me the results. She looked surprised that it was positive. I however, was not. I was relieved because I knew that I could get an antibiotic and that in about 24 hours, I will start to feel better and I will no longer be contagious.

I also learned on my exploration of WebMd that Strep will go away if left untreated within about 7-10 days. Interesting, I thought. However, without antibiotics, the infected person continues to be contagious for up to 3 weeks! So, I am doing my part to serve mankind by getting on antibiotics.

I'm not really that altruistic. I'm a wimp and a bad patient. I don't like to be sick. I get whiny and irritable. I am no fun to be around. I don't even enjoy myself. So, for that reason, I will seek out the cure of the moldy bread in the form of Pennicilin and do my family a favor and get better soon, so that they will be able to put up with me.

Strep Throat Strikes Again

But this time it's me. I haven't gone to the doctor yet for the rapid test. I'm waiting for the magic hour when the operators are on the phones and I can call. I've been waiting since about 3am...then 4am...5:30...6:15...7:20. Fitful night sleep to say the least. I suspected strep yesterday and looked up the symptoms on WebMd: Sudden sore throat, aching muscles, fever. Check, check and check.

I haven't had strep throat since I was a kid. I don't remember how bad I felt then. I just remember one time when I was in 3rd grade and I was out for a week. My sister came down with Chicken Pox at the same time, so as I was recovering from strep, I then got "the Pox" and was out of school for another 3 weeks.

Looking back on that time, from the perspective of a mother, I really admire my Mom. She had 3 children home all day, sick and miserable. My sister who had Chicken Pox first also developed an infection that they suspected could be Reye's Syndrome, so my parents were very scared. After I came down with Chicken Pox then my baby sister came down with it too. My Mom probably had a good 2 months of sick children to contend with.

It makes me embarrassed to whine about the 3 weeks that this has been going on. I don't remember my mother ever complaining. It's not say she didn't. I just don't remember it. This gives me hope that perhaps my children will remember the love and care I gave to them and not my impatience and frustrations or worries about using up too much sick time and would I have to take some leave without pay. Those are worries kids do not need heaped upon their shoulders.

So perhaps my coming down with Strep is an opportunity to walk in their shoes for a mile and realize how uncomfortable it is being sick. When I told my daughter that I thought I was coming down with this, she asked me what my symptoms were. She began to compare, "Oh my legs didn't hurt like that. My throat did hurt like that...I couldn't swallow anything." It was also more than likely inevitable that I would get this infection because it seemed to be a rather virulent strain that swept through the whole house. But what is life about if I don't take the time to learn something from every experience. Maybe next time my kids are sick, I will be a little more sympathetic and compassionate because I am marking this day of misery in my head.

My daily giggle....

My accomplishment

I have had my current vehicle, a '94 Ford Aerostar in a bright green that we have named "Jade", for 2 years. Today, I finally learned how to program the clock! I previously resigned myself to the fact that for 6 months out of the year, it would be correct and then the other 6 months, I would have to add an hour, unless I had to disconnect the battery. In which case, I would have rethink my strategy and probably would have to come up with a key of some sort that I would hang on the visor such as: Add 3 hours and 17 minutes.

Not anymore. I have conquered the clock. It will be my master no more!

For all the technological gadgets I have: cell phone, laptop, PDA...I am really not very technical. So, I wonder why people come up to me and say, "You know a lot about computers, can you help me do such and such?" They probably would not do that if they knew that my cell phone was on speaker phone for 2 days and I didn't have a clue how it got on speaker nor did I have a clue as to how to get it off. I should have handed it to BB. He seems to know how to do techie stuff naturally.

I think I will just sit back and rejoice in my clock victory and recount my other victory over the speaker phone on my cell phone. Now, if I could just figure out why it sometimes starts recording... A project for another day. Today is a day for victory!

Office Antics

Or what I have dubbed it: "Pimp my Cube".

My supervisor has been out on maternity leave since early December and today was her first day back. Another co-worker, "Karen", has been the acting supervisor while she was out. For months, "Sue" has been planning to let "Karen" know she was back in with the rest of us with a little office prank. The day finally came.

Sue was eagerly waiting for Karen to head home yesterday so that the "pimping" could begin. Another couple of co-workers were also going to help Sue but those of us still in the office we were all on the look out for signs that Karen was about to leave. There were whispers traveling from cube to cube..."No one ask Karen a question...Let her leave." But then 5 minutes before she usually leaves, the middle management boss "Sandy" cornered her in her office and was leisurely talking with Karen. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

I could tell that Sue was frustrated. I had hoped to get in on some of the fun. But I have to leave on time in order to make it to my babysitter's by 5:15 or I get charged $5 every 15 minutes I'm late. So, I could not participate in body, but I was there in spirit. I begged Sue to take pictures!

What I think is the funniest thing about this little prank is how Sue spent time yesterday cleaning up Karen's cube for her. She straightened things out, cleaning the desk and dusted all the surfaces. She even said she arranged things according to Feng Shui (It's our new office joke**). So Karen was already so tickled that she was being welcomed back from "Supervisory land" to the "Land of Trenches" so heartily. She didn't suspect a thing!

When she got to her cube this morning, her cube was filled to the brim with balloons and there were streamers covering everything and even some left over confetti from some Secret Santa pranking at Christmas time. Poor Karen couldn't even get into her nicely cleaned and Feng Shui'd cube!

I can't wait to see the pictures. Karen was a really good sport and was smiling about it when I asked her about it later. I'm sure that my turn is coming in May when it is my birthday. One co-worker puts her purse in her upper cabinet so they filled it with ping-pong balls. When it was time to go to her Birthday lunch, she opened up the cubbie to get her purse, she was assaulted by bright orange and green balls. She burst out laughing. Whatever they do to me will be different and unexpected and from what I know of my co-workers, they are creative and know how to catch people off-guard.

**The Feng-Shui Office joke: One co-worker Jan began talking about how she applied Feng-Shui to her house in order to conceive a child and that she got pregnant the first month after doing that. Some of the girls were saying, "Don't come near my house! I don't want to get pregnant!" I said, "I don't need ANY more babies! No Feng-shui Baby Energy in my house either." But then the joke became to Feng-shui the cubes we occupy in order to bring about harmony and positive energy to the work space. It is a little too mystical and new age-y for me but I chuckle because I don't really believe in all of that stuff. My work space motto is "A cluttered desk is a sign of a Creative Mind". I know where everything is but I just can't seem to work well with an immaculate desk. I don't scrapbook that way either. I do think it is the artistic side of me. Every once in a while, the clutter gets to me and I will straighten things up, wipe down the surfaces and put everything away again. But within a few days, it's back to disarray and everything is out where I need it again. Oh well. It's an Organized Mess.

2008 Lecture Series

1. Flushing etiquette: the finer points of flushing after each use but knowing NOT to flush when someone is taking a shower.

2. Basic Hygiene: Tips, Tricks and other How To's. "Your mother wants you to know that although she cares for you deeply and did change countless diapers, the time has come for you to take care of this area by yourself. So here is some advice: You may need to wipe more than once. If you don't you may get an itchy bottom. You do not need 40 feet of paper. If you use too much, you clog the toilet and it costs $75 to get the plumber out to snake the toilet. Wash your hands every time, whether you think you "got any" on your hands or not. If the towel falls on the floor, please hang it back up. If you finish the roll, please put a new roll on or you may find yourself "stuck" sometime when another person did not extend that courtesy to you. And let me stress again to the young gentlemen, Please look at what you are doing. Aim at the water and if you miss, wipe it up. Your mother and your sister thank you.

3. Manners: This topic will include break out sessions and group work in the areas of Table Etiquette, Polite Words, Appropriate Behavior on Location (grocery stores, Target, or other locations with lots of people) and a special lecture on the topic of "Things You Should NEVER, EVER say to your Mother".

4. Body Language: Burps and other Natural Gases.

5. A Multi-part series called "Let Me Introduce You to..."
...the Garbage Can! There's one in Every Room"
...the Kitchen Faucet! You too Can Rinse Your
Dishes"
...the Laundry Basket! Not just for basketball
practice!"

The schedule is TBD but if there is a large demand, some topics can be repeated.

Boys and their secret treasures

Two boys in one room. Two beds. One has the large drawers which are supposed to hold all the toys. One theoretically has empty space to collect dust bunnies. That's the theory. I discovered in my clean sweep of their room on Friday that my theory has been shot to pieces. This is what I found:

1. Fifty million peices of legos, give or take. Including all those teeny tiny pieces that the Lego company insists are necessary for their kits so that everything can look smooth and "just like the real thing" but really just find their way onto the floor and into the parental foot in the middle of the night.

2. The equivalent of 15 pairs of socks. I had been wondering why so many socks had no buddies. I try to make exact pairs but I really hate sorting socks, so I have resorted to buying several packages of the same socks. But some days, because old socks get mixed in with new socks, I figure it is better to go with a sock on each foot and no one will notice if they have green stitching or blue stitching, crew length or calf length. Well, now that mystery is solved. (But I don't look forward to sorting and matching socks any more than I ever do. It's a mindlessly boring task that I put off until someone complains they can't find socks to wear.)

3. 5 pairs of underwear. I didn't dare try to guess if they were clean or dirty. I erred on the side of caution and threw them in the laundry basket. This also answered a question I had about why PH seemed to run out of underwear faster than anyone else. Another mystery solved.

4. Various T-shirts and parts of pajama sets. You might think that I don't provide them with a laundry basket. But I do. It is out in plain view, sometimes I purposely put it in the middle of the room so that they can do nothing but trip on it, in the hope that they will USE it. I have even given then countless lessons (lectures might be more appropriate)on how to properly place dirty clothes, particularly socks and underwear, into the laundry basket instead of on the floor. Perhaps they thought that if they hid these things under the bed and in the toy drawers, I would think they were really listening to me and doing a good job with their laundry. Well, I have their number now, don't I? They just don't know that I know their secret yet.

5. Dishes from the kitchen. Another mystery solved: Where do all the spoons go? Apparently to the toy box. Why? That is another mystery altogether. This is another parental code violation because food is not allowed in the bedrooms.

6. Empty applesauce containers, Go-gurt packages and various other food related garbage. It all relates to #5.

I think I am living with pigs. Sockless and underwearless pigs.

Bags O Trash

I have been sweeping and cleaning, organizing and purging things we will not need or do not fit. I have filled two large garbage bags, just in Peanut and Pumpkin Head's room alone. And I still have some sorting and packing of toys left to do.

I'm just shaking my head. So much junk. I won't get all philosophical on the state of consumerism and waste. I think it will make me cry instead of making me rejoice in the decreasing amount of clutter in my home.

And since it is only Friday, my large trash can is already filled to the brim and I have bags waiting in the garage. What am I going to do?

That will be my next mission.

Another one bites the dust...

So, BB and I were driving around to my appointments. I had two shots and a medication delivery to make and then we could spend the rest of the day at home. But he was feeling "perky". He has since added that word to his vocabulary. I was enjoying the time with him. He was telling me jokes and we were car dancing and laughing a lot.

Then my cell phone rang. I read the caller ID. Uh oh.

"This is the school nurse. I have Princess here in the office with a low grade temp, complaints of a scratchy throat and an upset tummy."

My good mood evaporated like an ice cube on a sunny day. And BB's plans for "seeing the city and going to library while hanging out with Mom" also evaporated. He began to sulk.

I told the nurse it would be an hour and a half before I could get there because I really had to get these shots done and meds delivered. I could tell she wasn't happy about it but what else could I do? Mom-guilt was kicking in. But Nurse duty was taking precendence. Once my Nurse obligations were completed, I would be able to kick back into full Mom gear and take care of my daughter. Thank goodness for cell phones because I was able to drive and call to get her a throat culture for the afternoon.

By the time I picked her up, her temp has gone up to 101.3. She looked miserable. Poor thing. And her throat culture....Flaming Red Positive. Guess what I will be doing on Friday?

Another sick day. My stomach is in knots about it but there isn't anything I can do about it but roll with the punches. She is sick, she can't go to school. She needs her Mom. Mom duty will prevail over nurse duty. My co-workers will sort out my client's needs and deligate my tasks for Friday.

A few months ago, Fridays used to be my light day. But over the past month, Fridays have become one of my busiest days with back to back appointments. I am thinking I need to make some adjustments and spread some of that out a little more. Although being busy on Friday afternoon, does make the time go faster and I don't look at the clock as much, counting down the hours til "quittin' time".

I am moving in a few weeks, so this extra time at home is giving me the chance to do some "packing and purging" and with the boys gone today, I can attack their room with vicious attention! They will likely not notice anything missing. But the clutter ratio will decrease.

Sick Days...Round 2

Last night, BB began to complain about his throat hurting. I tried to ignore him. Ignorance is bliss, right? Then he told me he felt weak and even began to crawl along the floor because his legs felt so tired.

My stomach did a swan dive to my toes when he told me he had a headache.

"Not again! I can't do this again. No NO NO NO NO NO..." I wrestled all night with what I should do. I was so torn. I missed 3 days of work last week. And now it looked like I would miss more work again. I can't in good conscience send him to school knowing he is probably contagious with strept just because I don't want to miss work again and I am worried about my own work reputation and performance review. I can't NOT take him to the doctor when I know he needs antibiotics. But but but.... I had a silent adult temper tantrum inside my head.

My sitter happens to be taking care of her sick mother and so my Dad has been taking care of Peanut this week, so that alleviated some of my dilemna. And I began to sort through and prioritize my day and realized that what I had to get done and the clients I needed to see could be seen in the first half of the day. So, when I got to work, I talked to my supervisor and told her what was happening and what I would be doing for the rest of the day. I got a hold of my clients and took care of what I needed to for today and tomorrow. I got an appointment for BB at 12:30. Everything clicked into place.

Can I just say that I really have a wonderful job? Granted I am burning sick time but my clients are taken care of today and my work is done. I will be a little behind in my documentation but that is something I can catch up on fairly quickly.

And BB's strept test? Flaming Red Positive.

Not Quite Grand Larceny

In January, I hit a two year anniversary with my cell phone and got to upgrade. I was so excited to pick out a new phone. I picked out one I liked based on color, I will admit. It's a shiny pinkish/purple. It's also a flip phone and does have an element of coolness to it. It is also so slim, that is slips into my pocket and is hardly noticable. However, when it is set to vibrate, it still sends me 3 feet off the floor. I just can't get used to that.

There are other features to the phone that I really don't care about. It can surf the net, download my email, ringtones and music. Not interested. However, the coolness of my phone was way too tempting for BB and I began to notice that there were times when I couldn't find my phone. I would drive myself crazy thinking that I had misplaced it. It has happened so it is not out of character but when day after day I have been absolutely positive that I put it on the charger on the counter in the kitchen and I KNOW I saw it there a few minutes ago and then I come back and it's gone...It's a little freaky.

In a less than calm manner, I would call out, "Where is my phone?" And sure enough BB would say, "OH, I saw it in the laundry room." I know I did not put it in there. So I started to wise up and started to watch him. He would walk to the laundry room and then come back and hand me the phone. But one day I caught him walking to the laundry room with my phone in his hand saying sweetly, "I'll get it." He's a smart kid but not real bright some times.

Then one day, I was scrambling around looking for it and wracking my brain. He was laying on the couch saying "I haven't seen your phone. Really. I haven't." But I was sure I had it on the counter before I went up to the bathroom. Finally, I went over and pulled the blanket off of him and did a little frisk. My phone was in his pocket.

LIVID only scratches the surface. The irony on that day is that the school bus came early and the kids missed it. He had been goofing around with the settings on my phone so much that he had turned down the volume so when he tried to call me, I didn't hear it. So he had to call my Dad, which was good. He was resourceful and they got to school on time. HOwever, I told him that had he not been playing with my phone, I would have heard him calling. But also, what if I had not been able to find it and had gone to work without it and he needed to get a hold of me, then what?

Today, I got a text message saying that my phone bill is ready to view and I saw the amount and just about screamed or something else. This kid has been uploading or downloading (whatever) games and ringtones onto my phone to the tune of $98.

Needless to say, we had a little chat. He will be working this off for quite some time. And he is grounded from the computer until his debt is paid. I told him that this is stealing because he not only continued to take my phone without permission but he charged things onto my phone without permission and now I have to pay for it. Once it sank in, he stomped off to his room. Later, he told me that I am no fun. I guess my work here is done.

After this conversation, I shut my door and called my cell phone company to see if there was any way that I could reduce the charges. I figured it was worth a shot, right? The guy I talked to was really understanding and he looked at what was uploaded and told me it was games and ring tones. I explained that my son has ADHD and my cool phone is too tempting to him. He said he could reduce the charges by about $40. I told him what my son was going to do to repay this, and that he would be repaying the full amount, even though I was getting it reduced. He started laughing when I told him I was sitting in my room with the door shut. He was the one who came up with the term Larceny.

It fits. I am very pleased with my cell phone company for working this out with me. I think they were very reasonable. They really did not have to reduce any of the charges but I am so glad they did!

BB came up to me and asked me what he could do tomorrow to begin paying this off. I think the part of his consequence that he is the most bothered by is the lack of access to the computer. And if it gets his attention, then it is the right consequence.

Sick Day #3

My son PH is the elementary school version of Typhoid Mary. He didn't have a fever yesterday. I had "diagnosed" him with croup which occurs only at night. So I sent him off to school. He was perfectly willing to go as well. Later in the day, I got an email from my clinic saying that his overnight strept culture was POSITIVE. Uh oh. Then I got a call from the nurse saying he needs an antibiotic and where did I want it sent. By this time, the day was over at school and other kids were already infected.

In my head I am imagining him going about his day and talking with his friends and alls these little strept bugs flying out of his mouth and landing on the other children. I have a very active imagination and a very guilty conscience. The school nurse made me feel better and said I followed all the school protocol. I kept him home after his fever and when he was 24 hours fever free, he went back to school. I didn't knowingly send him to school with strep. I thought he was negative. That did help my guilt a little.

Poor little man is home today though, looking miserable. He has a fever again. Wet the bed again, for the 3rd night in a row. He is lethargic and glassy-eyed. So a quiet day on the couch with full control of the TV remote is what he is getting. He is watching re-runs of Tom and Jerry cartoons on Boomerang. It is far less annoying to me than other cartoons because at least it is a musical score behind it.

I am no longer running with the bulls but I still don't feel real well. I am very tired and my legs feel shaky and weak. So I must have some sort of virus as well but probably not strept. I haven't had a fever. Just the other lower GI symptoms and fatigue. So, a low key day at home will be good for me too. Thankfully, I didn't have anything booked at work..just meetings and I can always get filled in later on anything pertinent.

The Running of the Bulls is not in Spain

I am now on sick day #2 this week. Monday night was school conferences and I looked over at my little 6.5 yo PH. He looked glassy-eyed. I felt his head, the back of his neck...Uh oh. Burning up. In the morning he complained of a headache and a scratchy throat. Mom, RN wondered about it being strept throat. Fortunately, Peanut had a doctor appt already scheduled for his 5 yo check-up, bummer for him in that it included two shots. So, I got both boys looked at. The strept culture was negative. Whew! And PH was feeling better.

In the evening, Grandma came over for dinner and Peanut didn't want to eat, which is very unusual for him. I felt his forhead, back of the neck and he was burning up. I checked his temp. 103.4. Groan. It could be the immunizations he got but that is a little high for that, I thought. Looks like another sick day, I thought to myself.

Sometime before midnight, Peanut crept into bed with me and when he put his feet on me, they were like blazing hot irons with toes. Yup. Sick day tomorrow and I rubbed his back and went back to sleep. A while later, I was awoken to the sound of a strangled seal barking from the next bedroom. PH was coughing and crying and had wet the bed. Poor little guy.

I clicked quickly back into Mom, RN brain, which takes a little longer after midnight and after being awoken from a deep comatose sleep, and realized that this is croup. Purely viral but very distressing. I cleaned him up and then turned the shower on to the hottest setting and put PH in the bathroom to breath in the moist, hot vapors. Sure enough, after about 10 minutes, the coughing quieted down and he began to relax and was able to go to bed and fall back to sleep.

If only I could be just Mom, RN. Alas, I have clients in the community who need my services too. So I am torn. I already had to reschedule two clients from yesterday. And since I am the only nurse in the office, my co-workers can watch clients set up meds but they can't physically touch the meds. I have clients who cannot set up their medications on their own. Those would be the clients I need to see today. Sigh.

My solution then is to go in to the office for an hour, set up 4 medication boxes and then ask the case managers to deliver the meds for me. Seems reasonable. My son will be able to come with me. He will enjoy seeing my cubicle and if I give him some scratch paper, he can entertain himself and color for a while. I also have Skittles in my desk. Today is a day that calls for Bribery.

However, what I did not count on was to wake up in the morning to find myself sick. My challenge was getting everybody else ready for school while I was running back and forth to the bathroom and being unable to leave for extended periods of time because of the twisting of my insides and the "end results" from such twisting of the gut. I don't want to go anywhere. But duty is calling.

Tonight is also Boat-a-Rama at church and Pumpkin head has been looking forward to this night for 6 weeks. Princess has invited a friend to church and they are going to be making homemade ice cream as a special treat for their program. And I am running with the bulls...to the white throne.

Not a good day for the Mom. Or Mom, RN. Or Tulip, RN either.

Broken

This post will not be light and funny. It's not the place I am in tonight. I have been through the wringer this week but I think I finally let it out. I also feel like this "Broken Place" is right where God wants me. I feel Him telling me "Good...NOW I can work with you." I had to let go of a lot of junk that has been holding me back. I have been holding me back.

I ended a 2 year relationship/engagement. It's been almost 2 months now since I broke things off. I am at peace about it. It was the right thing to do. My only regret is that I didn't see the warning signs sooner. Actually, I saw them but I ignored them. Sort of like running a run light. My Mom has put me on a "Man-atorium" or what I dub "dating rehab". It's not such a bad idea. I don't seem to do a real good job of picking men. I think I get caught up in feeling lonely and aching for a mate that I rush into things without stopping to think. My fortune cookie on Friday said "You wear your heart on your sleeve". To that I said, "Duhhh". What I am doing during my Rehab is NOT looking for a man and taking a good hard look at the choices I have made and why I made them. I'm a pretty analytical person, so I am analyzing myself about why I do the silly stuff I do when it comes to relationships. It's tough stuff. It's hard because the deepest part of me really longs for a marriage like I see with my parents and some of my friends at church. But what my previous failed relationships have severly lacked has been friendship first. I rushed in with my heart first and then all of a sudden, Whoooaaaa...this is not a person who is good for me and I don't think I even like him.

So, that is one part that has been broken. I have to give that desire and longing over to the Lord. I need to daily, even hourly, or maybe minute by minute, give Him my desire to marry again.

I have also realized in this self analysis that I don't make good decisions when I am feeling desperate. That includes relationships, finances, budgeting or how I spend my time. This has been the biggest revelation to me this week. I was panicking a little this week because I thought that I should buy a house. I even found a really cute one, put in an offer and then woke up in a cold sweat after having a dream where my mother told me "It's too much..." so I recinded the offer. Then I talked with a mortgage guy about my credit report and even though my score is fine, there are things I need to clean up and this sent me realing and panicking. So once again, I start this cycle of "all or nothing" and "end of the world" thinking.

The result was a lot of headaches and a twisted knot in my stomach for several days. And I realized that I needed to slow way down. But it is ok. It may be the best thing for me, just like dating rehab, to step back and continue to rent for a year or so, work on cleaning up my finances, evaluate some of my bad habits that mess me up.

But it broke me. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed that I had let my finances spin out of control, or what felt out of control to me. I felt embarrassed that I had stayed in an unhealthy and abusive relationship for far too long because I was to scared to be alone. But God's word says that God does not give us a spirit of fear but of power and of a strong mind. So, that fear and the shame, embarrassment are not of God. God wants me to confess my lack of faith and my lack of dependence upon Him. I think He has used all these really difficult circumstances to break down these strongholds in my life, these little walls I built because I think I can handle my life better than the One who knows every hair on my head and who has known me before I was knit together in my mother's womb. I realized today, I know nothing. But knowing that I know nothing is not making me feel weak. That is what is surprising. I stood in the shower and I cried, I confessed my sins and my poor choices and I am asking the Lord to take over and lead me. And now I feel calm and no longer scared.

Now the Lord can work with me. Because I am broken.