Fall 2008 Lecture Series

It’s that time of year where my Parenting Lecture Series needs to be revised, improved or added unto. This is the first installment, and maybe the last at this time. I haven't decided yet.

Bathroom Etiquette
or “Why Boys Need to Consider the Needs of Girls”
The following is an excerpt from this lecture:
“I expect a few rules of etiquette and general “niceness” to be followed in regards to the use of the bathroom. First of all, the purpose of the bathroom needs to be mentioned. It is not a playground, although if you take a bath you may play in the water as long as you do not aggressively splash water all over the floor. And a bath is a solo activity in which your brother does not need to participate in and you may ask him, politely, to leave the room until you are finished. The sink and the mirror are for the purposes of cleanliness and good grooming, not for seeing how high you can spray Mom’s hairspray nor how full the sink can get before the water begins to splash out through that little hole at the top. Towels are for drying and should not be used as blankets for stuffed animals and washcloths need to be used for washing, not as pillows for the same stuffed animals. The same can be said for pillowcases, place mats and other items of interest in the linen closet.
Second, let’s discuss privacy. When you are using the bathroom, you need privacy and expect that others will acknowledge that a closed door is a strong indicator that the bathroom is indeed in use. If you don’t want to be bothered by others who need to wash their hands or brush their teeth or even create bubbles in the sink, then please close the door. This is particularly important in regards to the bathroom in the kitchen. Do I need to mention the use of the bathroom during a meal in which the bathroom door is left open and all of us at the table must endure the sounds coming from within, which are neither polite nor appetizing? The solution is simple: Close the door.
And if you see a door closed, consider the room occupied. Should you need to use this room, apply a gentle knock to the door as an inquiry. If there is no answer, then by all means proceed, but perhaps with caution in case your knock was a bit too gentle. If the occupant did not hear you and is surprised by your presence, please politely avert your eyes and apologize while backing up and exiting, pulling the door closed behind you. It would also be nice if you would wait patiently and not yell out, “Are you done yet?” Some activities cannot be hurried nor should the process be short-cutted for the sake of the impatience of those on the other side of the door. May I also remind you that we do have two bathrooms and that there are no “monsters” in the kitchen even if no one else is downstairs, so feel free to check the availability of both rooms before exercising your impatience.
Third, this part pertains mainly to the young gentlemen in the house who have the means to utilize the commode while standing. It is important to focus on the task at hand, and not be so hurried that you “miss”. Nor should you go off into a daydream in which you lose track of your target. This is also not a time for you to see how far away you can stand and “still make it in” because you will never contain all of it in doing so.
I also feel I need to mention again that it would be very nice if you would also lift the seat up first and put it back down when you are finished. The females in the house thank you for doing so and also get very upset when you don’t and they come across a cold, wet seat. And the thought of what they just sat upon gives them the “heebie jeebies”.
So, let me offer you a little instruction: stand close enough to the commode that your knees touch the bowl, focus upon the pool of water inside and aim for the hole at the bottom. If you do dribble, it’s OK but please wipe it up. Don’t forget to flush and wash your hands. Did you remember to put the seat back down?
A warning to the boys who forget these simple instructions, you will spend time cleaning the toilet and the area surrounding daily it until you begin to understand why this is so icky to clean when you are sloppy. And the reason the bathroom “always stinks” is because of your sloppiness or carelessness with your activity. A little more concentration and extra effort put in to the small details will make the cleanliness of the bathroom, as well as the aroma, much more pleasant for all the behold (And not to mention a Mom who will be very happy and less irritated).