I believe that I have jumped the final hurdle in my transition to a full-fledged community mental health nurse. I have been working at this job for a year and 3 months. Today, I was fired by my first client. The other case managers have told stories about being fired by their clients but I have sat, sadly, on the sidelines, wondering if I should congratulate myself for having escaped this event or should I consider that I have not yet been fully embraced into the fold of my field.
To be honest, I was not at all surprised that this client fired me. She has been unhappy since the day we met and I have been unable to do anything good in her eyes since that day. She finds fault with everything I do...I'm not on time, even if I call to say that I am behind schedule. She gets paranoid about her medications and makes phone call after phone call putting everyone in a panic about it. I have walked out of every visit feeling like I must be an absolute idiot who is completely inept at my job.
Yesterday, I was scheduled to see her at 3pm but one of my early appointments needed a lot of time to talk things through. She suffers from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and is hitting an anniversary of her trauma. This lead to a back up into my next appointment and then into the appointment with this client who fired me. I called to tell her I would be about half an hour late. Apparently, I was 5 minutes too late from that because by the time I got to her apartment, she refused to answer the door.
When I got to work this morning, she left me a harsh message telling me that it was now past 3:30, her daughter set up her meds and there would be no need for me to come out ever again. Or in other words, I was fired. I called her case manager who was not surprised and felt she was probably next in line to be fired too. That made me feel better. And I really was not feeling all that bad.
I told my supervisor about it and she said, "Well, how do you feel about that?" And I told her that I felt OK. I didn't take it personally because she had never been happy with me and it was bound to happen sooner or later. Then I said, "Now this means I am really a part of the team. I'm not sitting on the bench."
There is a part of me that does struggle a bit because I want to be liked. I want my clients to like me and to have a good relationship with them. I don't want them to feel annoyed with me or end the therapeutic relationship on a sour note. However, from a personal standpoint, I have come a long way because I have thickened up my skin and I don't feel like it was a real personal thing. It happens. It's part of the job. I can't and won't make everyone happy all of the time.
Later in the day, another client of mine "paid" me with a mini Snicker's and a diet Coke. Clearly, I am not a bad nurse to all my clients.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Lego Party...My place...2:30am...Shhhhh
To say that my boys are Lego Fanatics is an understatement. They have compiled a wish list of items they would like to add to their growing collection of Legos. They want all the Indiana Jones sets, the Spongebob collection and the Starwars collection but they also like the castles with the knights and catapults.
I just shake my head because what it means for me is more pieces to step on in the middle of the night when I am walking down the stairs and at times I need a shovel to get to the couch because they insist that they must spread out all the legos in order to find the pieces they need. I don't disagree with them on that point. My bone of contention is that they don't then put them back in the box. Then there are the Lego battles over who has more "guys" and poor Peanut who never has the little Lego people to play with because his brothers need them all for their elaborate Storm trooper battles, only they don't have many actual storm troopers so other figures get recruited into battle, not unlike the real military!
I do love to watch them focus on what they are building and listen to their stories as they narrate the scenes they are building. Peanut likes to build airplanes with "Mote Controls" and then make them do stunts or crash into the couch. It is one of the things that makes Legos one of the best toys ever invented because it really does fuel the imagination and creativity abounds.
However, some times I would like there to be a little LESS creativity and imagination abounding. Or at least to have better hours.
Last night, BB and P-He4 tried to convince me that "building with legos helps us fall asleep". Right..and I was also born yesterday and just fell off the turnip truck. Try again...Turn out the light and go to sleep.
Every time I turned away from their view, they switched their light on and were back at it again, building and building. I quit counting how many times I turned off the light. I finally went to bed because I could not keep my eyes open another minute. I figured sleep would win eventually and I would find them in a heap on the floor with legos tightly grasped in each hand and the imprints of little round dots on their cheeks. I decided I could live with it. It's summer.
At some point during the night, I woke up because of an odd noise or a light going on in the bathroom. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2:57...AM!!!
BOYS! It is too late to be up playing with legos. Get in bed and go to sleep.
I clumsily stumbled back to bed. My alarm blared at 5:30. I ignored it until I couldn't any longer. When it was time to wake up my kids and get them ready to leave for the babysitter, I noticed that there was one boy missing. I went down stairs and found him sprawled on the couch. On the dining room table, he had opened two large cans of peaches. But what I could not figure out was why there were 3 spoons?
When I woke up P-He4, I said to him, "I bet you are really tired after your late night Lego Party."
He answered, "It wasn't a party."
I love the concrete thinking of children. But I beg to differ. It was a party. There was more than one in attendance. They had entertainment. And they had food. And they did it behind their mother's back. Sounds like a party to me. A very benign party. And a kind of party I can live with.
But I will tell you...there are some very tired boys at my house today!
I just shake my head because what it means for me is more pieces to step on in the middle of the night when I am walking down the stairs and at times I need a shovel to get to the couch because they insist that they must spread out all the legos in order to find the pieces they need. I don't disagree with them on that point. My bone of contention is that they don't then put them back in the box. Then there are the Lego battles over who has more "guys" and poor Peanut who never has the little Lego people to play with because his brothers need them all for their elaborate Storm trooper battles, only they don't have many actual storm troopers so other figures get recruited into battle, not unlike the real military!
I do love to watch them focus on what they are building and listen to their stories as they narrate the scenes they are building. Peanut likes to build airplanes with "Mote Controls" and then make them do stunts or crash into the couch. It is one of the things that makes Legos one of the best toys ever invented because it really does fuel the imagination and creativity abounds.
However, some times I would like there to be a little LESS creativity and imagination abounding. Or at least to have better hours.
Last night, BB and P-He4 tried to convince me that "building with legos helps us fall asleep". Right..and I was also born yesterday and just fell off the turnip truck. Try again...Turn out the light and go to sleep.
Every time I turned away from their view, they switched their light on and were back at it again, building and building. I quit counting how many times I turned off the light. I finally went to bed because I could not keep my eyes open another minute. I figured sleep would win eventually and I would find them in a heap on the floor with legos tightly grasped in each hand and the imprints of little round dots on their cheeks. I decided I could live with it. It's summer.
At some point during the night, I woke up because of an odd noise or a light going on in the bathroom. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 2:57...AM!!!
BOYS! It is too late to be up playing with legos. Get in bed and go to sleep.
I clumsily stumbled back to bed. My alarm blared at 5:30. I ignored it until I couldn't any longer. When it was time to wake up my kids and get them ready to leave for the babysitter, I noticed that there was one boy missing. I went down stairs and found him sprawled on the couch. On the dining room table, he had opened two large cans of peaches. But what I could not figure out was why there were 3 spoons?
When I woke up P-He4, I said to him, "I bet you are really tired after your late night Lego Party."
He answered, "It wasn't a party."
I love the concrete thinking of children. But I beg to differ. It was a party. There was more than one in attendance. They had entertainment. And they had food. And they did it behind their mother's back. Sounds like a party to me. A very benign party. And a kind of party I can live with.
But I will tell you...there are some very tired boys at my house today!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Protected
I witnessed something absolutely amazing today. It was scary too but when it was all said and done, I could do nothing but sit back and praise the Lord, for He is good.
I took my kids to church today, like I do every Sunday. MN Teen Challenge came to do the service so it was a full house. My parents and I decided to sit off in this room with a TV instead of try to find a seat in the sanctuary. I think this was the first of several Divine Interventions.
My kids went to Sunday School and then suddenly, the door opened and my friend Tricia motioned for me to come out. She looked frantic so I was immediately afraid something had happened to one of my kids. Instead what she told me just about dropped the floor from beneath me almost as much. She told me that NY had just walked in to church. She then told me that she would go to the Sunday school room and tell the leader to keep my kids there until I came for them and no one else.
I walked back to my seat and whispered in my Mom's ear what was going on and then collapsed into my chair, shaking and uncertain what I should do. I did the only thing I knew I could do for certain and that was to pray. I asked for protection for me, and for my kids. I asked that if I did have to meet him, that I would not be alone.
When Tricia came back to tell me that my kids were OK and taken care of, I had tears rolling down my cheeks and she just hugged me and wiped a tear off my cheek. I thanked her again and went back to sit down. I tried to listen to the service and the music. I did really enjoy the songs that were sung. They hit me right where I was.
A while later, two male friends of mine came in to tell me that they had seen NY out in the parking lot and then driving around the church. For a while he was at the video store across the street. They walked over to the store and he quickly got in his car and drove off. This really scared me because I knew for certain that he had come to my church looking for me. It wasn't about worshiping God. He was trying to find me.
Jon asked me if I would like the police called and that perhaps if there was an officer in the parking lot, I would feel safer. He said, "You should not have to come to church and feel afraid." I agreed. My Dad went out and watched for NY as well. I talked with a dispatcher and gave her a description of his car and of him. She told me that an officer would be arriving soon but if he were to enter the building to go ahead and call 911.
I told my story to a police officer. My Dad was with me, for moral support as well as to verify his intimidation and threats. I also had one of the pastor's with me as well. Sometime during the midst of all of this, the tears stopped and the fear subsided and a peace that I can't explain filled me. I felt the Lord speak to me and tell me, "He is just a man but I am God. You are OK."
By the time I left church, he was gone. The police officer suggested to me that I get an order for No Contact. I think that is a very good idea. But I also know that no piece of paper will protect me the way that my heavenly Father protects me and did protect me today.
I took my kids to church today, like I do every Sunday. MN Teen Challenge came to do the service so it was a full house. My parents and I decided to sit off in this room with a TV instead of try to find a seat in the sanctuary. I think this was the first of several Divine Interventions.
My kids went to Sunday School and then suddenly, the door opened and my friend Tricia motioned for me to come out. She looked frantic so I was immediately afraid something had happened to one of my kids. Instead what she told me just about dropped the floor from beneath me almost as much. She told me that NY had just walked in to church. She then told me that she would go to the Sunday school room and tell the leader to keep my kids there until I came for them and no one else.
I walked back to my seat and whispered in my Mom's ear what was going on and then collapsed into my chair, shaking and uncertain what I should do. I did the only thing I knew I could do for certain and that was to pray. I asked for protection for me, and for my kids. I asked that if I did have to meet him, that I would not be alone.
When Tricia came back to tell me that my kids were OK and taken care of, I had tears rolling down my cheeks and she just hugged me and wiped a tear off my cheek. I thanked her again and went back to sit down. I tried to listen to the service and the music. I did really enjoy the songs that were sung. They hit me right where I was.
A while later, two male friends of mine came in to tell me that they had seen NY out in the parking lot and then driving around the church. For a while he was at the video store across the street. They walked over to the store and he quickly got in his car and drove off. This really scared me because I knew for certain that he had come to my church looking for me. It wasn't about worshiping God. He was trying to find me.
Jon asked me if I would like the police called and that perhaps if there was an officer in the parking lot, I would feel safer. He said, "You should not have to come to church and feel afraid." I agreed. My Dad went out and watched for NY as well. I talked with a dispatcher and gave her a description of his car and of him. She told me that an officer would be arriving soon but if he were to enter the building to go ahead and call 911.
I told my story to a police officer. My Dad was with me, for moral support as well as to verify his intimidation and threats. I also had one of the pastor's with me as well. Sometime during the midst of all of this, the tears stopped and the fear subsided and a peace that I can't explain filled me. I felt the Lord speak to me and tell me, "He is just a man but I am God. You are OK."
By the time I left church, he was gone. The police officer suggested to me that I get an order for No Contact. I think that is a very good idea. But I also know that no piece of paper will protect me the way that my heavenly Father protects me and did protect me today.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Itchy Bugs
The season of illness has not yet left us. The Fifth disease epidemic has indeed struck all 5 of us. Peanut and BB seemed to have gotten the worst of the rash. Poor peanut has been so very itchy this week. I got a little alarmed when he began to itch so severely that he would cry and sometimes be on the verge of screaming. Nothing I did seemed to help. I doped him up with Benadryl, slathered him with Aloe Vera, lotions with lidocaine, rubbed and rubbed his back, gave him cool baths and we were all so frustrated that we were at each other's throats. And Peanut remained miserable...and itchy. So, feeling defeated, I called the doctor and asked to speak to the nurse. I relayed everything I had done for the little guy. The nurse told me that the doctor wanted to see him because Fifth's should not be this itchy and I had done everything they would have suggested to me.
When we got to the doctor, he was not scratching too much because, bless his little heart, he was trying so hard to follow my directions to "not scratch" and try to distract himself. But I could tell that he was ready to jump out of his skin. Then the doctor looked him over and there was no sign of the Fifth's rash anywhere and yet Peanut is squirming with what he has now declared as "Itchy bugs". The doc looked in his throat and saw it was a little red and his glands were a little swollen. So he did a rapid strep test.
Positive! I was actually relieved that it was positive because at least I could give him something and I know that within a day or two he is going to feel a whole lot better. I was bracing myself for the doctor to tell me that it was just Fifth's and we were going to have to "ride it out" and keep on doing what I was doing for this poor, itchy kid.
He was really cute at the pharmacy when he asked, "Is it good medicine?" and then the pharmacist replies, "We only give good medicine. And you will feel better soon."
Then he says, "I have itchy bugs. I want them to go away."
While we were in the car driving home, we were talking about his medicine, which he insisted on carrying himself. I told him that he has little "bacteria bugs" inside his throat that were making him sick and making him so itchy but his antibiotic was going to make the "good guys" in his blood be able to kill the bugs and the itching will stop.
At dinner, he was relaying his version of my lesson on bacteria and white blood cells and medicine and apparently, it gave PH the creepy crawlies because he started scratching and leaped off the bench and said he was itchy and "I hate bugs!". I declared the conversation about the "Itchy bugs" to be finished.
When we got to the doctor, he was not scratching too much because, bless his little heart, he was trying so hard to follow my directions to "not scratch" and try to distract himself. But I could tell that he was ready to jump out of his skin. Then the doctor looked him over and there was no sign of the Fifth's rash anywhere and yet Peanut is squirming with what he has now declared as "Itchy bugs". The doc looked in his throat and saw it was a little red and his glands were a little swollen. So he did a rapid strep test.
Positive! I was actually relieved that it was positive because at least I could give him something and I know that within a day or two he is going to feel a whole lot better. I was bracing myself for the doctor to tell me that it was just Fifth's and we were going to have to "ride it out" and keep on doing what I was doing for this poor, itchy kid.
He was really cute at the pharmacy when he asked, "Is it good medicine?" and then the pharmacist replies, "We only give good medicine. And you will feel better soon."
Then he says, "I have itchy bugs. I want them to go away."
While we were in the car driving home, we were talking about his medicine, which he insisted on carrying himself. I told him that he has little "bacteria bugs" inside his throat that were making him sick and making him so itchy but his antibiotic was going to make the "good guys" in his blood be able to kill the bugs and the itching will stop.
At dinner, he was relaying his version of my lesson on bacteria and white blood cells and medicine and apparently, it gave PH the creepy crawlies because he started scratching and leaped off the bench and said he was itchy and "I hate bugs!". I declared the conversation about the "Itchy bugs" to be finished.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
The Kittens are now 2 1/2 weeks old. They have their eyes open. They are learning to stand but are still very wobbly. They squabble and wrestle but always sleep together in a heap. I believe that we have 4 females and 1 male. The males is the blackest one in the back although it is hard to tell in this picture for sure. The sweetie looking at the camera is the leading contender for our new pet. My daughter would like to name her Princess. BB wants to name her Sugar and Peanut wants to name her Cookie. I think perhaps we can accomodate everyone and call her Princess Sugar Cookie.Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Peanut's Bionicle Rules
My friend Jamsco will appreciate this as his kids are big fans of Bionicles. Peanut will not leave the house without his Bionicle this week. Today, I asked him about it. This is a replay of our conversation:
So, what is that thing?
Peanut: That's his claw. It's really big.
I see that. What does he do with it?
P: He fights with it and grabs things with it. Its really sharp and dangerous.
Who does he fight?
P: He fights the bad guy Bionicles.
How can you tell which are the good guys and which are the bad guys?
P: The bad guys are all black. That is what PH's is. Mine is the good guy.
What are they fighting for?
P: They are fighting battles.
Oh, and what are the battles for?
P: They get points.
What can they do with the points then?
P: They can get stuff like cookies. Things like that.
Don't you wish that real wars could be fought like that? The sides would earn points and then at the end of the battle, the side with the most points wins. Then they could cash in their points for cookies. The Middle East Peace settlement as described by a 5 year old.
So, what is that thing?
Peanut: That's his claw. It's really big.
I see that. What does he do with it?
P: He fights with it and grabs things with it. Its really sharp and dangerous.
Who does he fight?
P: He fights the bad guy Bionicles.
How can you tell which are the good guys and which are the bad guys?
P: The bad guys are all black. That is what PH's is. Mine is the good guy.
What are they fighting for?
P: They are fighting battles.
Oh, and what are the battles for?
P: They get points.
What can they do with the points then?
P: They can get stuff like cookies. Things like that.
Don't you wish that real wars could be fought like that? The sides would earn points and then at the end of the battle, the side with the most points wins. Then they could cash in their points for cookies. The Middle East Peace settlement as described by a 5 year old.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
The Tornado
I have gotten a lot of questions about this so I figured maybe I ought to write about it. The tornado that tore up Hugo, MN on Memorial weekend was very, very close to me. I haven't driven to the site because it is still being blocked off for gawking rubber neckers, like me. But I did visit the Hugo city website and take a look at the map of the area hit. I found my street and realized that according to that map, I'm an inch away from the worst of the tornado's destruction. Or within a mile. I have gotten many phone calls from the school district and the elementary school because of being within the "impacted zone" of the school and telling me about resources available if I need them.
I am really thankful that we were not home during that storm. It was scary watching it from a computer while up north in Motley, MN and wondering what I would be coming home to. My townhouse did not have anything more than some cursory damage due to the hail. The little tree in my yard looks a little bare but it will bounce back, I'm sure. However, many townhouses around me suffered broken windows and severe hail damage.
BB has a classmate who lost his whole house. Princess has a classmate who knows the family that lost the 2 year old. I think even PH said that one of his classmates lost their house too. So, while we were not directly impacted, it is something that will be etched in our memories for a long time.
In fact, last night, the sirens went off. I raced to the computer to see if it was another tornado coming and Princess, unbeknownst to me, hid under the dining room table. During dinner, we discussed what we should do in the event of a tornado and we have a game plan. I think that is a good thing to have come out of it. My children also took some of their money that they were saving and brought it to the school for a donation to the Hugo families. I was really touched by that.
I am so sad for the families in my area that lost their homes or have severe damage. My heart breaks for the Prindle family who lost one child and have another in serious condition. I hold my children tighter because of that. I am also praising the Lord that we escaped the worst of it but I am acutely aware that it was by a mere hair. It is food for thought.
I am really thankful that we were not home during that storm. It was scary watching it from a computer while up north in Motley, MN and wondering what I would be coming home to. My townhouse did not have anything more than some cursory damage due to the hail. The little tree in my yard looks a little bare but it will bounce back, I'm sure. However, many townhouses around me suffered broken windows and severe hail damage.
BB has a classmate who lost his whole house. Princess has a classmate who knows the family that lost the 2 year old. I think even PH said that one of his classmates lost their house too. So, while we were not directly impacted, it is something that will be etched in our memories for a long time.
In fact, last night, the sirens went off. I raced to the computer to see if it was another tornado coming and Princess, unbeknownst to me, hid under the dining room table. During dinner, we discussed what we should do in the event of a tornado and we have a game plan. I think that is a good thing to have come out of it. My children also took some of their money that they were saving and brought it to the school for a donation to the Hugo families. I was really touched by that.
I am so sad for the families in my area that lost their homes or have severe damage. My heart breaks for the Prindle family who lost one child and have another in serious condition. I hold my children tighter because of that. I am also praising the Lord that we escaped the worst of it but I am acutely aware that it was by a mere hair. It is food for thought.
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