I have recently increased my awareness of gossip and just how rampant it is. This past week, I was an active player in a situation that was ripe for the gossip grapevine. And thanks to some very wise counsel, I was prepared for the "well-meaning" concern and questions people had for me.
Someone in the office had a medication reaction and I was asked to make an assessment and determine what the next step should be. I was proud to be asked to do this and that my opinion was valued in this manner. I made my assessment and the person went to the hospital and consequently was out for about a week.
My supervisor is very saavy and wise to the goings-on in the office and was very sensitive to how "tongues wag". She left me a voice-mail and cautioned me that people might ask me what happened but I needed to respect the person's privacy and offer no information other than the person "didn't feel well".
For several days, i was expecting someone to ask me what happened. Nobody did. Whew! I was prepared but didn't need to use my preparation. Then I was driving with a coworker to an appointment when out of the blue, I was asked, "So, were you here when so-and-so went off on so-and-so....I heard that ..........."
Whoa!
In my head, warning bells were going off, sort of like that loud buzzer when security has been breached in a movie....but I heard "GOSSIP....GOSSIP....GOSSIP" in my head. I quietly, listened while taking a deep breath. I had the tantilizing information my companion wanted. It was a really strong temptation. Truly, the information that came to me in this conversation was new to me so I could honestly say, "I had not heard that."
But my heart was not content to just dismiss this attempt to gossip. So, I said, "I don't know what happened and I guess it really is her story to share, if she wants to." And with that, the conversation shifted to another topic.
It made me think about how many times I have been in a conversation like this and have not been made aware ahead of time that the tempation to gossip was coming, and I have succumbed. I don't think I can ever do that again without thinking about this scenario I experience and realizing that the power I had was to either further the rumor-mill and contribute to malicious gossip or I could protect the privacy of the other party as best I could and keep the information under my hat.
I hope that I can continue to grow in this area.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Out of the Loop
This is how I felt all week. Out of the Loop. Important decisions that impacted my job and all that I do at work were made around me and I was the last to know. Very frustrating.
I took two days of vacation last week and then I had a mandatory training on Monday so I was out of the office for 3 work days. Needless to say, coming to work on Tuesday morning was a rather frantic affair. And if my head was not already spinning with all the I had to try and fit in, my sitter called and said my 8 yo was throwing up and needed to be picked up right away. I had 6 client visits booked, 3 meetings and 12 phone calls to return. And then, I learn of the plans laid for my job.
There are now 2 mental health nurses working for the county. I work in the north office, she works in the southern office. but there are 3 teams. I have clients on all 3 teams. I was curious how we were going to divide the work load. I had already discussed my ideas with my supervisor. But all of a sudden I get calls from case managers saying that they are going to refer their clients to another organization for skilled nursing.
I was scratching my head, trying to figure it all out. I am not really upset by the changes. In fact, I am fine with it because it will help free up time for me to do some of the things I would like to do like going out with the intake team and making assessments of new referrals and being able to bring the medical component to the full picture of each client. What I am bothered by is the way that these changes were made and the lack of information I was given.
But, by the end of the week, I got over it. And I did survive the chaos. My fiance' was able to pick up my boys, one was already home because he had a fever, and then one threw up and one looked like he might, but never did. I was able to meet with the clients I needed to or schedule them for the next day. All things got finished and the time went by very fast.
If this is how it is after I take 2 days vacation, what is it going to be like if I take a week? I shudder at the thought but having a week off sounds positively divine.
Another blessing occured at the end of the week. I had my clincial supervision with a psychologist. It's like "work therapy". And she was really good at helping me sort out my head in light of all these changes and she has really given me a lot of positive feedback and direction for my role on the teams I am on. I went home on Friday, feeling less burdened and more ready to face the next challenges and hopefully, I will find a way to better stay in the loop.
I took two days of vacation last week and then I had a mandatory training on Monday so I was out of the office for 3 work days. Needless to say, coming to work on Tuesday morning was a rather frantic affair. And if my head was not already spinning with all the I had to try and fit in, my sitter called and said my 8 yo was throwing up and needed to be picked up right away. I had 6 client visits booked, 3 meetings and 12 phone calls to return. And then, I learn of the plans laid for my job.
There are now 2 mental health nurses working for the county. I work in the north office, she works in the southern office. but there are 3 teams. I have clients on all 3 teams. I was curious how we were going to divide the work load. I had already discussed my ideas with my supervisor. But all of a sudden I get calls from case managers saying that they are going to refer their clients to another organization for skilled nursing.
I was scratching my head, trying to figure it all out. I am not really upset by the changes. In fact, I am fine with it because it will help free up time for me to do some of the things I would like to do like going out with the intake team and making assessments of new referrals and being able to bring the medical component to the full picture of each client. What I am bothered by is the way that these changes were made and the lack of information I was given.
But, by the end of the week, I got over it. And I did survive the chaos. My fiance' was able to pick up my boys, one was already home because he had a fever, and then one threw up and one looked like he might, but never did. I was able to meet with the clients I needed to or schedule them for the next day. All things got finished and the time went by very fast.
If this is how it is after I take 2 days vacation, what is it going to be like if I take a week? I shudder at the thought but having a week off sounds positively divine.
Another blessing occured at the end of the week. I had my clincial supervision with a psychologist. It's like "work therapy". And she was really good at helping me sort out my head in light of all these changes and she has really given me a lot of positive feedback and direction for my role on the teams I am on. I went home on Friday, feeling less burdened and more ready to face the next challenges and hopefully, I will find a way to better stay in the loop.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
A Tragedy in my own backyard...
Sheepishly, I will confess that I had NO CLUE about the collapse of the I35 bridge over the Mississippi that occurred last night. I can blame the fact that I do not have TV reception and thus I am out of the loop. But when I heard about it while driving in to work this morning, my heart was no less broken than had I heard the news last night or watched the live feed coming across the air waves. In some ways, I am rather glad I didn't watch the news. I have been able to digest and process the horrible tragedy at my own pace and in my own way.
I have driven over that bridge more times than I can count. And I have never once felt in danger. I imagine that people on their way home last night didn't give it a second thought either and then they hit the water. To me, as I discussed it with my fiance, it was rather a poignant illustration of living by faith. I just trust that the corp of engineers that designed this bridge and the numerous folks that have had a part in its repair, know what they are doing. And I blindly assume when I am driving down any road, I am fairly safe in terms of the asphalt or concrete beneath me, barring the phenomenon of "pot holes" and I am more wary of my cohorts driving along with me.
I was more suspicious and cautious today then I have been in a long time. I drove over several bridges and overpasses today and that thought crossed my mind more times than I care to count. IN my discussion with my fiance, New York, we discussed that life is fragile and we don't know when we are going to go. But we both feel like we have more work to do on this earth, but if the Lord called us, we would certainly go willingly and happily to heaven. I am grateful for that assurance at least as I ponder life's uncertainties.
I think what I am most humbled by today is that while this tragedy was unfolding, unbeknownst to me, I was focused upon my own pain and suffering. I will say that I have good reason to be focused on that. Today marks the 5 year anniversary of the day my marriage blew apart and my life changed completely. I was grieving last night. I was ruminating in my head about a friendship that while it is not ending, it has changed and we have moved on and out of each other's lives. I realized this when she hadn't told me until I called her a few weeks ago, that she was very pregnant with her #4. I was a little sad that I didn't get a phone call with that bit of news. And then I realized that when I got engaged a few weeks ago, I did not call her but told her in an email, to which she never replied. These are big signs that this friendship is not on the forefronts of our lives. I was saddened by the realization but at the same time, I was thankful that this friendship has seen me through some of the toughest times in my life and when I really needed a friend, she was there. And now that chapter has closed.
This frame of mind then sent me down the path of my marriage and my former spouse. I have held on to pain for a long time and have slowly let it go. Five years is a monumental milestone. I have come a long way. I have grown and changed in ways I would never have forseen. My life has a richness that it would not have had if I had not gone through the sorrow I did. What was making me the most sad was that I still have many questions that have no answers. The biggest one being "Why?". But as I let my mind and my mouth ramble and gush out all the thoughts that have been lurking, I realized that I have made it this far without answers and I can make it the rest of my life without answers to some of those questions. And some of my questions may not even be mine to ask. So, I feel more settled, albeit a little raw emotionally, and I feel like I have made peace with part of my past.
Then I hear about the bridge. I hung my head and wept. My pain, while 5 years ago was very real, very deep and I felt like I had been ripped apart, today is not so difficult. I have healed but I still have scars adn I still have aches. But there are families in Minneapolis and St. Paul that today are in very real, gut-wrenching, heart breaking pain. I needed that splash of cold water on my face.
I have driven over that bridge more times than I can count. And I have never once felt in danger. I imagine that people on their way home last night didn't give it a second thought either and then they hit the water. To me, as I discussed it with my fiance, it was rather a poignant illustration of living by faith. I just trust that the corp of engineers that designed this bridge and the numerous folks that have had a part in its repair, know what they are doing. And I blindly assume when I am driving down any road, I am fairly safe in terms of the asphalt or concrete beneath me, barring the phenomenon of "pot holes" and I am more wary of my cohorts driving along with me.
I was more suspicious and cautious today then I have been in a long time. I drove over several bridges and overpasses today and that thought crossed my mind more times than I care to count. IN my discussion with my fiance, New York, we discussed that life is fragile and we don't know when we are going to go. But we both feel like we have more work to do on this earth, but if the Lord called us, we would certainly go willingly and happily to heaven. I am grateful for that assurance at least as I ponder life's uncertainties.
I think what I am most humbled by today is that while this tragedy was unfolding, unbeknownst to me, I was focused upon my own pain and suffering. I will say that I have good reason to be focused on that. Today marks the 5 year anniversary of the day my marriage blew apart and my life changed completely. I was grieving last night. I was ruminating in my head about a friendship that while it is not ending, it has changed and we have moved on and out of each other's lives. I realized this when she hadn't told me until I called her a few weeks ago, that she was very pregnant with her #4. I was a little sad that I didn't get a phone call with that bit of news. And then I realized that when I got engaged a few weeks ago, I did not call her but told her in an email, to which she never replied. These are big signs that this friendship is not on the forefronts of our lives. I was saddened by the realization but at the same time, I was thankful that this friendship has seen me through some of the toughest times in my life and when I really needed a friend, she was there. And now that chapter has closed.
This frame of mind then sent me down the path of my marriage and my former spouse. I have held on to pain for a long time and have slowly let it go. Five years is a monumental milestone. I have come a long way. I have grown and changed in ways I would never have forseen. My life has a richness that it would not have had if I had not gone through the sorrow I did. What was making me the most sad was that I still have many questions that have no answers. The biggest one being "Why?". But as I let my mind and my mouth ramble and gush out all the thoughts that have been lurking, I realized that I have made it this far without answers and I can make it the rest of my life without answers to some of those questions. And some of my questions may not even be mine to ask. So, I feel more settled, albeit a little raw emotionally, and I feel like I have made peace with part of my past.
Then I hear about the bridge. I hung my head and wept. My pain, while 5 years ago was very real, very deep and I felt like I had been ripped apart, today is not so difficult. I have healed but I still have scars adn I still have aches. But there are families in Minneapolis and St. Paul that today are in very real, gut-wrenching, heart breaking pain. I needed that splash of cold water on my face.
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