I just read over some of my previous blog entries adn realized that I don't talk to much about my other 2 kids; Princess and Pumpkin Head. It could be that they don't do the outrageous things that Banana Boy and Peanut do. But I assure you, they are normal kids who get into trouble, drive me crazy or fill me with love overflowing. They are just more subtle or maybe a bit overshadowed by the difficult child and the youngest who is very cute, and knows it.
So, Princess is on the verge of adolesence, much to my chagrin and despite my denial. Most days, she is even tempered and sweet, although very much a "mini-mom" with a strong tendency to be bossy. However, she is more reliable than the others and tries very hard to do the right thing. And I have realized over the last few years, she is a slob and not very organized. Case in point, she has a loft that her Grandpa built however, when we moved to our house and I put it up, she realized that she didn't like how high it was and we had to dismantle the ceiling fan in order for her to use it. A week after putting it together, I took it back down. She then borrowed the bed frame that was for Banana Boy. Once BB moved into his room, his mattress was on the floor. this week, New York and I cut the legs down of the loft and I began to reassemble the loft.
What could have taken but a few hours, wound up taking most of the day. IT was a custom built loft and so the pieces did not all fit back together and I had to take it apart and flip things around. It was not the high point for me. There was much banging, some bad words and some statements like "Leave me alone...Get out of here..."
I realized from reading the Desperate Households book, that this type of activity is not something I do well sharing with company. Some people, like NY, can continue to work with kids flitting in and out, asking questions, offering to "help". This frustrates me and raises my blood pressure to a boiling point. Sadly, I recognized it when Pumpkin head came in to ask me something and I yelled harshly, "NOT NOW." and he burst into tears. So, I then called out, "Honey, it's not you...this bed is frustrating me and I am having a hard time concentrating." He then went out the door and announced to all in earshot, "Mommy is NOT in a good mood."
Ugh. And later NY commented on the considerable banging he heard. I told him it was a good thing he didn't hear the cursing out of my mouth.
But by 6:30 pm, the bed was put together. NY drilled some new holes for me so that the bolts could be put in place and the bed would not collapse. While I was moving things around in Princess's room, I began to clean. It was necessary because there was no way to get that bed in without rearraging her belongings...I found so much junk stuffed into corners and under dressers and in drawers. I had to complete the job. I filled one whole trash bag from her tiny room. Then I proceeded to organize her room. It looks nice now and she is pleased with it. But it is going to take a lot of work on her part to keep it organized and neat. However, she can't shove stuff under her bed because it is 3 feet off the ground and will be apparent to all.
I surveyed my work and realized that this little room of hers is just the sort of room I would have loved to have had when I was her age. IT's got cute stenciled flowers, a cool bed, little baskets and is just cute. I hope she likes it. I am going to do some things to help her remember where to put things and how to keep her room well organized. Organization is my strength. She did not get that gift. But I have also realized that I am not a naturally tidy person and she did get that from me.
Pumpkin-head is my sweet little first grader. Not perfect but sweet and adorable. He loves school. His teacher says he is so enthusiastic and is making friends quickly. He does seem to have my organization gene and also the untidy gene. He can sort drawers and shelves and likes to put things in order. He told me he loves to "Tidy Up" his desk everyday before leaving school. YOu wouldn't know it by his room but the potential is good, if I can teach him how to transfer the organization ability to neatness.
One of the things I love about him is how he just "vibrates" when he gets excited. It's hard to describe but he wiggles and jiggles when something captivates him. And then he will go off into a cute little animated description of what he did. But when he gets mad, this soft-spoken sweetie can get really loud and say some pretty mean things.
I am trying to get certain words out of my kids vocabulary, but it's so hard. Words like "You idiot", "F-RT", "Stupid"... I can hear a voice in my head saying, "Well, good luck with that." I can dreams and have goals. Don't know when they will be accomplished but they are there.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Woes of Motherhood
Right now, I feel completely beaten down, frazzled, frantic, discouraged, frustrated and completely exhausted. I can tell that I am so worn down because I am snapping at my kids, barking at everyone...and I am ready for bed before 10 every night.
My son, Banana Boy, is very ADHD. And quite frankly, he is the source of my feeling drained and discouraged. I am really struggling with how to handle his behaviors, attitudes, homework, housework, routines, even dinner time is a battle ground.
I was in Northwestern Bookstore this week and came across this book, which I bought, called "Desperate Households". I rather like the play on words with the TV show but I know that the topic of this book is much more wholesome than the things I have heard about the show Desperate Housewives. I also think it shows just how I am feeling. Desperate and out of control.
Banana Boy and I have started seeing a psychologist who is going to help both us manage life better. We met her 2 weeks ago and Caleb told me that he can't wait to go back. It could be the Pirate legos in her office but I think he also picked up a sense that this is a good place and a good thing for us to do. I met with her today alone and she laid out an overview of where we are going to go in therapy.
I have seen at least 3 other psychologists over the years, since I separated and divorced 5 years ago. And she is the first one to not only listen and reflect back what I am saying but also to give me practical things to take home and practice with Caleb. I just about fell at her feet and wept with gratitude. THIS is what I have been looking for. But don't get me wrong, she is not offering me a quick fix or a magic bullet. She made it very clear that this is the just the start. She also told me she didn't want to overwhelm me but sensed that I am highly motivated (or in my own words...highly desperate) so she laid out an outline of behavior therapy that works best for a child who is highly defiant like my BB is. And I had a few "Ah Ha's" when she mentioned a few things that do not work with kids like BB. And it made sense then why it feels like I am beating my head against a brick wall in frustration because what I have tried doing to date is not effective.
I have my work cut out for me. I have some homework to do with BB. I am going to keep reading Desperate Households. I may even blog some of the best things from that book or my "Ah ha's".
At this point, the best thing that keeps floating in my brain is from the Bible, in 2 Timothy 1: 7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Oh, I need that sound mind. Not to mention, no fear. God gave me this child and He will see me through this time. I just need to rest in Him and fall at His feet, weeping with my woes and clinging to His promises.
My son, Banana Boy, is very ADHD. And quite frankly, he is the source of my feeling drained and discouraged. I am really struggling with how to handle his behaviors, attitudes, homework, housework, routines, even dinner time is a battle ground.
I was in Northwestern Bookstore this week and came across this book, which I bought, called "Desperate Households". I rather like the play on words with the TV show but I know that the topic of this book is much more wholesome than the things I have heard about the show Desperate Housewives. I also think it shows just how I am feeling. Desperate and out of control.
Banana Boy and I have started seeing a psychologist who is going to help both us manage life better. We met her 2 weeks ago and Caleb told me that he can't wait to go back. It could be the Pirate legos in her office but I think he also picked up a sense that this is a good place and a good thing for us to do. I met with her today alone and she laid out an overview of where we are going to go in therapy.
I have seen at least 3 other psychologists over the years, since I separated and divorced 5 years ago. And she is the first one to not only listen and reflect back what I am saying but also to give me practical things to take home and practice with Caleb. I just about fell at her feet and wept with gratitude. THIS is what I have been looking for. But don't get me wrong, she is not offering me a quick fix or a magic bullet. She made it very clear that this is the just the start. She also told me she didn't want to overwhelm me but sensed that I am highly motivated (or in my own words...highly desperate) so she laid out an outline of behavior therapy that works best for a child who is highly defiant like my BB is. And I had a few "Ah Ha's" when she mentioned a few things that do not work with kids like BB. And it made sense then why it feels like I am beating my head against a brick wall in frustration because what I have tried doing to date is not effective.
I have my work cut out for me. I have some homework to do with BB. I am going to keep reading Desperate Households. I may even blog some of the best things from that book or my "Ah ha's".
At this point, the best thing that keeps floating in my brain is from the Bible, in 2 Timothy 1: 7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Oh, I need that sound mind. Not to mention, no fear. God gave me this child and He will see me through this time. I just need to rest in Him and fall at His feet, weeping with my woes and clinging to His promises.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Overheard at the office
I am a Psych nurse working in the community. The population of people I primarily work with are what we call SPMI or Serious and Persistant Mentally Ill. We have criteria that we go through in order to determine if someone is SPMI. As "THE" nurse in the office, I also float between two teams; the intake team and the ongoing case management team. I hear some funny things. And I share them because they tickled my funny bone and because I believe that humor is an excellent coping mechanism and helps me not to take life to seriously. Sometimes, my job does become very serious and I am part of some very difficult decisions about a client staying out in the community or needing to go in to the hospital. So some levity, and sometimes a bit off-collar humor, helps me cope and keeps me grounded.
So, here are some of the funniest things I have heard at work:
1. "What is his/her diagnosis?"
"Well, he's crazy."
"Aren't they all? Its called Job Security."
2. "He didn't make the cut." while discussing the eligibility of a potential client.
3. "so I congratulated him on his status and eligibility"
"Oh, I bet he was excited to know that he is officially and certifiably mentally ill."
4. "He's pleasantly delusional."
Like I said, a bit off color, but laughter is how we cope and continue to do what we do. It's a tough job. Our clients are not always the easiest people to work with but in many ways, are some of the neediest people around. So, it does help to laugh and not get in too deep, or we burn out.
So, here are some of the funniest things I have heard at work:
1. "What is his/her diagnosis?"
"Well, he's crazy."
"Aren't they all? Its called Job Security."
2. "He didn't make the cut." while discussing the eligibility of a potential client.
3. "so I congratulated him on his status and eligibility"
"Oh, I bet he was excited to know that he is officially and certifiably mentally ill."
4. "He's pleasantly delusional."
Like I said, a bit off color, but laughter is how we cope and continue to do what we do. It's a tough job. Our clients are not always the easiest people to work with but in many ways, are some of the neediest people around. So, it does help to laugh and not get in too deep, or we burn out.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
He can sell you the shirt off your back
My school-age kids are selling various items for school. My daughter is selling candybars for $1. It's the hot item. She sold almost her whole box this weekend. Young Peanut has been waiting for over a day for a candy bar. He tried various means of getting a candy bar. The grown ups explained that these candy bars cost a dollar and did he have a dollar for one? He tried to say he lost his dollar. That didn't work. Then he cried. Tears are his most effective weapon in his 4 year old arsenal. Grandma succumed and bought him one. He was elated and his eyes grew big as saucers when he unwrapped it.
A short while later, he had been given some starburst which was a party favor from a baby shower. He began to offer his one starburst. He first said to Grandpa, "Do you want to sign up?" Grandpa replies, "Sign up for what?" Peanut shows him his starburst and says, "You can have it for a dollar." Grandpa laughed. So, Peanut tried his technique on Grandma. She did not buy it for buck. Then he offered it to Mommy who also did not buy but offered to take it as a gift. I found it funny that he named his price as the same price as a chocolate bar. But obviously, he has no concept of value.
A short while later, he had been given some starburst which was a party favor from a baby shower. He began to offer his one starburst. He first said to Grandpa, "Do you want to sign up?" Grandpa replies, "Sign up for what?" Peanut shows him his starburst and says, "You can have it for a dollar." Grandpa laughed. So, Peanut tried his technique on Grandma. She did not buy it for buck. Then he offered it to Mommy who also did not buy but offered to take it as a gift. I found it funny that he named his price as the same price as a chocolate bar. But obviously, he has no concept of value.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
The end of the weekend
On Friday afternoon, I start thinking about what I wish to do over the weekend. (Ok, sometimes, I start thinking about that in the morning or the night before). 48 hours hardly seems sufficient to pack everything in. However, this weekend, I am quite pleased to reflect on having accomplished everything I intended to do...perhaps not all I SHOULD do, but all I intended.
Saturday Morning: My fiance found a flier at the library advertising free airplane rides for kids ages 8 to 17 and this saturday was the last day for this year. I called the number but never did get a phone call back. So, we decided we would go anyway and hope for the best. We did spend the better part of an hour driving around the airport in Blaine in order to finally find the way in. Thankfully, the pilot was still willing to take my oldest two kids up for a 23 minute flight.
What I find interesting is that this was free. Totally amazing! And my kids were so excited about it. But what really struck me was when my "New York" said to me, "I agree the kids are brave to go up but you are brave to let them." I never even gave it a second thought when we decided to pursue it. I figured it was an awesome opportunity and why not let them experience it. I suppose, if I had tried hard enough I could have found a thousand reasons or even just one, good reasons why NOT to let them go. Those thoughts actually didn't come to mind until they had safely landed. But I am glad that they had the chance to do it and I expressed my gratitude to the pilot many times for doing this. He said that he loves to do this and is happy to do it for free because he gets paid in smiles and hugs!
what an amazing attitude!
While the oldest two were in the air, New York, Pumpkin-head, Peanut and I strolled around the air museum and explored all sorts of grounded military vehicles. I took lots of cool pictures. A couple I think I may have to blow up to poster size and hang in their bedroom. Peanut really really wanted to go in the plane but he quickly got into the spirit of exploring the army trucks, bombs, and a cargo helicopter. We felt quite sneaky opening doors and letting the kids climb in but no one ever told us not to, so we kept the experience very hands on. This would never happen at a big museum so it was an awesome experience for the boys. They talked about it all day.
Saturday afternoon: I scrapbooked for over an hour in relative peace, and stopped because i decided I wanted to stop. Usually I am interupted and have to quit. So I enjoyed being able to work for a while and stop when I was ready.
Later Saturday afternoon: We went to a kick-off BBQ for my church sunday school class. I met some new people and visited with old friends. The kids, of which I have no idea how many there were but it was MANY, ran around and played so nicely together. At one point in the evening, the hostess went down to the basement to check on the kids. There were over 10 kids down there. She came back and said, "I don't believe it but they are all quietly playing together...amazing!" It was bliss! Someone did remark that we have crossed over to a different phase. Years ago, the kids were babies and toddlers and thus the kids were always close by if not on our laps and now, they are off playing and we grown-ups can sit and visit kid-free.
I was so exhausted, I was asleep before 10pm! In fact, I fell asleep in the chair for a while, with the kitten sitting on my chest. She and I both went to bed at that point.
Sunday morning: worship at church. Followed by a Pig Roast and pot-luck lunch. I met new people and enjoyed fabulous food. I even baked bread. That is something I have only begun to do...actually prepare food rather than shortcutting and buying something to share. I was secretly tickled to watch people eat what I brought. It was Irish Soda Bread, by the way. And it was very good. I will have to make it again.
Sunday afternoon: the kids cleaned their rooms. My daughter actually rearranged her room and cleaned it real well. I worked in the garage. I sorted through winter clothes like jackets and snow pants. Then I swapped out summer clothes for fall/winter clothes and put them away in the drawers. I succeeded in cleaning the garage and organizing it enough that I can actually fit my van in it. The kids found the box with the Halloween costumes and were playing dress up. Peanut came over wearing a black wig with braids and saying "Look at me, I'm a girl. This is real girl hair...from a real girl." Much to my chagrin, they greeted the neighbor heartily while dressed as a crayon, an indian princess, a witch and a joker. I'm sure she got a kick out of it.
After this, I even got more of my scrapbook kingdom organized and cleared more floor space.
I really accomplished a lot in this 48 hour span. And now, I am going to fall into a blessed slumber before my head hits the pillow because I have worn myself out with these accomplishments. What I have learned is that with good planning, much can be accomplished. And strangley even though there were many things going on in short amount of time, I never felt rushed. I took my time and set my own pace and still got things done. hmmmm interesting!
Saturday Morning: My fiance found a flier at the library advertising free airplane rides for kids ages 8 to 17 and this saturday was the last day for this year. I called the number but never did get a phone call back. So, we decided we would go anyway and hope for the best. We did spend the better part of an hour driving around the airport in Blaine in order to finally find the way in. Thankfully, the pilot was still willing to take my oldest two kids up for a 23 minute flight.
What I find interesting is that this was free. Totally amazing! And my kids were so excited about it. But what really struck me was when my "New York" said to me, "I agree the kids are brave to go up but you are brave to let them." I never even gave it a second thought when we decided to pursue it. I figured it was an awesome opportunity and why not let them experience it. I suppose, if I had tried hard enough I could have found a thousand reasons or even just one, good reasons why NOT to let them go. Those thoughts actually didn't come to mind until they had safely landed. But I am glad that they had the chance to do it and I expressed my gratitude to the pilot many times for doing this. He said that he loves to do this and is happy to do it for free because he gets paid in smiles and hugs!
what an amazing attitude!
While the oldest two were in the air, New York, Pumpkin-head, Peanut and I strolled around the air museum and explored all sorts of grounded military vehicles. I took lots of cool pictures. A couple I think I may have to blow up to poster size and hang in their bedroom. Peanut really really wanted to go in the plane but he quickly got into the spirit of exploring the army trucks, bombs, and a cargo helicopter. We felt quite sneaky opening doors and letting the kids climb in but no one ever told us not to, so we kept the experience very hands on. This would never happen at a big museum so it was an awesome experience for the boys. They talked about it all day.
Saturday afternoon: I scrapbooked for over an hour in relative peace, and stopped because i decided I wanted to stop. Usually I am interupted and have to quit. So I enjoyed being able to work for a while and stop when I was ready.
Later Saturday afternoon: We went to a kick-off BBQ for my church sunday school class. I met some new people and visited with old friends. The kids, of which I have no idea how many there were but it was MANY, ran around and played so nicely together. At one point in the evening, the hostess went down to the basement to check on the kids. There were over 10 kids down there. She came back and said, "I don't believe it but they are all quietly playing together...amazing!" It was bliss! Someone did remark that we have crossed over to a different phase. Years ago, the kids were babies and toddlers and thus the kids were always close by if not on our laps and now, they are off playing and we grown-ups can sit and visit kid-free.
I was so exhausted, I was asleep before 10pm! In fact, I fell asleep in the chair for a while, with the kitten sitting on my chest. She and I both went to bed at that point.
Sunday morning: worship at church. Followed by a Pig Roast and pot-luck lunch. I met new people and enjoyed fabulous food. I even baked bread. That is something I have only begun to do...actually prepare food rather than shortcutting and buying something to share. I was secretly tickled to watch people eat what I brought. It was Irish Soda Bread, by the way. And it was very good. I will have to make it again.
Sunday afternoon: the kids cleaned their rooms. My daughter actually rearranged her room and cleaned it real well. I worked in the garage. I sorted through winter clothes like jackets and snow pants. Then I swapped out summer clothes for fall/winter clothes and put them away in the drawers. I succeeded in cleaning the garage and organizing it enough that I can actually fit my van in it. The kids found the box with the Halloween costumes and were playing dress up. Peanut came over wearing a black wig with braids and saying "Look at me, I'm a girl. This is real girl hair...from a real girl." Much to my chagrin, they greeted the neighbor heartily while dressed as a crayon, an indian princess, a witch and a joker. I'm sure she got a kick out of it.
After this, I even got more of my scrapbook kingdom organized and cleared more floor space.
I really accomplished a lot in this 48 hour span. And now, I am going to fall into a blessed slumber before my head hits the pillow because I have worn myself out with these accomplishments. What I have learned is that with good planning, much can be accomplished. And strangley even though there were many things going on in short amount of time, I never felt rushed. I took my time and set my own pace and still got things done. hmmmm interesting!
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
The End of Summer
Yesterday, I put 3 out of 4 kids onto the school bus for the first day of school. It was no one's "first day of school ever" so I was calm, cool and collected and took some very cute pictures. I also took the day off in order to see them off to school and then when they got home and to be quite honest, to have a few hours of peace and quiet all to myself.
Right now, I am listening to Sara Groves "Conversations" and it is putting me in a very reflective mood. I also read a friend's blog and feel inspired to compose a couple of lists about things I am thinking about... or pondering, treasuring in my heart whichever it may be at the moment.
Tulip Mom's List of Summer Highlights:
1. Moving to a new home, from an apartment to a house!
2. Sitting on my deck, watching the trees rustle and feeling the breeze on my face.
3. Watching my 6 year old learn to swim underwater at the lake.
4. Watching my 4.5 year old dance.
5. Thunder and lightning.
6. Watching fireworks with my kids, especially Peanut because it was his first time.
7. the smell of fresh rain
8. The downy woodpecker on the dead tree and the day Peanut decided it was HIS woodpecker and it was named "Sizzlie"
9. Our new kitten
10. going to lunch with co-workers
11. Standing on the deck, at my post, while my fiance attempted to chase a bat out of the house
12. Finding a mouse in the bathtub and catching it in a can.
13. The sound of tree frogs
14. My daughter's "creature" container which has captured a tree frog, a "golden" dragon fly, a mosquito.
15. Ant farms and cricket castles
16. Biking to the library
17. Inviting friends over for dinner
18. scrapbooking
19. taking pictures of my kids
20. bringing a co-worker home during lunch because we were in the neighborhood and finding my kids jumping in the mud/creek bed and having her laugh about it all afternoon
21. going to Bunker Beach and riding water slides with my oldest 2 kids for the first time
22. Jumping in the waves with my 6 year old and 4 year old
23. Backyard BBQ's
24. Sorting school supplies and writing names on everything
25. On the first day of school: Pumpkin-head (6 year old 1st grader) saying "I thought about my classroom number all night...102, 102, 102..."
26. Coming home to a completely empty house after kids go to school, Peanut goes to daycare and just sitting in my favorite chair and reading a book for a peaceful hour
27. Joining weight watchers and losing 7.2 lbs
28. Getting a call from the nurse on the first day of school to say that Banana Boy fainted during lunch.
29. Painting and decorating kids bedrooms and hearing them say, "I LOVE my room"
30. a clean kitchen counter
31. the taste of a cold glass of iced tea
Right now, I am listening to Sara Groves "Conversations" and it is putting me in a very reflective mood. I also read a friend's blog and feel inspired to compose a couple of lists about things I am thinking about... or pondering, treasuring in my heart whichever it may be at the moment.
Tulip Mom's List of Summer Highlights:
1. Moving to a new home, from an apartment to a house!
2. Sitting on my deck, watching the trees rustle and feeling the breeze on my face.
3. Watching my 6 year old learn to swim underwater at the lake.
4. Watching my 4.5 year old dance.
5. Thunder and lightning.
6. Watching fireworks with my kids, especially Peanut because it was his first time.
7. the smell of fresh rain
8. The downy woodpecker on the dead tree and the day Peanut decided it was HIS woodpecker and it was named "Sizzlie"
9. Our new kitten
10. going to lunch with co-workers
11. Standing on the deck, at my post, while my fiance attempted to chase a bat out of the house
12. Finding a mouse in the bathtub and catching it in a can.
13. The sound of tree frogs
14. My daughter's "creature" container which has captured a tree frog, a "golden" dragon fly, a mosquito.
15. Ant farms and cricket castles
16. Biking to the library
17. Inviting friends over for dinner
18. scrapbooking
19. taking pictures of my kids
20. bringing a co-worker home during lunch because we were in the neighborhood and finding my kids jumping in the mud/creek bed and having her laugh about it all afternoon
21. going to Bunker Beach and riding water slides with my oldest 2 kids for the first time
22. Jumping in the waves with my 6 year old and 4 year old
23. Backyard BBQ's
24. Sorting school supplies and writing names on everything
25. On the first day of school: Pumpkin-head (6 year old 1st grader) saying "I thought about my classroom number all night...102, 102, 102..."
26. Coming home to a completely empty house after kids go to school, Peanut goes to daycare and just sitting in my favorite chair and reading a book for a peaceful hour
27. Joining weight watchers and losing 7.2 lbs
28. Getting a call from the nurse on the first day of school to say that Banana Boy fainted during lunch.
29. Painting and decorating kids bedrooms and hearing them say, "I LOVE my room"
30. a clean kitchen counter
31. the taste of a cold glass of iced tea
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