Yesterday, it was not a good day to be my children. It was a frustrating day to be a mom. I came home and learned that my dear daughter, keeper of the extra house key and locker of the door, had lost the housekey...A week and a half ago...and had only now told me! And the front door can only be locked from the outside WITH a key. This means that my children have been going to school and leaving the house unlocked...for a week and a half. Fortunately, we live on a very quiet side street with seemingly very nice and decent neighbors who are not home during the day to notice this. But it still made me very angry at the thought of what all could have happened.
Princess, you need to look for the key.
"But I don't know where it is."
So you will have to pull yourself up off the couch and start looking for it. The key is not going to find itself. (I mentally slap myself on the head because that little statement right there sounds just like something my mother has said to me but it doesn't stop me...I'm on a parental roll). You might even find that if you start to clean things up, you may find the key.
Princess puts on a pout, tears welling up in her eyes. She spends about 4 3/4 minutes looking in the living room and plops back down.
Did you find the key?
"No."
Well, you can't quit just because you couldn't find it after less than 5 minutes of looking. Look everywhere. Even in the places you think it could not possibly be. Start in your room.
Now she plops down on the stairs, props her chin on her fists, with her elbows on her knees with more tears.
"I can't do it. I can't find it."
Here we go... Lecture mode is kicking in. I can't seem to stop it. It's flying out of my mouth. I am frustrated, angry and very disappointed.
Princess, you don't seem to understand how bad this is that you lost the key. You were responsible for it. You were responsible for locking the door every day. And you didn't tell me for over a week that the key was missing. You may as well have just flung open the front door and announced to the world that our house was wide open and our stuff was free for the taking. I trusted you to lock up the house and I trusted you to come to me first when you can't do what I am expecting you to do. And now, you want to quit because it seems too hard. You need to march upstairs to your room NOW and start looking and you will not quit until that key is found. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?
Now the pout grows legs and she stomps up the stairs, arms crossed, sobbing like she lost her best friend and muttering under her breath. But she has to understand that this IS a big deal. And she can't just quit because it gets hard. And I cannot let her off the hook or she will not learn to respect the responsibility that I put upon her, nor will I trust her with more responsibility. It's a tough lesson. It was painful for both of us. I don't like to make her cry. But sometimes, that is what must happen for learning to take place.
Now enter The Boys. I begin to tell them that this key needs to be found and that I want them to stop what they are doing and help out by searching for the key. BB pipes in, "I don't know what it looks like. I have never seen it.
I think he thinks this will get him off the hook for looking. He is wrong. But he has begun to draw a line in the sand and there is another battle brewing in front of me but I didn't see it until it was too late.
BB, please head upstairs and look for a key on a butterfly keychain.
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr" followed by a complete disregard for my instruction and he continues to work on his drawing.
BB, you heard what I said, now march upstairs and do what you are told.
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" and more ignoring.
Pretty soon, I am at my complete wits end and I am yelling. He is acting like a stubborn mule, refusing to move or do anything I say. And I am at a complete loss for what to do. He does not respond in the same way as the others do to the type of correction I use. A sharp tone just makes him more stubborn. A spanking makes him angry and act more like a caged animal that is cornered (it's a frightening thing, so I don't use spanking with any of my children any more). I am scared to send him to his room for time out because he can be so destructive. I really do not know what to do with him. Lately, he has begun to bully his little brother and even do things like shove him, slap him or just plain yell at him and tell him to go away, on top of his usual bossiness.
To be quite honest, I was so worn down that I just quit trying to get him to look for the key. I think this may be his strategy. He will be annoying and disrespectful to the point that I can't take it anymore and I quit trying. And he has won the battle. He got to do what he wanted which was what he was doing and he successfully avoided doing any work.
So, at dinner, his comment just about sent me running off the edge of the roof. I asked him to turn on the lamp in the dining room. He says, "I feel like I am a slave."
Ohhh hooo son. You are sooo wrong. You are not a slave. If anyone in this family is a slave, it is your mother. I work all day long. I come home and I work more. I do all the cooking, all the cleaning. I wash your clothes, clean your rooms, clean the house and make sure that you have everything you need to get to school. You have very little that is required of you. You are not a slave. It is not slavery for me to ask you to turn on a light so that we can see while we eat dinner. It is not slavery for me to ask you to clear the table or to pick up your clothes and toys or the garbage you throw on the floor. You are ungrateful, disrespectful and rude.
I am growing very weary of being argued with, being growled at and being disrespected. But I don't know what to do to change this attitude and these behaviors.
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