Woes of Motherhood

Right now, I feel completely beaten down, frazzled, frantic, discouraged, frustrated and completely exhausted. I can tell that I am so worn down because I am snapping at my kids, barking at everyone...and I am ready for bed before 10 every night.

My son, Banana Boy, is very ADHD. And quite frankly, he is the source of my feeling drained and discouraged. I am really struggling with how to handle his behaviors, attitudes, homework, housework, routines, even dinner time is a battle ground.

I was in Northwestern Bookstore this week and came across this book, which I bought, called "Desperate Households". I rather like the play on words with the TV show but I know that the topic of this book is much more wholesome than the things I have heard about the show Desperate Housewives. I also think it shows just how I am feeling. Desperate and out of control.

Banana Boy and I have started seeing a psychologist who is going to help both us manage life better. We met her 2 weeks ago and Caleb told me that he can't wait to go back. It could be the Pirate legos in her office but I think he also picked up a sense that this is a good place and a good thing for us to do. I met with her today alone and she laid out an overview of where we are going to go in therapy.

I have seen at least 3 other psychologists over the years, since I separated and divorced 5 years ago. And she is the first one to not only listen and reflect back what I am saying but also to give me practical things to take home and practice with Caleb. I just about fell at her feet and wept with gratitude. THIS is what I have been looking for. But don't get me wrong, she is not offering me a quick fix or a magic bullet. She made it very clear that this is the just the start. She also told me she didn't want to overwhelm me but sensed that I am highly motivated (or in my own words...highly desperate) so she laid out an outline of behavior therapy that works best for a child who is highly defiant like my BB is. And I had a few "Ah Ha's" when she mentioned a few things that do not work with kids like BB. And it made sense then why it feels like I am beating my head against a brick wall in frustration because what I have tried doing to date is not effective.

I have my work cut out for me. I have some homework to do with BB. I am going to keep reading Desperate Households. I may even blog some of the best things from that book or my "Ah ha's".

At this point, the best thing that keeps floating in my brain is from the Bible, in 2 Timothy 1: 7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

Oh, I need that sound mind. Not to mention, no fear. God gave me this child and He will see me through this time. I just need to rest in Him and fall at His feet, weeping with my woes and clinging to His promises.