That is what a friend of mine said to me the other day when I was lamenting over the sorry state of my existence. I'm not having a pity party. I really do have some crappy things happening to me right now. And it just keeps piling on. I feel like the dog being kicked under the table. (I should explain that she was NOT telling me to stop beating a dead horse...but rather commenting on how many difficult things keep happening this fall because in the span of 6 weeks, I have been hit on every front from finances to childrearing to legal issues surrounding a broken relationship...That is the dead horse!)
It's not fun. My ex-fiance is suing me. It's too complicated to explain. There is room to negotiate but I don't think there is much room. He pushed the numbers up just past "Small Claims" and moved this into the civil realm. And that stinks. It raises the stakes. And I have a choice to make.
I was crying earlier when I was feeling the gravity of my situation and the serious financial repercussions if this goes to trial. How should I, as a Christian, respond to being sued? Do I completely cave in and say "Fine. Take it all. Here you go." or do I fight? If I fight back, things could get really nasty and friends of mine would get pulled in to testify. My children could have to testify and it would be dirty. And nobody will walk away unscathed.
What can I live with? I will admit, I was stupid in accepting money from him in the first place and putting myself in this position of being indebted to him now that the relationship is over. But I do not believe that I am solely to blame. He has the advantage in that he appears to be the wronged party because a debt is owed to him. But he has a part to play and to own up to but I seriously doubt he will. Attacking him in court will not open his eyes to see his mistakes, so what is the point? Do I have to prove that I was in the right? No. I made some really dumb mistakes. I ignored the wise advice of my family and I overlooked my own gut and intuition. It's a painful lesson and it will cost me dearly. But it will be learned.
What I decided as I talked it out with the Lord is that I cannot play dirty. As much as I am hurting and am grieved that things got this out of hand, I cannot stoop to that level. Many things happened in that relationship that were unfair to me and to my children but I will not victimize my kids again by dragging them through court. I will take responsibility for what I feel is my part. I will contest the pieces that are not fair. And in the end, I will have to pay him money. But it is only money. It is not my soul. At the end of it, I will hold my head up high and know that I did the best thing and not the worst thing. And I will move on with my life.
And I will never make the mistakes I made again. Choose carefully who you date. Be wise in what you disclose to another person and when. I do not think financial issues should be brought in to a relationship until marriage is on the horizon. And I will not loan or borrow money from anyone I am dating. If I am asked for money, and I have it, I will give it freely with no strings attached. That is how I will sleep at night.
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