Grief

There is a debate that I have been reading about regarding the Stages of Grief and whether there really are stages or not. The term "stages" implies that a person should move somewhat sequentially from one stage to the other. My own experience would plant me on the opposite side of the debate. I think grieving is much more like a multi-layered pie and sometimes, you get a slice of everything inside, all at the same time.

I have had the opportunity to talk with many of my clients about the grieving process and have found that when I explain it this way, it seems to make more sense to them. I also explain that there is no time table on grief. You go through it and resolve it in however long it takes you and if someone tells you that you should be done grieving by now, they are insensitive idiots. One example I can think of for this type of insensitivity occurred with a co-worker whose father had committed suicide. At the time I met her, it had been almost 2 years. She was extremely frustrated and hurt when she requested to have the anniversary of his death off and it was denied because the supervisor told her it had been long enough and she should be "over it" by now.

In my situation, it's only been a little over a week since my father passed away and I know that I am beginning to truly grieve. The funeral is over. Family has returned home. I have returned to work and my kids are back in school. Life moves forward. However, I am finding that I am still struggling with feelings of shock and disbelief to reminiscence to missing him so much, I feel like it will always hurt.

I have trouble concentrating at work but it did get easier the second day. I did manage to get my housework done today and also to relax. Yet, when I tried to lay down and go to sleep, the sadness swept over me like a huge ocean wave. I cannot believe he is gone and I walk around feeling as if I am still dreaming the whole thing happened and that any minute, he is going to pull up in his red F150, handing out Starbursts to my kids or that I could dial my Mom's house and he will pick up the phone. The sadness comes when I realize it will never happen again.