One Month

My Dad has been gone one month, today. I still cannot believe he is really gone. I find myself thinking I can call him on the phone and chat with him about my day or his. Or that I could pull in to the driveway and he will be standing in the garage at his workbench, and he will turn and wave at me. Instead, the phone is unanswered. The garage stands empty. And I am very sad. And apparently, I do really dumb things when I am this sad.

For example: I woke up with a bad headache yesterday. It didn't start as a migraine but became one later. I decided that I would start my day a little later so I took some medicine and went back to bed. But I did not call work to say that this was what I was doing. My supervisor was very frustrated with me and also probably very disappointed. She left me several voice mails asking me to explain what happened and then scheduled a meeting with me today to discuss it.

I wracked my brain all day and all night to figure out why I would do such a stupid thing. I have never done that before. It's very irresponsible and very unlike me to do that. I had no good reason for it. Until I talked to my mom and she told me it is grief. But she warned me that I need to increase my awareness of my grief and make sure that I still keep up with my responsibilities while dealing with my sadness.

On the same day, BB lost a shoe and did not get on the bus. He and I looked every where and could not find the shoe. I still have no idea where that silly shoe could be. So, I told him we would drive up to Target and get him new shoes. He really did need them but I had been asking him to wait til payday which was a mere 2 days away. My 1 hour of lateness turned into 3, thanks to a missing shoe and construction traffic.

To add to my day, I got an email from Peanut's teacher informing me that Peanut only had a juice box in his lunch and the lunch helpers had him go through the line because he would need more to eat than that. Then he said that if Peanut ever needs a lunch, just let him know and he would take care of it.

While this was very kind and sweet, I felt so silly again. I tried to explain that I am teaching my children to make their own lunches and Peanut packed his own but I did not know why he only put the juice in there. When I asked him later, he told me he just ran out of time and couldn't find anything else to put in it.

It's a training issue, not a food issue. Again, my Mom suggested that these two incidences are also signs of grief. Forgetfulness. Maybe.