Blessed

In my economic crisis, I wondered almost daily how I would come up with money for gas. It's very humbling when you realize that your children have more money than you do and then to have to ask them to loan you their cash so you can get to work the rest of the week. I cried the rest of the day after I asked my two oldest children for the cash they had, which I added to the $5 I got from selling books to Half Price Books...giving me a total of $20. With gas prices, this was not much but it would get me to work a day or two more and each day was another day closer to payday.

Uncomfortable is another word I use frequently. And something that is below "humbling". I feel as if everything I have relied upon is being stripped away and there is nothing for me to rely upon except the Lord and the creative inspiration He gives me.

On Sunday, I had a conversation with a friend about what my days are like. I mentioned how long they are and she commented how I must use my crock pot a lot. I mentioned that I left it behind at the other house so I was really feeling the loss of it right now, as it would be very handy.

She watched my kids for an hour on Tuesday when I went to my first therapy appointment. When I got there, she pointed to a box and told me to take it. It was a brand new crock pot...and not a basic one either. It's fancy. Far beyond what I would have ever bought for myself and I know that I would not have replaced my crock pot for a long time. I was stunned. When I drove away, I just burst into tears. I wanted to say, "Lord, it's too much...stop." But really what my soul cried out for was "More...more." and not the kind of monetary blessings or a rescue from my financial situation but these little reminders that show me that He is watching me, He is listening to me and He knows what my needs are.

Well, I didn't take the box out of my trunk until yesterday. I was excited to make something in my crock. I opened up the box and started to pull it out. Down at the bottom of the box, my friend had slipped in a plastic bag with $18. I just about fell over. Because here I was, a day away from pay day, my gas tank practically on fumes again and now I had enough to get me to work and back and make it to Friday. I am blessed.

Everything that is happening to me is showing me that I am heading in the right direction and that I am making the right decisions but I have some tough days ahead of me. I have consequences to face and that never feels good and God knows what I need and He will provide but He expects me to obey. He will show me the way. I just need to trust Him and keep trusting Him. And most of all, don't quit now. It's going to get harder before it gets better but it's going to get better.