Monday, February 26, 2007

My Accidental Experiment

I have cleaned up some pretty interesting messes/concoctions/experiments created by my children. There was the (uncooked) "Macaroni and Cheese in the blender", the "Hot chocolate-oatmeal-peanut butter in the blender", and an assortment of "(insert condiment here) on the (select from the following choices: table, coffee table, bathtub, couch, toy box)" experiments. Not to mention the numerous creations and artwork involving crayons, colored pencils, or markers that have covered walls, doors, arms and bellies or the inside of my van.

Bear with me here as I describe some of the other things I have had to clean up. I am setting the scene.

An ongoing issue, and one not uncommon when raising boys, is the correct, proper, sanitary, polite and eco-friendly use of the toilet. I have covered the gamut of topics:

-We do not pee in the closet
-Please put the seat up
-Please put the seat back down
-Please wipe off the seat if you miss
-AIM...Put your knees on the bowl and go deep
-Do not pee on the floor
-Do not pee in the trashcan
-Wipe, Flush and Wash
-Flush, flush, Flush.................Please, I'm begging you
-Who peed on my new rug?
-No you may NOT use Mommy's bathroom until you learn to use yours correctly

I learned today that I may need to return to some previous lectures as now the youngest, lets call him Peanut, who is recently potty trained but now feels confident enough to venture into the unexplored territory of "Target Practice ...and Let's See What Else my Penis can do". Big sigh.

Today's lecture is called: "Who peed in the trashcan in the closet?" with the subtitle "And let it sit for days...until it turned to Ammonia???" This lecture is followed by a chorus of "Not me", "I didn't" and "I don't know's". Maybe I need to go to police training on interrogation techniques. Substandard interrogation aside, my main suspect is Peanut.

So, grossing out, I took the offensive trash can to the kitchen to clean it but first I had to empty the other items of garbage in the bottom. Did I mention GROSS? That done, I them emptied it into the toilet and carried it back to the kitchen to pour some bleach in it, as I do when I clean the trashcans...I should have figured something was different when I poured Bleach in and all of a sudden it was white and foamy.

I thought, "hmmm, that's interesting" and began to pour some hot water in the can as well. Sometimes, I am slow to catch on. All of a sudden, my eyes started watering and I felt a gagging sensation in my throat...The light bulb went on. Maybe bleach and ammonia react and produce a noxious gas when mixed together. I am going to fire off an email to my friend who is a Professor of Chemistry. I'm sure he will answer my question politely, scientifically and in a fair amount of detail, and then go home and tell his wife and they will get a big laugh. That's ok. I laugh at myself.

So, perhaps my kids gift for experimentation is natural. They get it from me. Only I didn't plan it. Maybe they don't either.

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