I have been WAY too down on myself. My life is very difficult. I can't get around that and it is not likely to change. For crying out loud, I have 4 kids! And for the next ??? years, my life is going to be very full of kid things like Homework, dirty dishes, dirty clothes, dirty toilets, housework, bills, after-school activities, church activities. So I am going to mentally smack myself in the head and tell me to "Get over it. Move on."

I'm not a bad mom. I'm a busy mom. I am doing a two person job as a one person. But the work still has to be done. But my God-given gift is a brain, a sense of humor and an ability to organize. So, I have a color-coded calendar (except that Someone Who Shall Remain Nameless keeps taking my "Calendar Pens" for his art projects...oops! That narrows the field down to 3). I have lists. I have cubbies and a bulletin board. I'm developing a system and a routine.

But I have a little Rebel Who Lies Within. She pokes her head out now and then and wants to break free from all the rules, the structure and organization and say, "To heck with the cleaning...Don't do the dishes...forget about the dirty socks on the living room floor and the bathroom that smells like a port-a-potty at the state fair...lets just hang out and watch TV and then go to bed. We'll do it tomorrow!" Rebel has another name... the Procrastinator. She and I have duked it out since my school days.

If I let the Rebel rule, the dishes pile up higher, take longer, smell nastier. The house gets dirtier and then what am I teaching my kids? Am I teaching them to value a clean living space, to respect property and display good manners? Am I teaching them the virtue of work first,then play? And what about teaching them how to be respectful of people, places and things? It all starts at home.

So, Rebel Procrastinator, you will need to be quiet. The Grown-up is in charge. I may not be happy about it. I doubt I will ever have a stellar love affair with my broom (although I do have a certain fondness for my Wet Jet) nor will I write poems about cleaning supplies but we will come to terms and learn to live in harmony and I will put aside my rebel ways.

However, as a Grown Up,I do reserve the right to sometimes take a night off understanding that there are consequences and if I am willing to accept the consequences, then I will not feel guilty about it.

So, going home after a long day at work and setting about to cook a meal, do the dishes, start a load of laundry...it's just what I do. Organizing backpacks and checking for homework, checking for brushed teeth, clean sheets and finding missing shoes. It's my job. It's my love for my family that keeps me at it even when the days get long and seem so hard.

Enough about that. What do I love about what I do?

1. A clean kitchen. (My standards have changed in this. Clean dishes, wiped off counters and a swept floor...I don't expect things to sparkle or be able to eat off the floor. I WetJet on the weekend or when there is a spill. But I love to see clear counters and an empty sink.)
2. The smell of freshly washed sheets when I tumble into bed after a long day.
3. Wrapping up in a quilt on the couch with a kid on each side while we watch something together.
4. Listening to Peanut describe his day at Kindergarten and sound out words-- Kkkk-Uuuuu-Puh or tell me about his "Blood Muscles" (blood vessels).
5. Talking to Princess about her French homework or correcting her spelling(and her spelling is pretty bad, so we spend a lot of time doing this).
6. Playing a math game on the kitchen floor with BB.
7. Petting my cats.
8. The smell of a freshly shampooed boy, wrapped up in a warm towel.
9. The sound of my children's laughter.
10. Watching my kids playing outside from the window.
11. Watching my kids while they sleep.
12. Tucking my kids in at bedtime.
13. Signing "I love you" as I send them out the door to school.
14. Peanut blowing me kisses.
15. Mini-van dance parties to disco music!
16. Text messages from my kids "We're home." "We're playing outside." "I'm in the bathroom." and "Can you help me with my math homework?" Isn't technology grand? Next time they tell me they are in the bathroom, I'm texting back and asking them if they are pooping! Just for fun!
17. Looking at scrapbooks together and laughing as we read the stories.
18. Talking about the day they were born.
19. Remembering the day I learned I was pregnant, the way they wiggled inside me and how I felt the day they finally arrived.
20. Watching my children grow taller and their faces change from baby-chubby to girlish or boyish to tweeny.
21. A million little moments I can't put into words.