It's official. Peanut is a full-fledged Kindergartner. He got on that big, yellow bus today and even though he was instructed to do so, he did not turn around for pictures. However, he did turn and look for me and give me his special Peanut wave. I don't know if I am proud to say I didn't cry or not. I didn't. But I felt a hitch in my throat and I put my head on my Mommy's shoulder and I was really glad she was there with me.
I am anxious to hear how his day went. I am nervous and scared about how after-school is going to go too. His older siblings have been warned that they must watch out for him. I know that BB is scared of this responsibility but at the same time, I know that even though BB protests greatly about it and will deny it til his dying days, he loves his brothers and he will rise to the occasion.
My jitters will eventually ease up some. The first week of school is just as nerve wracking for me as it is for my children. In some ways, I think it is worse for me. I am thrusting them out into that big scary world of school buses, teacher's and other people's children who do not share the same values as I do. Last year, my older boys came home reciting words I refer to as "Playground talk" but in all reality, it's swearing. And then they thought it would be really funny to teach these naughty words to their 5 year old brother, who then taught them to his 4 year old playmate this summer.
I added a lecture to my parenting series called, "Honey Words and Vinegar Words: Let your words be sweet on the tongue and sweet in the ear". Slowly, the vinegar words have decreased. But Peanut, as we walked out of Meet the Teacher night last week, very innocently and sweetly, I might add, looked up at me and said, "Mommy, Did you just say 'What the F**K?'" When I scraped my jaw off the sidewalk, and my cheeks settled down to their usual rosy pink instead of Flaming Lobster Red, I said, "No...Mommy does NOT talk like that and neither should you. That is a very naughty thing to say. It's vinegar." And he replied sweetly, "OH...OK."
Is it any wonder why my knees feel weak and I tremble in fear? Or why I have been praying for protection over them each day? I am not the only influence in their lives. I pray I am the strongest and the loudest. But it is a battle. Peanut is now thrown into the ring as well.
I thought about these things as I walked back to my house, got in my van and drove to work. I didn't cry but my heart felt heavy. In many ways, school provides my children with many opportunities and experiences that I cannot provide. My daughter is learning French and she says she will be learning to play the guitar in Music Enrichment. BB, who HATES to stand up in front, says he wants to join the 4th grade choir! PH, for all of his follow-along behaviors with BB, still likes to curl up next to me and give me kisses. Peanut will love Kindergarten.
My life as a parent is changing. The Diaper Days are done. I am transitioning into Life Coach, teaching hygiene, basic living skills, how to get along with other people and how to live your life in a way that shows others you love Jesus and that Jesus is someone they want to know too. It's a big job and it suddenly feels bigger.
I was telling someone the other day that when my daughter was born, the thing I was most scared of was potty training. Looking back, I think potty training is far easier than the stuff I do now. And I laugh at myself about the things I used to worry about. I used to worry about how much they ate, how much they pooped and did they get enough sleep and would I get a nap. Now I worry about who they will talk to, what they are learning...I seldom ask them about their poop (except to be funny or to embarrass them!) and I still worry about what they eat and how much they sleep. I get an occasional nap now and then. I wish at times that I could hold them like I did when they were babies, and their sleepy heads would rest heavily on my shoulder as their bodies fell limp in my arms. They felt safe and I knew I could protect them.
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