I think I did something right!

Being the single mom of 4 munchkins is not easy. And there are times when I feel completely inept and incapable of the monumental task of raising 4 children to love the Lord, love each other and have strong moral compasses. And sometimes, I'm just so tired, I can hardly think of how to handle some of my challenges.

But tonight, I feel like I did something right or at least it appears to have worked. But time will tell. But I will still praise the Lord for the moment of victory and the hope I feel in my heart that I CAN do this.

Here is what happened. I spent too many hours this weekend, sweeping floors repeatedly and finding that no sooner are things picked up and set right in our living area, they seem to get messed up faster than a blink. Yesterday, I asked my school kids to have the livingroom picked up by the time I got home. It would be an hour, which should be more than enough time. I stressed this wish and dare I say, command, as I left for work. I even called in the afternoon to once again warn them that this must be done.I told each child individually, on the phone and had them repeat it back to me.

Low and behold, when I walked in the door. My jaw dropped. Not only was the mess from the morning still there, complete with icky cereal bowls still on the table, but the mess had grown and increased in volume. I shook my head in disbelief. And then I had everyone get off their little keisters and put things back in place. It was far from perfect but tolerable and we had to eat quickly and head out the door so that I could go to Bible study.

So, today, when I had some spare moments I started kicking around some ideas about how to motivate my children to do the things I want them to do. The yard continues to be another source of agrivation. Things go missing. I have "lost" two pairs of garden snips and there are various items strewn across the lawn. I am thinking of devising a scavenger hunt, with a list of things to find and collect from the yard. Each kid can have a paper bag and the ones who can read, can carry a list. And then send them off to find everything on the list (and then some). I may have to have some sort of prize at the end to make it a valid contest and to increase the fun while getting the work I need done.

This then sent me down another rabbit trail to other issues I have with motivation. By the time I got home, I had a fully-baked scheme devised. And sure enough, when I walked in the door, the mess had grown again. It really stresses me out. I work long days and I then come home and cook dinner, help with homework, do dishes, laundry and various cleaning as needed (sometimes desperately needed) and then send everyone to bed and I can then relax for a while before I go to bed. And having to manuever around toys, papers, garbage, clothes,backpacks, and lunch boxes, just to find the kitchen counter just about set me off on a tirade of screaming. But the blessing for the children is that I am also coming down with a cold or a flu and my voice is crackly and not strong enough to yell. So I needed a different tactic. Thus my plan.

I called all 4 young-uns in and told them that I was not happy with the state of the living area and that they would need to clean it. I told them that I was going to set the timer for 10 minutes. And if they were not done in 10 minutes, then I would start counting the minutes after and start deducting 10 minutes off of bedtime. They started to scramble and sort of made progress but tempers also started flaring and some yelling and arguing about who was doing or better still, not doing anything just about set my nerves over the edge. So, I stopped the clock at -1 minute (or 10 minutes from bedtime). I called a meeting in the livingroom. And I did some explaining about how we are to treat each other and what the purpose of this activity was.

I also explained that the time was to be used by all, they were to work as a team and yelling at each other and checking out who is doing more or who is not doing enough is not helping with the team work. And I also explained that I expected more from the oldest two because they are older. Peanut, I explained, is just learning how to clean up. He isn't very fast and he is not going to seem like he is sharing his part of the load. But then I also pointed out that the mess in the house was created by the 3 school kids while Peanut and Mom were not home, so he was going to chip in because we are a family and a team but not because he was responsible for making the mess. I also explained that they have not done the basic things I have asked such as putting their lunch boxes on the counter, hanging up their jackets and backpacks as well as NOT cleaning the livingroom as I asked yesterday, so this was part of their consequence from that.

At the end of the meeting, I told them that the timer was going to be set and if it took 10 minutes or more, then they would go to bed an hour early. I had to do some readjusting in my 10 minutes for each 1 minute because the math didn't work...so I figured out quarter hours instead. They finished with 30 seconds to spare. At this point, I figured I would extend a small grace. I told them that they had finished "under" ten minutes, so they would not get the full hour. But they would still have to go to bed 45 minutes early. By this point, they had accepted their fate and we proceeded to eat dinner, do homework and even do some coloring.

Here is the hard part, for me, the MOM. The whole time they are scrambling to clean up, while yelling at complaining at each other, my heart is breaking as I watch the timer count down. I so wanted them to get it done in the time I asked. And I began to second guess myself...maybe I was too hard or it was too short a time or too big a job...But as I had this internal argument with myself, this other part of me was saying, "Tulip, you have got to stick to your guns and do this because those kids need to have a consequence. They need to learn that they are responsible for following your directions..and sometimes that means a stiff consequence..."

Once I realized that, I felt better and I felt stronger.

But my daughter, when I announced it was bedtime, tried to wangle a few extra minutes. And I stood my ground...and said NO, firmly. Then she tried her other tactic..."But I need to read my book for school." So I told her to read while laying on her bed..."But I wanted to read to YOU."

Nice try, Butterfly.

So, it is 8:25 and showers have been done. Homework is done. The livingroom is clean and the kids are settling down to bed. I will have to do this again. I hope that this little lesson sticks for a while.