I am a pretty easy going person. I can take a joke and I don’t get offended easily. I believe this comes from some hard years of being teased rather mercilessly when I was in junior high. I had to figure out how to toughen up and quit being so sensitive. I also had to develop a better sense of humor. It is a good thing to have thick skin.
Sometimes, my skin is a little too thick and I do not recognize things I should take offense to until it is too late. This results in a delayed reaction and I find myself stewing about things that have penetrated the elephant skin and caused me pain.
One of my weakest areas, a prime target for attack, is in the area of my skill level, education, and abilities. I had almost a decade of abuse in a marriage where I was beaten down and told either outright or more subtly that I was not smart, not capable, worthless and could never be anything except what my husband would allow me to be and without him, I was nothing. I have worked very hard and made a lot of sacrifices to get myself past that into the place I am now, feeling capable and confident and smart.
So, when I get attacked in that area, it hurts and my hackles get raised. I am reminded of the female lead in the movie Dances with Wolves… Stands With Fists. I like her name. It fits how I feel in these types of circumstances.
At work the other day, a Social Work intern, verbally attacked my credentials, my intelligence and my education. At first, I thought he was joking, sort of work-related banter. Another co-worker came to my cube to ask me a question about why his arm still hurt when he got his flu shot several weeks ago. I started discussing a few things about what it could be. The intern then chimes in,
“Don’t ask her medical questions. She does not know what she’s talking about. She’s just making stuff up.”
We chuckled. And he continued.
“She’s just a psych nurse and they only get one medical course. I know because I used to date a psych nurse and when I asked her questions about medical stuff she would tell me she didn’t know anything about medical stuff.”
I blew it off. However, at lunch, he brought it up again and started saying the same sort of things. One of my other co-workers looked over at him and then scrunched up her face in disgust. She made a comment about how he really is a jerk. A different coworker then said, “I believe that he has now insulted every one of us. He is not making any friends.”
The intern’s supervisor then said to him, in front of all of us at the table, “Tulip has a lot of education beyond psych nursing. She is also a public health nurse. She really knows a lot.”
I thanked him for coming to my defense. And it was then that it dawned on me that the intern was not really joking so much as he was stating something he really believed about nurses and he was putting me down.
Stands With Fists stood up and started getting really mad. I wrote an email of thanks to the intern’s supervisor and thanked him again for standing up for me and then I emailed my sister’s who offered me support and other ideas about how to defend my own honor. While they were amusing, they were not professional but they did make me feel better.
Would it be professional to decorate his cube in a swag of my business cards with all of my credentials highlighted? Maybe that would be a bit over the top. Perhaps I could toss out into a conversation the fact that I hold not just one Bachelor’s degree but two? Or is that too much?
Perhaps. But the thought of rubbing his nose in it did help me to calm myself down and feel a little better.
And yet I know that I would never do it for several reasons. I am a Christian and it would be very unkind to do so, no matter how much hurt I felt and how fun it would be for the moment. Would it really serve the higher purpose of displaying Christ to others? Definitely not.
On Wednesday nights, I am a small group leader for 3rd grade girls. One of the lessons I recently taught them was about pride and boasting. I was telling them that we are not to boast about our accomplishments because that is pride. However, it is OK to boast about other people. And this did happen in this case with the intern. My coworker told the intern what my credentials were. I did not have to say anything.
When I thought about it like that. I felt a little ashamed at my plans for revenge. But on the other hand, I have a good example to share with my 3rd graders. Live a lesson and then teach it. Take the bad and make it good.
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