BB's antics are wearing me out. I can tell that I am running up to the end of my rope. I lost my temper and it was far to easy to do so. Princess has been sick for the last two days and still does not seem to be over it. I told the kids that since she is the one who is sick, then she gets to pick the TV show. BB insisted that she was not really sick, "And you know it."
It was one smart mouthed comment too many. I tried to send him upstairs but he refused to go. So, I put my hands under his arm and escorted him and every other step, he would collapse. So, i grabbed his elbow and he accused me of pulling his arm out.
I get scared when I feel that anger rising inside me and the thoughts I have. He is just being so belligerant, rude and I want him to stop. I did manage to keep enough of my cool but I did raise my voice and I probably told him to "shut up" which has always been a big No-no. I regretted it when it flew out of my mouth however, I needed to get his attention and he would not stop talking over me.
I told him that he would have to stay in my room for 10 minutes until he could show me that he could behave appropriately both in action and in word. And if he came down and started in again with the mouthiness, then he would go back up. He shot back, "Breck (his therapist) all ready told me that. I don't need to hear it again."
Yes, you do. He is your therapist but I am your mom. Your actions have consequences. I set the rules, not you. YOu do not determine the time, the duration or the consequence you have. I do and I will. If you continue to talk back to me like this, then I will begin to add minutes.
I went down and set the timer. After, 10 minutes he came down but he was holding the alarm clock I had given to my daughter. He claimed that it was his and suddenly we were back to fighting.
BB, you are arguing with me again. You are being rude and disrespectful. Now you need to go back up and spend another 10 minutes in my room.
This time, I heard him breaking something but I did not go up until the timer went off. When he came down, he was quieter and I walked over to him and said, "OK, now you are more respectful and your consequence is over."
"You are going to be mad at me again."
No, this is finished. I am not mad anymore.
"Well, I don't know how to say it but I...uh....you are going to be mad."
Be honest and tell me what you did that I am going to be mad about.
"I broke the alarm clock and I took the keys off your computer."
There went my peaceful feelings and back came the anger. And then some.
If you were looking to make me mad, you did it. Now you need to go away because I need to calm down and if I look at you, I can not be calm. I get more and more angry.
I am exhausted. I don't know how much more of this I can take. He is wearing me down.
1 comment:
For what it's worth, I can relate to this. My oldest son was much the same way. I am sure your therapist has told you that these kids do not develop any sense of empathy for a very long time. With my son I have seen this happening in the last year and a half and he is almost 24. You may need to find a place to send him that is free from anything to stimulate him. However, the bathroom is probably the only safe place. This would mean him taking apart the toilet guts or light fixtures, etc.. The other possibility is to turn a couch a certain way so he has to sit in the space behind it where you can keep an eye on him. My son's therapist told us that we were to tell our son that he could not be trusted at all until he could prove to us that he was trustworthy. Their motivation is so egocentric and along with the lack of empathy, they only care about that they got caught! I would suggest giving him hugs when he is good but calling him out on the carpet anytime you think he is up to something. For instance, I am sure you know the look that he probably gets (shifty eyes, movements) when he is thinking of doing something he knows is wrong. I would call him on this right away. ie "Caleb, I know that look and what are you up to?" Our counselor also told us not to trust our son at all because he was so dishonest, manipulative etc... I know this sounds harsh but in the end will pay off. My son now asks for my advice when he really needs it and although he is still egotistical he has improved in empathy greatly. He still has moments when he is "wound up" and I know not to ask him to do anything or try to initiate conversation with him. He holds himself in check at work and school and needs to unwind at times from having to be so in control. I'll be praying for you Luanne
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