Bad Words

There was a time in my life when I knew every bad word and said them frequently. It started in junior high when I was tired of being a "goody goody girl". One day, I just decided to let the F-bomb fly. Suddenly, I was transformed (I thought) from the "good girl" into something not-quite-as-good-but-not-really-a-bad-girl. I could curse like a sailor.

By the time I was a senior in high school, this really began to bother me. It was around this time, that the Lord was tugging on my heart and drawing me to Him. He was cleaning house, so to speak. I wanted to quit swearing. I tried everything. I told my friends to hit me when I cursed. I tried the old rubber band around the wrist trick, in which I would whap myself every time I let a bad word fly. I still kept swearing and had red welts on my wrists and sore shoulders from my friends punching me in the arm. (I swore a lot).

When I finally had a real spiritual show-down in which I surrendered everything to the Lord and let Him come in completely, I abruptly stopped swearing. In fact, those bad words started to burn in my ears. I couldn't stand to hear them, let alone say them. It was the most noticeable thing at that point of conversion. At least in my opinion. I think my attitude began to change too but it was a little slower. I was still a little mouthy with my parents and determined to go my own way but by the time I headed off to college, I suddenly was so ashamed at my behavior just months before that I apologized to my Mom. She accepted with tears in her eyes.

So why am I talking about this now? Well, last week, Peanut said the "SH--" word as we were walking in to McDonald's. I wanted to have the earth open up and swallow me right then and there. I could not believe it. To make matters worse, there was another patron coming in behind me. I didn't even dare look at him. I marched over to Peanut and grabbed his chin and said, "That was a very bad word and we DO NOT EVER say that. Do you hear me?"

He sadly nodded. And then I heard Pumpkin He 4 giving a recap of Peanut's outburst. And worst, yet, laughing about it. My cheeks burned with shame, embarrassment and anger. It was time to have a BIG talk with all my kids.

Peanut informed me, as he is the family "reporter" (a nice way of saying Tattle Tale) that he learned that bad word from PH, who heard it at school and from BB who also was over heard telling him about S-X...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

On Moving Day, I was in a very emotional spot. I was doing my best to hold it together but it was tenuous at best. I mentioned before that my friends were doing a good job of making me laugh. But every once in a while, things would slip out of my mouth that betrayed the inner turmoil and the simmering anger and fear that was just below the surface (I was worried that my ex-fiancee was going to show up while we were packing up and I was angry that he had not told me he was coming until the night before as he was boarding the plane. I hadn't talked to him in a month and the last time he spoke to me, he called me a back-stabber and all sorts of other nasty things, as well as being threatening and intimidating...hence my jittery emotional state).

At one point, I said the word "Crap" and immediately felt convicted and kind of slapped myself across the mouth. The guys kind of joked it off but my daughter was coming down the stairs and said, "That is a bad word and we don't say that in our house." Ouch. But she is internalizing my lesson.

Those bad words are floating around on the surface of my tongue again. I am angry with the previously mentioned person. My hackles are raised because he continues to threaten and intimidate me. However, the Bible says, "In your anger, do not sin." I'm trying to teach that to my children... It's ok to be angry, or sad, or happy....God gave us a full range of emotions and they all serve a purpose but we have to learn that emotions are symptoms of what is going inside, like a warning. Anger is telling us that there may be danger present and we need to be alert. But when that anger is used wrongly, to lash out at someone, to call them a bad name, to swear or curse at them, that is sin and that is not ok.

Our tongues are mighty and powerful. We have the ability to bestow blessings or curses. I guess that is why we have so many expressions about the tongue like: "Bite your tongue", "Hold your tongue", "Watch your tongue"... Even the book of James spends a great deal of time warning us about the dangers of the unbridled tongue. It isn't easy. And today, I'm feeling angry and threatened and my tongue is fighting to lash out and be just as nasty in return. I'm praying that the Lord will help me to Hold my Tongue and turn my anger over to Him and use it as it is meant to be use, a warning of danger. Wisdom is learning that there are times when it is far better to be quiet. I'm praying for wisdom.