This week I had one of those moments when I realized that once again, things are changing in my household, in one of my children and in my role as the Mom. I was caught off-guard and thus was unprepared for the emotional upheaval it caused me.
I have been a Mom for 12 years...closer to 13 if you count the months I was pregnant. And in those 12+ years I have taken care of the health and well-being of my children. I fill out the papers and "surveys" at the doctor's office. I schedule appointments for physicals, vision checks, surgeries and last minute "someone got a rock lodged in their forehead" appointments. I will admit, it is crazy keeping track of who needs what when but I am so grateful for tools like electronic records and proxy access that allow me to schedule appointments online, check on immunizations and print them off. I have a calendar at home that I use a color-code system to keep track of every one's appointments and activities. I have it down to a fairly, well-tuned art. (I am not perfect so it does break down or I do from time to time, lest you think I never make mistakes. Ask my daughter about the day I told her that I would pick her up at school for her physical and it was at the end of the day, apparently it was also on Homecoming and all of the high school kids were released early and flooded the middle school to pick up younger siblings and take them downtown to watch the parade. I could not see my daughter in this huge mob of black and orange teenagers, yelling out at the top of their lungs. I figured she forgot and got on the bus, so I took her younger brother and we went to his appointment. However, she was sitting patiently in the office, waiting for me. Poor girl. I probably scarred her for life.
Now that my daughter is 12, this physical would be her first adolescent exam. I was worried she would be embarrassed about being asked questions about what stage of puberty and development she was in and having to be undressed for the doctor. And since she has a history of sexual abuse, this compounded my fears even more. We talked about it before the appointment and she was completely fine with that component of the exam.
She was not, however, happy that she would be getting shots. And she made it very clear that she was quite healthy and did not see why she needed any shots now or ever again and I should know this about her by now. She worked herself up into quite a lather about it.
At the time of the exam, she had calmed down quite a bit and was quietly asking me questions and chatting away. I noticed right away that the nurse hardly talked to me at all but talked to my daughter and asked HER all the questions. I was taken aback.
I was filling out a Health survey and suddenly realized that the questions were supposed to be answered by my daughter. So, with a sigh of sadness and transition, I passed the clipboard over to her. She is going to be in charge of her own health. I am not #1 person in this office visit anymore. It really surprised me how much that caught me off guard. I am just not ready for all of this. I know she is growing up. I can see the evidence in every aspect of her life. But I don't want her to. I want her to stay a little girl a little longer. I have just gotten the hang of this parenting thing and now I have to change again. I'm not ready!
I thought about it some more and realized my daughter and I are in a Push and Pull dance. I think this will continue for quite some time. She is going to push against me and try to gain independence and I will have to pull back. She may at the same time try to pull back to some of her childish ways and I will have to push her into more mature behaviors. It's going to be a tricky balance. I don't think it is going to be easy for either of us.
Back to the doctor appointment. She answered all of the questions and we were both relieved that there was no undressing. The doctor discussed her puberty and had her look at pictures and point out where she feels she is at. He discussed her health and she was really listening. I was very proud of her for that. But then it was time for shots.
My mature 12 year old disappeared when the two nurses walked in with their syringes. I could have closed my eyes and been back to a time when she was two years old. The nurses told her that they needed her upper arms. She began to argue that she wanted her shots "One at a time" but the nurses tried to convince her that it would be best to have it over all at once. She was protesting and fussing and yelling about it, tears stinging her eyes. While she argued, the nurses did the shots and it was over.
Suddenly, she blinked and turned to each nurse and glared. Then she glared at me. And burst into tears. I had to stifle a laugh because it was so cute. I helped her put her shirt back on and she started saying things like:
"I don't know if I should go back to school. My arms are really sore."
I nodded. But not in agreement, just to indicate that I was listening.
"I mean we are doing these stretches in gym and I don't think I can do them."
ummm hmmmm....
"And I don't think I can write. In French, we write for the whole time... How am I going to carry my back pack pack?"
I looked at her, "Sweetie, you are going back to school. I know your arms are sore but you are going to be fine."
But then I had to tell her that we had to go to the lab for a blood draw.
"Oh, well they are just going to poke my finger. That's not so bad."
I let out a big sigh, "Well, actually, they need to draw a couple of tubes of blood, so they need to get that from the crease of your elbow."
"WHAT!!"
She's a bit of a drama queen. She always has been . When she was little, and she would stub her toe, she would limp for days and days and tell me that she couldn't do anything I asked her to do because her foot hurt too much. I don't want to give in to that too much. Sometimes, there are things in life that we just have to suck up and deal with. Getting shots and blood drawn is one of those things and it does not get you out of school. Or homework.
No comments:
Post a Comment