Evidence to Prove that My Kids are Weird

1. They don’t like any potato that does not come in the form of a fry. Not even mashed. What kid in America does not like mashed potatoes? Apparently…mine.
2. My daughter does not like Spaghetti. What?? Who’s child are you? If I didn’t push her out myself, I would never believe she was mine. I LOVE spaghetti!! How can you NOT love spaghetti?
3. They wear their underwear backwards and claim it is more comfortable. Excuse me? Do you really think the tag rubbing against your belly button is comfy? Or all that extra fabric in the front that is supposed to fit your little back cheeks is going to make your pants fit better? I don’t get it.
4. If a little ketchup goes a long ways…then why not just drown your food in it? Better yet, lets just have our side dishes BE the condiments? I will confess, if it weren’t for ketchup, my kids would be seriously lacking vegetable servings and essential vitamins and minerals (and don’t try telling me that tomatoes are fruit…in my house, it’s a vegetable and so is ketchup!)
5. 3 out of 4 of my kids prefer their cheeseburgers “No pickles, no onions”. 1 out of 4 would prefer to have McDonald’s serve a “Pickle Burger” minus the burger. Pickles count as vegetables too, you know!
6. Why must a 7 year old boy sleep with every birthday, Christmas, Hope-you-get-well-soon, or other spontaneous present he has ever gotten? Don’t get me wrong, they are all neatly organized and compartmentalized but this same boy also has some issues with occasional night time accidents so changing his sheets becomes a very LONG process because Every.Cotton-picking.Creature. Must come down in a specific order and then be returned in order and carefully arranged again. Maybe he is a bit OCD?
7. Toys land in laundry baskets. Toy boxes hold misplaced socks. Huh??
8. My daughter must save everything. Nothing can be thrown away because “Mooooommmmmmmmmmm, it is so special to me…don’t you remember when…” Honey, you were in Kindergarten. It no longer fits. Its broken. You never use it. Half the time you can never find it until I tell you to clean up your side of the room.
9. The grosser the noise, the funnier it is and the more likely the boys will “Instant Replay” and then replay the replay. And the more we of the female variety complain, the more they do it. Along the same lines, there is a long list of “funny” words like booger, poop, wizz, the word for flatulence that I H.A.T.E--- really any word that is related to a body function or something you do in the bathroom. If it is socially inappropriate, it’s fair game. And the more important the social setting, the funnier it is.